When you are speaking with Mr house, whe you ask him "who exactly are you, Mr.House" and he replies.
Then you ask him "you appear to be a computer, not a man" he will reply.
Then, if you have a medicine skill of 35 or higher yoy can say "the lifespan you're claiming is impossible, except for ghouls and super mutants"
Then we will reply.
Then if you say "let's talk about something else"
Then again ask him "who exactly are you Mr. House"
You can infinutely go through this loop earning 40XP every time you use the medicine skill check on him.
Just FYI lol

I started GTAO about 3 weeks ago, have read numerous guides that are posted here (I learned to realized that some of those guides are very out dated as I was playing through the game). Anyway, I want to get some ideas for a newbie like myself on what to purchase or focus on next.
Here's what I've done and purchased so far:
Properties: maze office, small warehouse, apartment, nightclub, bunker
Vehicles: kotsaka, sparrow, toreador, kuruma, emerus, krieger, terrobyte, fully upgraded opmk2
I'm currently level 70 and I have about $19M from grinding cayo last week, but I'm getting burnt out running that over and over again.
The only heists I've played are the Fleeca and Cayo Perico heists. I've done the small warehouse cargo for a bit to buy my Kotsaka, but after kotsaka, haven't touched the warehouse business. I don't really touch any of my businesses actually. I only bought the terrobyte and nightclub to upgrade my opmk2. Basically all I've played in the game was VIP work (sight seeheadhunter) and warehouse, then straight to kotsaka and farmed CP. I fast tracked a few research items in bunker to get explosive ammo, then stopped. All my businesses currently are idle.
Question - what should I play next or do with my businesses? What's a fun business to get into, not necessarily to maximize profits? Should I invest in my nightclub? Invest in vehicle warehouse I/E - I heard that's fun and very much a "GTA" activity, in the sense you get to steal and try vehicles. Buy an arcade for Casino heist? What other heists are fun? I play mostly solo, but occasionally a lower level friend will join me.

Opening 💌

Today in Borderlands 3, we’re activating the Co-op Loot Drop mini-event
Addressing some reported concerns, and adjusting various DLC weapons!
These changes will be live on all platforms by 12:00 PM PT.

Co-op Loot Drop mini-event 🎉

During this event, Badass enemies will drop more loot while players are playing co-op in online multiplayer or in local split-screen.
This event will end on January 21 at 9:00 AM PT / 12:00 PM ET.

HOTFIXES 🔧

• Blocked a hole in the floor in Vaulthalla that was sometimes causing players to fall through the map
  
• Prevented players from using Heavyweight Harker’s mount to enter the boss’ bubble shields in Arms Race
  
• Addressed a concern that the Singularity grenade would sometimes cause Heavyweight Harker to fall through the map in Arms Race
  

WEAPON ADJUSTMENTS 🔫

Slow Hand

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage
• 🔺 Increased healing percentage of damage dealt

Cheap Tips

• 🔺 Increased the amount and drop chance of casino chips

Creamer

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage
• 🔺 Increased healing percentage of damage dealt

Embers Purge

• 🔺 Increased the damage dealt by the pool of lava it spawns

Heartbreaker

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage
• 🔺 Increased healing percentage of damage dealt

Boomer

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Lucky 7

• 🔺 Increased the chance to get bonus effects after reloading

Scoville

• 🔺 Reduced ammo consumption from 4 to 2

AutoAimè

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

ION LASER

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Soulrender

• 🔺 Increased the amount of damage from spawned skulls

Flama Diddle

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Hydrafrost

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage
• 🔺 Increased shock or incendiary damage duration
• 🔺 Added fire projectiles to each buff

Insider

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Love Drill

• 🔺 Increased the chance for bonus shock damage

Little Yeeti

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Clairvoyance

• 🔺 Increased weapon damage

Source Links 🔗

> Original Tweet

> Original News Post

> Gearbox Forums Post

To start, this should be a single player game. If Bethesda/Obsidian/MS can make it so I can play with 1 or 2 friends, I want that but understand it's not that simple.
So why it should be picked:
First, NY has an amazing history when it comes to Pre-Revolution, Revolution, the Civil War, and beyond. Major events like the battle at Saratoga (which is considered the turning point of the Revolution), the 1980 Miracle on Ice, and Woodstock (along with a whole lot more) all took place in upstate NY. So the rich history of the area is ripe for pro American stylizing and propaganda that gives FO it's unique take on American Atom-punk.
That along with more modern history of things like the Native Americans (The Oneidas) actually taking back their land and forming their own sovereign nation (basically they have their own gov. Pay no state taxes, and self govern with police, fire, and allow gambling which NY does not). So their modern government would not only be some great lore, but I honestly believe could be a basis for the main quest line. Things like their unique tribal leadership, philosophy, and gambling (hello 10 luck) could bring a very grey area to fallout that was kind of missed in FO3 + 4. Plus their mythology would make for a great weird scene that fallout has at least 1 of every game.
Also, for those who don't know, upstate NY is very country with major cities pocketed about. (Utica, Albany, Syracuse, etc). So if you liked NV style of wandering the wastes, or 3s style of city wandering, we've got both. Also, we've got two mountains areas, one in the Adirondacks and the Catskills are the other.
That said, one of the most important parts of fallout are the locations. Where can we go? For that I have a list:
Major locations:
Lake Placid Winter Olympics training facility - the winter olympics world be held in 2078 and if they still exist by then and to play into the game, LP could be the location of those games. Again, the miracle on ice where American Amateurs bested the Communist Russian Pros, was held there. The "Better dead than Red" sentiment would be full force. Not to mention one of a few great locations for a possible vault (80, in this case to house winter olympians). Plus, the weapons could be cool too. Hockey sticks, hockey skate blades on gloves, a goalie mask for armor, you name it.
Cooperstown Baseball HOF - Now when you think Americana, Baseball is one of your first thoughts, don't lie. Cooperstown is baseball central and very pretty. Another great place for pro-american styles and fun gear like baseball base mines, softball helmets (because fuck you "A League of Their Own" style pro-baseball league in FO sounds awesome), and of course bats and baseball grenades. Also a baseball Vault (Vault 4, 5, 7, or 9). Not my idea, but in this vault, there's 32 teams of mens and 32 teams of womens baseball (or coed teams, idk), all of whom are pro players. Vault tec test is simple, winner gets food and drinks, loser gets steroid infused food and drink (but they don't know it has steroids obviously). The idea is, test how good at baseball people can be if given monster amounts of steroids for generations. I'll make a separate post about this in detail if desired.
Canastota Boxing HOF - Another unique area for America. Canastota is pretty boring and empty, but for those of you old enough to remember Rocky when it came out, it basically revived Boxing as a major sport and also had a moment where America bested the Red Menace (Rocky IV). Maybe a spot for a vault or to learn unique unarmed moves. Pugilism Illustrated anyone?
Albany - NYs capital and an easy big city area along the Hudson. A great location for corporate greed, governmental corruption, and side quests. Can't say it'll be the focal point of the game since its very near the eastern border of it, but a good location for exploring and lore.
Buffalo/Niagara Falls - Ya ever gone over the falls in a barrel? Do ya want to? I think using Niagara Falls (which has an American and Canadian side, Canadas is the U-shaped famous one) as Fallouts first "Non-American" location would be fun. First, the falls are beautiful and are a major source of hydroelectric power. Second, in FO, America annexed canada, so it's technically still America! Third, right across the "border" are casinos! More gambling! Third and a half, it's another big city and buffalo is where the buffalo wing was invented (God bless buffalo wings). Besides the cool lore opportunity about the annexation and the city location, the falls could be a major location for the story if the main conflict was about powering the area, similar to NV.
Syracuse - NYs (literal) center city. The Salt City as it was formally known is a big city with some great old and new style. Again, not much about the city to say, but a great opportunity for corporate BS. The main attraction would be the Syracuse Dome (formerly the Carrier Dome). Due to its location and style, it's perfect as a central trading hub for the major cities and people. Think of Great Green Jewel style, people living, bars, shops, etc. BUT the really interesting part is what's right next to the Dome. SUNY ESF (Environmental Science and Forestry). This college is special because (A. I went there) it has very unique programs and with some future tech thrown in, could be a great location for a Fallout 3 Harold or NV vault 22-esq quest. The college already does experiments with major chemicals, evolution (FEV anyone?) and breeding plants for unique purposes. Again, I have a really cool idea for this area, but that can be a different post. Fun fact, ESF is actually working to bring back the North America Chestnut that went (nearly) extinct! Also, some asshole releases the fruit flies the genetics lab work with every year and it sucks.
NYC (Empire, 9/11 memorial, Statue of Liberty) - Yeah yeah, you can't have NY without the City, but frankly there's so much here to explore and deal with, I'd leave it to the pros to really do it justice.
Turning Stone Casino - Gambling, a hotel/restaurants like in NV, and a good spot for the main quest line.
Fort Stanwix - A real revolutionary war fort. HQ or major area for raiders. Safe, well protected and with plenty of history.
Fort Drum and Griffis Air Force Base: Two major bases that could be packed with guns, nukes, and power armor. Heavily guarded by turrets, robots, and security gates.
Main Quest:
Without too much detail, I figure your character will be hired to figure out the future of NY.
You'll be brought to the Turning Stone which is currently the HQ of the Oneida tribe. Your job would be to either work with the other tribes in the former Iroquois Confederation (Seneca, Cayuga, Onondaga, Oneida, Mohawk, and Tuscarora [added later]). (Quick note: in my AU, some time after the bombs fell, the IC came to power because of their knowledge of living off the land and attempted to rebuild society. After some time rebuilding and establishing a post-war society, the tribes do the thing all humans do and bicker. Around 2200 the IC broke apart but the tribes retained power in their areas. They fight, trade, yadda yadda but no one is in control of everything.
Throughout your quest, it turns out that what is holding everyone back is a lack of power for things like lights and running water. Your job will be to determine where to get that power (Nuclear power plant in Oswego or the falls in Niagara?) And where to give it (one tribe? A few? Or all?). But that's not all, the tribes can't decide who should be in charge. One tribe wants to remain independent, don't help the outsiders and rebuild society in their image within NY, another wants to help others but would need to sacrifice their own people's safety and seclusion. Maybe another wants to be imperialist and expand their borders throughout America through way of force and fear while another agrees with taking land but wants it done through offers of protection for taxes. And each tribe has its own opinion on bringing the IC back together, staying separate, or taking over the tribes for themselves.
It's up to you character to decide who to help. Do you work hard to try and bring all tribes together under one banner or choose a side and execute their will as a paid mercenary/ambassador?
Other choices would be chaos by siding with raiders, or maybe a BOS path to take out all the tribes, idk, haven't thought it all out. Again, not a writer.
Mechanics:
So personally, I like the idea that if you choose to go with a single faction, there would a battle/war mechanic where you and an army (or alone if you really wanna try) take over and lay claim to areas similar to Nuka World where you fly the gangs flag. Nothing complicated, normal fallout fights, don't die and kill the leadehis troops to win.
Karma is back. You will garner good or bad rep with each tribe depending on what you do. I'd like an armor system like in NV but I can live without it.
There is an ending. Once you beat the game you can continue doing side quests for armoexperience/ammo but only for the tribes left in power. Occasional rebellions will rise up as random events that need to be put down.
Settlements are limited. Like skyrim, but a plot and build. No need to build one everywhere and you don't even need to do it if you don't want to.
Radio host? Gimme a Mr. New Vegas type guy. I don't want an eccentric 3-dog, I want a smoothed voiced person wishing me lady like luck.
Also, smarter AI.
Otherwise, typical FO mechanics. Weapons degrade, can upgrade weapons and armor, etc.
Main problems with NY:
No real borders to the south. Invisible walls would like be necessary which is stupid. Same to the East, but the Hudson could theoretically be used as a border if you put crazy strong mirelurks or something to kill the player if they tried to cross (or more invisible walls)
Don't want to disrespect the tribes. This is an issue with using each tribe as a possible faction. You're bound to piss off or disrespect one. So it'll be a task to make sure it's as limited as possible.
What to do with the city? It's a huge area that can be used for so much, but as a part of NY it's actually pretty seperated. It's a commercial hub now, but there's nothing there that would really be a reason to go down there. So do you make it one or do we just make it a glowing sea type area that's completely decimated from the bombs? That's my personal choice honestly, but it's a tough one to please as many as possible.
Conclusion: NY is rad.
I'll be taking questions as long as they do not involve Canadian trivia. Thank you.

The USA PATRIOT Act provides a textbook example of how the United States federal government expands its power. An emergency happens, legitimate or otherwise. The media, playing its dutiful role as goad for greater government oversight, demands "something must be done." Government power is massively expanded, with little regard for whether or not what is being done is efficacious, to say nothing of the overall impact on our nation's civil liberties.
No goals are posted, because if targets are hit, this would necessitate the ending or scaling back of the program. Instead, the program becomes normalized. There are no questions asked about whether the program is accomplishing what it set out to do. It is now simply a part of American life and there is no going back.
The American public largely accepts the USA PATRIOT Act as a part of civic life as immutable, perhaps even more so than the Bill of Rights. However, this act – passed in the dead of night, with little to no oversight, in a panic after the biggest attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor – is not only novel, it is also fundamentally opposed to virtually every principle on which the United States of America was founded. It might not be going anywhere anytime soon, but patriots, liberty lovers and defenders of Constitutional government should nonetheless familiarize themselves with the onerous provisions of this law, which is nothing short of a full-throttle attack on the American republic.

What’s Even in the USA PATRIOT Act?

What is in the USA PATRIOT Act? In the Michael Moore film Fahrenheit 9/11, then Rep. John Conyers cracked wise about how no one had actually read the Act and how this was in fact par for the course with America's laws. Thus, before delving into the deeper issues surrounding the PATRIOT Act, it is worth discussing what the Act actually says. Here’s a brief look at the 10 Titles in the PATRIOT Act:

• Title I: Enhancing Domestic Security Against Terrorism: This provision dramatically expands the powers of the President, the military and the intelligence community whenever the specter of "terrorism" is invoked. Bizarrely, it contains a provision condemining discrimination against Arabs, Muslims and South Asians, which seems to have very little to do with protecting Americans from terrorism.
• Title II: Enhanced Surveillance Procedures: Title II contains the meat of the Act with regard to massive, industrial-scale surveillance on the American public. Beyond the simple spying on Americans and their communications, Title II increases the ability of federal intelligence agencies to share your private communications with one another.
• Title III: International Money Laundering Abatement and Financial Anti-Terrorism Act: Not simply a section of the USA PATRIOT Act, Title III is an Act of Congress in its own right. You might have noticed how much more difficult it is to open a bank account or send a wire transfer after 9/11. You can blame this provision, which shredded banking privacy rights in the United States.
• Title IV: Protecting the Border: Other than expanding the number of federal employees (of course), the provision of the USA PATRIOT Act charged with protecting America's borders does little other than point toward paths for future action and study. It is worth noting that the weakest provision of the Act is the only one explicitly authorized by the Constitution -- protecting the border.
• Title V: Removing Obstacles to Investigating Terrorism: Title V authorizes bounties for the apprehension of alleged terrorists, broadens government power to conduct DNA analysis, allows for greater data sharing between law enforcement agencies and, perhaps most disturbingly, requires private telecommunication carriers to comply with government requests for electronic communication records whenever requested by the FBI. It also expands the power of the Secret Service to investigate computer fraud.
• Title VI: Providing for Victims of Terrorism, Public Safety Officers and Their Families: Perhaps the most innocuous portion of the USA PATRIOT Act, Title VI provides for a victims' fund for victims of terrorism and their families.
• Title VII: Increased Information Sharing for Critical Infrastructure Protection: The subtitle of this section of the Act is a rather wordy way of saying that the United States federal government is allowing for law enforcement agencies to share information across jurisdictional boundaries in an easier fashion than was previously legal. To that end, the Bureau of Justice Assistance was given a $50,000,000 budget for 2002 and a whopping $100,000,000 budget for fiscal year 2003.
• Title VIII: Strengthening the Criminal Laws Against Terrorism: Title VIII is where the rubber meets the road: What exactly is terrorism, according to the federal government? Unfortunately, this Title does little to clarify what terrorism is, instead focusing on declaring a number of actions (such as attacks on transit) as “terrorism,” regardless of intent.
• Title IX: Improved Intelligence: The section subtitled “improved intelligence” largely expands the powers and responsibilities of the Director of Central Intelligence.
• Title X: Miscellaneous: When the federal government titles a segment of a law “miscellaneous,” you know it’s going to include everything and the kitchen sink. And so it does: The definition of electronic surveillance, additional funds for the DEA in South and Central Asia, research on biometric scanning systems, a limitation on hazmat licensure and infrastructure protections are all addressed in Title X, which is a catchall for everything the federal government forgot to address in the first nine sections of the law.

Most of the provisions of the USA PATRIOT Act were set to sunset four years after the bill was passed into law. However, the law was extended first by President George W. Bush and then by President Barack H. Obama. The latter is particularly scandalous given that, at least in part, a rejection of the surveillance culture that permeated the Bush Administration was responsible for the election of Obama in 2008.

Passing the USA PATRIOT Act

Next, it’s important to remember the environment in which the USA PATRIOT Act was passed: Post-9/11. It is not the slightest bit of exaggeration to label the environment in which the PATRIOT Act was passed as “hysterical,” nor is “compliant” a misnomer for the Congress of the time. Opposition to the Act was slim and intensive review of one of the most sweeping Acts of Congress in American history was nonexistent.
All told, Congress took a whopping six weeks drafting, revising, reviewing and passing the PATRIOT Act. That’s less time than Congress typically spends on totally uncontroversial and routine bills that don’t gut the Fourth Amendment. The final vote found only 66 opponents in the House and one (Wisconsin Democrat Russ Feingold) in the Senate. The entire passage of the PATRIOT Act, from start to finish, took place behind closed doors. There were no committee reports or hearings for opponents to testify, nor did anyone bother to read the bill.
“Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism” is the bloated and overwrought full name of the bill, crafted by a 23-year-old Congressional staffer named Chris Cylke. This ridiculous name puts the focus not on the surveillance aspects or the erosion of basic civil liberties enshrined in Western society since the Magna Carta, but on patriotism. At the time of its creation, the messaging was very clear: Real patriots support massive intrusions on civil rights. As President George W. Bush said at the time, “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.” This sentiment very much seemed to apply to American citizens.
While the argument that if you have nothing to hide you shouldn’t fear investigation is anathema in a Constitutional republic with regard to citizens, it should be standard operating procedure when it comes to our organs of government. If we cannot expect transparency from the United States Congress – elected officials charged with representing the will of the people and protecting the Constitution – then we certainly can’t expect it anywhere else.

The Unfortunate Growth of the USA PATRIOT Act

It’s no surprise to those in the liberty movement that given an inch, the government (in particular the military-intelligence community) took a mile. Even the nebulous definition of “terrorism,” largely centered around a long litany of acts rather than the motivation behind them, has expanded to include receiving military training from a proscribed organization (without actually committing any terrorist acts or even acts of violence of any stripe) as well as “narcoterrorism” – the latter particularly convenient, as the United States government continues its losing “War on Drugs.”
Indeed, in many ways, the War on (Some) Drugs was the template for the War on Terror. Both wars have no defined enemy, no defined terms of victory. Instead, they are waged against a nebulous concept, while enjoying bipartisan support for their ever-expanding budgets. What’s more, it didn’t take long for the Feds to start using the USA PATRIOT Act for things it was never intended for, including prosecuting the War on Drugs.
Perhaps the silliest application of the USA PATRIOT Act is the prosecution of Adam McGaughey. McGaughey maintained a fansite for the television series Stargate SG-1. The Feds charged him with copyright infringement and computer fraud. In the course of their investigation, the FBI leveraged the PATRIOT Act to get financial records from his website’s ISP. This was made possible by the USA PATRIOT Act amending the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, allowing for search and seizure of ISP records.
The New York Times discovered in September 2003, that the USA PATRIOT Act was being used to investigate alleged drug traffickers without what would otherwise be sufficient probable cause. These were investigations into non-terrorist acts using a law ostensibly designed to investigate terrorism. There was some suspicion that the Act was being used to investigate crimes occurring before the Act was passed, violating the ex post facto clause of the United States Constitution.
In one of the biggest power grabs (excluding virtually everything we know from Edward Snowden – more on that below), the FBI sent tens of thousands of “national security letters” and procured over one million financial records from targeted businesses in Las Vegas. These businesses were primarily casinos, car rental bureaus and storage spaces. The data obtained included financial records, credit histories, employment records and even people’s personal health records.
The FBI maintains and databases this – and, indeed, all information collected through the USA PATRIOT Act – indefinitely. In the good old days before the PATRIOT Act, the Feds were compelled to destroy any evidence they collected on someone later found not guilty of a crime. Note that the aforementioned data collection brought to public attention by Edward Snowden (which, again – we’re getting to that) falls under this provision. Not only is the government collecting obscene amounts of private and personal information about you, they’re also storing it indefinitely with no plans to stop.
What’s more, the FBI has approached public libraries to turn over the records for specific terminals, collecting information not about specific users who might be under investigation, but about anyone who has ever used the computer at the public library. Libraries, to their credit, have been very much at the forefront of resistance against the PATRIOT Act, with some litigating compliance despite operating on small budgets and others posting “canary letters,” which effectively say “The FBI Hasn’t Been Here Yet.” The removal of such a letter would warn patrons that the FBI has been sniffing around in their records.
Indeed, the greatest criticism of the PATRIOT Act is the simplest and perhaps most obvious: Why does an Act ostensibly passed to fight terrorism so drastically expand the government’s power to investigate virtually everyone else? The PATRIOT Act is not merely unconstitutional, it is an unprecedented expansion of state power in the Anglosphere, a culture based on restricted government and the primacy of individual rights.
An excellent example of this is the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) expansion. Most people are familiar with the term “FISA court,” but very few people actually know what it is – a special federal court created under the Carter Administration that grants approval of electronic surveillance of both citizens and resident aliens in the event that they are accused of acting in the service of a foreign power. The last part of this sentence is very important: The FISA courts are not simply for allowing surveillance of anyone that it might be expedient to collect information about. The scope of their powers is very, very limited.
Or was.
The PATRIOT Act lowered the burden of evidence required to obtain a FISA warrant for electronic surveillance and expanded the overall scope of the FISA courts. Any savvy federal agent can now drape his charges in the garb of (what else?) “national security” and obtain electronic surveillance privileges hitherto only dreamed of by investigators. FISA courts have become pliant tools in the hands of the Feds, gladly approving their requests to monitor phone and internet surveillance, as well as access to medical, financial and educational records.

The Future of the USA PATRIOT Act

Do we still need the PATRIOT Act? Did we ever? All laws are certainly a product of their times. But this seems much more acutely true of the USA PATRIOT Act, which was passed in a rush and under duress without due consideration.
Particularly in light of the revelations from Edward Snowden – that the government is spying on everything they possibly can – it’s worth asking if there’s any walking back. He points out that the police state apparatus was originally for drug dealers, then for terrorists, but ultimately ended up being applied to anyone and everyone.
What’s more, Bob Bullard notes another frightful aspect of the USA PATRIOT Act: Terrorism-related cases are not subject to the Freedom of Information Act. This means that there is little or no oversight. There is no surer hallmark of a police state than an all-powerful domestic surveillance agency with no transparency or oversight. While the USA PATRIOT Act might not create an American Stasi as such, it certainly paves the way for one.
Continue reading The USA PATRIOT Act: The Story of an Impulsive Bill that Eviscerated America's Civil Liberties at Ammo.com.

Ok, forgive the formatting. This was originally a greentext post for all the /b/tards at 4chan. It's also a long read but if you can get past that then it is actually a quite interesting story that happened to me years ago.
be 22 active duty air force assigned to Nellis in Las Vegas not disclosing job, but no stranger to weapons and tactics get pulled in to supervisor's office one day told I've just been "voluntold" to participate in a training exercise with DOD no other information given other than reporting instructions pretty much any question I asked was answered with "I have no fucking idea " report to conference room at base hotel next morning per instruction see about 12 other guys from my unit also voluntold to be there five guys enter room in civilian clothes introduce themselves as the "WHITEBOX" Group Assume it's an acronym for something, but never explained told we will be upgrading our security clearances hours of paperwork, only told we are participating in a force on force exercise released back to our unit crack jokes about how the exercise is a lie and we will be experimented on return to regular job and time passes eventually assume that it was canceled and forget the whole thing
about 2 months later supervisor pulls me aside and tells me that I need to report to a briefing the next day says it’s about "some WHITEBOX exercise" has no idea what it is and doesn't seem to care. once again report to base hotel with the other 12 guys WHITEBOX guys show up and pick us up in a van driven off base to some random office building and escorted into the offices of the Department of Energy, WTF? mystery only deepens, what the fuck is happening? what if this actually is some evil experimental shit more hours of paperwork and security/safety briefings by random suits had to fill out and sign a non-disclosure agreement and that threatened arrest if violated required to turn in cell phones and any other electronic devices in our possession our cell phones get locked in a cabinet while the office phone in the room gets unplugged WHITEBOX guys finally return and fire up a power point briefing first slide just titled WHITBOX Exercise 0X slide also labeled in bold red letters "CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET / NOFORN / ORCON this is really starting to feel serious
WHITEBOX Exercise finally explained told that for the next two weeks we will be role playing as OPFOR (opposing forces) we will try to attack and penetrate a DOD facility and carry out a simulated act of sabotage facility is protected by a contracted privately owned security force security group is required by the DOD to carry out this exercise in order to audit their protection every couple of years if we succeed, security company fails the audit and looses the contract the exercise is the conclusion of a two week inspection of the security contractors and their procedures every exercise a random military unit is chosen as OPFOR "reminded that we are silent professionals and that this isn’t something we should be advertising shaving wavers granted and civilian attire only FUCKYEAH.jpg power point scrolls to a page with a google earth screenshot on it instantly recognize the picture it's Area 51 holyfuckingshit.exe are we are being told to break into Area 51? can't be real random unit bro pipes up out of nowhere "Is that fucking Area 51?" we are all fucking stoked later told not to call it Area 51 as that just makes you a total chode Groom Lake, Paradise Ranch, or Homey Airbase are the acceptable names many insiders simply refer to it as “The Base” also reminded of the possible legal action via UCMJ if we go around telling everyone about it One of the WHITEBOX guys is now our designated "insider threat" exercise is designed to simulate that someone inside has been comprised by a foreign government he will provide any information that we ask for that he has knowledge of or access to other WHITEBOX guys handle will handle exercise logistics they will provide any weapons or equipment that we request to carry out mission "within reason" told this is not a COD loadout screen
ground rules established... will only be provided with weapons that we are certified to carry weapons will be armed with blank rounds or completely empty also no vehicles will be utilized by us within the DOD property landmarkers simulating road chases are not authorized our insertion is simulated so we will already be escorted/processed through various checkpoints and dropped off near the base no impractical equipment requests, so no tanks, helos, surveillance drones, or scud missiles, lol any explosives we intend to simulate will be assessed by WHITEBOX so if we want to blow the perimeter fences we will tell them before hand, they will calculate the weight of the bang we would need, it would be simulated by rocks, and then someone would need to hump the weight number 1 rule established and stressed with a very serious tone we will be escorted by WHITEBOX evaluators at all times within the DOD landmarkers at no point are any of us authorized to be alone in the facility actual security is not laxed because of the exercise, nor is this a free pass to roam security personnel can still use real force in the event that we deviate from the established protocols shown various pictures within the airbase that most will never get to see a specific hangar is designated as our target building. we will need to gain access to that hangar and carry out an act of sabotage for our sabotage we will need to ///REDACTED/// obviously we won't be doing it for real so we will actually need complete a random task inside the hangar task will be designed to be as complex and time consuming as the real thing all while being hunted by the security force insider threat briefing continues, various elements of the base security procedures and day to day operations explained however, get the impression that the chosen source is someone with a generic admin position and is not actually involved with security we are also encouraged to do our own research and scour the interwebz for info about the base told to supply the URLs to WHITEBOX if we find anything of interest. sorry if we got your Alex Jones or Art Bell conspiracy blogs taken offline briefing finally concludes, we are reminded of our non-disclosure policy and taken back to Nellis and dismissed for the day
next day we all meet at Creech Air Force Base in Indian Springs, Nevada we will be using this location to build our plan of attack and do rehearsals/dry runs it's actually pretty cool because it's on us to plan our op, just a bunch of random Airmen periodically grill our insider with questions and start asking our other WHITEBOX guys for gear we tried to have our insider take pictures of the interior of our target hangar, but he got caught IRL he would be arrested and interrogated by the feds, and the whole op would be dead instead though the guys that caught him received kudos from the inspectors, and he just tells us nope have to rely on a whiteboard sketch of the inside decide to keep it simple, M4 riffles only however I am certified on the Barret M82 .50 cal. we decide that I will carry that heavy mother fucker as well as an M4 and provide overwatch from the distance kind of bummed out because im not going inside it will be on me to neutralize certain security positions that we have previous identified we remind our WHITEBOX guys that the M82 is an anti-material weapon with the ability to disable vehicles they tell us that I will just need to call my shots to the evaluator that I will be partnered with he will radio to the vehicles that they are destroyed and will need to stop driving guess I should mention that is also part of the disadvantage we have we will all be paired with WHITEBOX evaluators who will sort of act as referees during this simulated battle however they will all be wearing bright orange reflective vest identifying them as exercise officials that really fucks our ability to stay hidden and stealthy, but it is what it is also should mention that this is a daytime raid despite our objections sounds like they are setting us up for failure, but they remind us not to think of it like that this is all being done just so the evaluators can get a good look at the security's incident response procedures it's not an unannounced drill, the military doesn't really like to do that kind of thing especially with large scale exercises such as this everyone on the base know we are coming, there's no element of surprise here except with what kind of attack we prep it would be a real hot clusterfuck if the security contractors failed the audit heads would roll, people would get fired, and numerous officers would be relieved of command I still get to attack Area 51 so don't care as this is the coolest thing I've done in the military
our plan is starting to come together over the days decide to sacrifice one of us in a suicide bomb attack figure out which of us is the most "FNG" or lowest ranking and make him do it he will approach one of the ECPs (entry points to the base) on foot wearing a rucksack loaded with rocks (make-believe explosives) he will be wearing a uniform and will identify himself as Air Force and will franticly yell that he needs help we don't anticipate that he will make it that far or that the security will actually swallow this ruse however his goal is to get as close as he can to the ECP and yell allah ackbar and release his dead man's switch and try to take out what he can his evaluatoescort will drop a GBS (ground burst simulator) when he detonates GBS is a little miniature explosive device that just makes a really loud boom anyone who’s been through any type of military training is familiar with them, they are used to add stress and create excitement we are hoping this will be a distraction and will get as much security as possible to converge on that location the rest of us will assault from the other side of the base and try to breach the perimeter several of us will also be rucking explosive rocks for the breach chose a breach point that will have us crossing only a minimal portion of the flightline (place where aircraft operate) if we successfully simulate breaching the perimeter the exercise will be paused and we will be inprocessed through the ECP and brought into the base exercise will resume and we will continue to assault towards the target hangar I will stay outside in my sniper position and try to smoke what I can inside the hangar the team will cover the doors with simulated claymores and take up cover two guys will carry out the simulated sabotage act while the rest cover the doors WHITEBOX doesn't have any inert claymores to provide so the will be simulated with small weighted ammo cans the weight is really starting to become problematic so we abandon the claymores and decide to just cover the doors with firepower would really help if we had a vehicle, but not happening to be fair, vehicles wouldn't make it that close to the base if they tried to attack IRL armored or not
week one down, plan looking solid considering how much of our attack is simulated two weeks of planning is actually excessive not complaining though cause two weeks of hanging out and smoking and joking compared to normal work at Nellis only downside is the hour drive back and forth each day to Creech AFB casino right outside that base with awesome steak and eggs so not too bad though one of the WHITEBOX guys tells us he's actually employed by the Department of Energy he doesn't actually work at Groom Lake, he works at the Nevada Test Range the massive amount of Nevada landscape that is restricted and owned by the feds is actually impressive contrary to popular myth there is road access to Groom Lake via the adjacent test range, but not too many people actually make that drive. the 737 shuttle from McCarran Airport is how everyone gets there since the drive is long as fuck the main paved road through Rachel Nevada that all the tourist flock to doesn't really have any operational use anymore allegedly we will be driving there through the test range via a convoluted series of paved and dirt roads route is CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET, not kidding
DOE dude gives us a tour of the test range one day load cases of water in back of van drive to Mercury Nevada and stop at checkpoint inprocessed inside, get pictures taken and issued escorted visitor passes also required to wear radiation badges once inside get to see all that shit from The Hills Have Eyes, fake towns that were blown up with atomic bombs not as intact as they are portrayed in films though, they are pretty rekt or deconstructed show us a massive crater called the Sedan Crater in the 50's they experimented with using atomic bombs for mass excavation projects hoping they could just nuke the ground and build shit instead of fucking around with bulldozers pretty stupid and impractical but they didn't know any better back then they buried an atomic bomb a half a mile underground and blew it up Sedan Crater left behind as a result and the fucking thing is huge. they allegedly herded cattle down to the bottom of the crater afterwards to test the post fallout effects pretty fuckin savage, and it was actually stunning to look at two hour drive to Groom Lake though endless desert roads now see why we loaded the water, we’d be pretty fucked if the van broke down or got stuck get first distant look at the base without having to enter their checkpoints holyshit.mp4 very few people get to actually see what we are seeing to be honest though, looks like any other air force base I've ever seen except smaller besides the obvious fact that it is in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and its main runway is long as fuck also realize one of the reasons they didn't want us operating vehicles most roads are dirt and the entire lake bed is surrounded by "moon dust" everywhere moon dust is the ultra-fine sand found in certain parts of the desert with the consistency of flour it's also a total bitch to drive in and the security patrols getting stuck is a somewhat frequent occurrence told that they even have some of the AAFES fast food joints there that you find on any other base imagine working at a Burger King that you need a Top Secret security clearance for, how the fuck does that work??? noticed that despite being authorized to be here, we are still being watched by distant security patrols wonder if they know we are the bad guys that are going to be attacking the joint make some minor adjustments to the plan since the google earth pictures lack some detail conclude tour and take the 3 to 4 hour drive back home, most of us slept in the van
arrive at Creech next day and see that more WHITEBOX guys have been added to the mix, now there's like 20 of them for the past two weeks they have been inspecting the security contractors and its procedures you can tell a lot of them are ex-military based off of language and the people that are dipping and spiting in empty water bottles the mood is light, all of the exercise planning is finished, nothing to do the last two days we managed to borrow an empty hangar at Creech and used it as a mockup of our target hangar to run rehearsals no longer asking our insider questions about security, instead start asking completely ridiculous questions about conspiracies for lulz accuse some of them of being reptilians to see how they react, some of them get legit uncomfortable before you go sounding off, doubt they are hiding anything, some folks just don’t get military humor one does, however, and shows us a velcro patch that he wears on his rucksack it's one of those standard patches you spot on a pilot’s flight suit that has the name, rank, branch, and blood type his blood type seriously says reptilian it's obvious that they embrace and poke fun at the reputation this base has, in fact they thrive off of it
the day finally fucking arrives, time to attack this bitch wake up at 0400 and drive an hour to Creech dressed to kill decide to wear DCU "desert combat uniform" pants and a sand t shirt with my personally owned Blackhawk tactical vest to carry spare M4 mags sometimes the military issues some real shitty gear so our unit is somewhat lax and allows us to personally buy our own better equipment if it has command approved use and doesn't break SOPs also wear my empty gas mask pouch attached to my hip and use it to carry spare M82 .50 cal mags also wear a black turban for lulz that I bought off an ANA (Afghani Northern Alliance) dude downrange used to have a guile suite but it got lost on a deployment so that's a no go unfortunately arm up with an M4 with M68 red dot sight and attach a BFA "blank firing adapter" to the muzzle, and load six mags of .556 blanks also provided with my trusty Barret .50 M82 and five mags there is no BFA for the Barret that I'm familiar with so carry that with empty mags, guess I get to cheat with the weight load up in the vans with WHITEBOX team and drive another hour to Mercury get inprosscessed through security checkpoint and receive visitor badges for the test range drive another 2 hour on random roads passing more checkpoints /// REDACTED /// forced to surrender cell phones, personally owned electronic devices and CAC cards (military ID cards) again receive our escorted visitor passes for Groom Lake and now continue down some of the most forbidden roads in American history start unloading as close to our start point as the terrain allows and hump the rest of the distance on foot with our escorts suicide attack bro hangs back in the van with other escorts and is driven to his start point the terrain is favorable and allows us to set up out of sight hence why we chose the spot I break off and try to set up my nest at my chosen OP "observation point" as discreetly as possible not really stealthy cause I'm being followed by a guy wearing an orange reflective vest that says STAN EVAL and he's just casually walking he tells me to set up the Barret, but just simulate your shots by firing the M4 blanks now in a spot where I can observe base activity and provide cover fire for the breach, but I am also the most easy to spot sniper ever now wait for confirmation that our distraction on the other side has happened, taking a real long fucking time
my escort's radio chimes to life and starts talking "attention all WHITEBOX, we now have proper authentication via CASTLE ROCK for initiation of a detachment level exercise" voice on radio proceeds to spit out a long winded exercise safety briefing realize it's been about 40 minutes and we are just now fucking starting another 10 minutes and finally get word that suicide bro is approaching his target escorts all inform us that the security force is responding to reports of an explosion outside of the ECP later find out that suicide bro was stopped and challenged at gun point about 50 meters outside of ECP by a mounted patrol he then just fuck it and started sprinting towards the ECP until they opened fire with blanks and his escort set off the GBS he actually managed to take out the vehicle that stopped him and create several casualties (we gave him the heaviest explosive rocks loadout) overall our distraction was pretty fucking successful give it a another minute or two and finally start shooting and calling my shots to my escort/evaluator he's talking on his radio and relaying my simulated violence, "inform Merc-17 that they are dead from sniper fire" etc... I have predetermined targets to engage based off of what poses the biggest threat to the breach team I actually do some damage and get confirmation of casualties from my escort it's about a 600 meter run to the base perimeter in the open desert so it's on me to try and clear their path as much as I can the plan is to try to lure some security vehicles to our position then eliminate them with the Barret while they are en route the dead vehicles can then serve as points of cover for the breach team as they assault towards the base breach team was also aiming to see if they could snag any security radios from the dead patrols so we can monitor their comms didn't really work out that way however, in the end we simply didn't have all the info about the anticipated security response without giving away too many sensitive details, we all got ambushed by the security from unexpected locations forced to abandon my nest and the Barret to start moving towards another location to back up the breach team that was under fire trade some shots with security until my escort finally announces "ok dude, you're dead. go ahead and lay down" that's it, game over
play dead for about 20 minutes while security cleans up the area breach team gets rekt, we managed to get within 100 meters of the perimeter couple of security dudes approach me and perform a dead combatant body search on me it's a specific type of search designed to search a dead body while also checking for possible explosive booby traps pretend to be dead and let security dudes run my pockets finally one of the evaluators shouts "PauseEx" (pause exercise) we got fucking annihilated, no chance this attack was going to be successful our evaluators tell us that everyone did a great job, HOWEVER.... we are going to continue the exercise because they didn't get the chance to observe much of the internal security components we are going to resume the exercise assuming that we were actually able to get inside that target hangar this will give the evaluators the opportunity to observe the security's recap and recov procedures (re-capture and recovery) we all get magically resurrected from the dead I realize that I am actually going inside Groom Lake! Fucking Awesome...
spend about 15 minutes policing up the area for brass which means wandering around and picking up spent cartridges board vans and get driven around to ECP. realize that only half of the security force is playing in this exercise the rest are still armed with live weapons and are still performing regular protection duties forced to show our visitor passes, names and badge numbers are compared against a master list that the security has /// REDACTED /// /// REDACTED /// notice a homemade sign hanging on the wall at the security center it’s got a picture of an alien with a red X through it that says "no extraterrestrial entities or relics beyond this point" like I said earlier, everyone enjoys the reputation this base has drive to our target hangar, holy fuck! I am now inside Area 51 use of blanks not authorized indoors, everyone is told to clear out weapons rest of the exercise will use simulated firing, the equivalent of pointing your empty weapon at someone and yelling bang sadly not the first time I trained like this, military does it all the time it’s ridiculous and awkward every time, looks like a bunch of kids playing backyard soldiers with sticks security has already reset its posture, they know we are attacking but doesn't know the building we are hitting we all enter the hangar, get the impression that it doesn't actually get used IRL anymore reeks of mildew and no power inside, dust everywhere in the center there is a pickup truck covered with a tarp and roped off with red rope and stanchions, signs posted identifying it as a controlled area told that this is a simulated military asset and this is what we are sabotaging WHITEBOX evaluator pulls a box out of the bed of the truck remember when I said we will have to do a complex and time consuming task to simulate our act of sabotage? it’s a fucking Star Wars Lego kit! I shit you not! evaluators tell us we will need start building it and reach page 12 in the instructions without errors or mistakes kind of wish we went with our earlier plan and brought claymores cause I spotted some sweet chokepoints outside the building to set them up also wish we had the idea of bringing padlocks and chains so we could lock down the hangar and make life more difficult for the security force set up our spots to cover the doors, we are well versed with building clearing tactics so we know what spots to cover to make it hard
WHITEBOX evaluator authenticates over the radio with someone by passing letters and numbers back and forth, process known as sign/countersign voice on radio announces that the detachment level WHITEBOX exercise has resumed showtime! Two unit bros start opening the Lego kit and sorting parts me and the suicide bro weren't supposed to be in this hangar or even on the base to begin with so we don't have points to cover inside come up with idea and ask one of the escorts if we can go out the back on to the flightline plan to walk to two separate buildings in opposite directions and see if we can create distractions evaluators approve the plan, but tell us we can't approach or enter other buildings, nor approach any parked aircraft decide to leave firearms and my tac vest behind for clever reasons if we are unarmed the security will most likely apprehend us, and search us this is more time consuming than just shooting us and will keep them away from the hangar longer exit the back of the hangar on to the flightline and just start casually walking down the tarmac with my escort eventually hear the sound of police sirens in the distance getting louder, hear they come! get the urge to start sprinting but decide not to since it would most likely result in me being tackled on the pavement, fuck that later realize distant sirens are actually responding to hangar after reports of a silent alarm being received so much for the distraction plan
decide not to return to hangar since there is not much I can do unarmed, and continue walking down flightline all the parked aircraft I see are just normal military aircraft, although some do seem to have “enhancements” or cosmetic features that I haven’t seen before ask my escort where they keep all the flying saucers, he smirks and just replies "underground" wonder if there are actually any subterranean levels to this base, suppose a lot of these buildings could support that ask my escort if there are really underground levels, he facetiously says “who knows” white pickup truck with police lights approaching fast pretend not to notice and keep walking voice starts barking at me over a loudspeaker "stop right there! do not move! get your hands up! security mercs climbing out of vehicle with rifles drawn, don't see magazines in the riffles, they are part of the drill they actually try to challenge both of us, escort has to remind them that he is out of play security goons bark at me, "face away from me NOW! keep your hands up!" they are actually pretty intimidating, I comply proceed to have me lay on the ground face down with my arms and legs stretched out yell at me to put my hands in the small of my back, palms together, fingers up big black guy approaches me and actually puts his knee on my neck George Floyd style "don't fight me, don't resist me, or you are gonna get hurt" he says puts me in zip ties and picks me up, see other guards still have weapons drawn on me overall whole thing similar to a gangbanger getting rolled up by the cops black guy puts me in some weird and uncomfortable arm hold tells me to start walking while he steers my body with the arm hold and walks me off the flightline taken to a grassy area, get put back on the ground and searched and questioned /// REDACTED /// I try to bluff and say that the hangar will blow if anyone goes inside, see if that stalls them he tries to question me about it, but I can tell he’s not biting, I decide to tone it down and stay quiet cause the dude really looks like he’s going to fuck me up actually overhear his partner talking on the radio, he’s telling others to exercise caution and beware of possible explosive booby traps lights out, realize that someone put a bag over my head evaluator calls out "EndEX" (end exercise) all portions of the exercise are terminated, it's all over
black security guy cuts my zip ties, takes off the hood and sets me loose later find out that security retook the hangar with no problems my guys inside struggled with the Legos since it was so dark and hard to see instead of immediately going in, security tossed inert CS gas canisters inside none of us brought gas mask since it was something our insider failed to mention evaluator let us build legos for another 30 seconds then yelled “GAS, GAS, GAS” unit bros in the hangar were told to lay on the ground and pretend to be incapacitated security swarmed the place with gas mask and guns, kicked away weapons they got a similar treatment to what I received on the flightline and got hauled out of there we all regroup at the base's main visitor center for the AAR (after action review) overall security responded quite well, only some points were critiqued, nothing failing smoke cigarettes and crack jokes back and forth with the security dudes, finally get to see the human side of the guy who snagged me on the flightline tell him he’s one scary mofo, he smiles and we shake hands security dudes leave, head to base theater for full debrief WHITEBOX guys thank us for our participation, time to head home wait a sec, let’s see some fucking aliens WHITEBOX guy smirks and says he’ll give us the dollar tour another day drive back to Mercury knowing full well that we are not going to hear back from them, especially about a tour return radiation badges to the Mercury office told that if we never hear back from them that it’s a good sign told that if they do call us then our Tricare (military health coverage) will get put to good use whole experience was cool as fuck one of the evaluators hands out business cards for ///REDACTED/// and tells us to look them up when we separate from the military starting pay for the security force is pretty fucking dope and only certain military backgrounds are considered for it return to Indian Springs and hit up the casino for drinks with the original 5 WHITEBOX guys ask if any of the prior OPFOR units actually pulled it off and broke in told that a group of CCT guys from the 24th STS was the closest anyone’s ever gotten but even they still failed makes sense, I’ve heard that those dudes are legit operators tell war stories and get drunk actually receive a letter of appreciation from the Air Force Test Center Detachment 3 from Edwards Air Force Base, California about a month later it thanks me for my participation in an exercise but makes no mention of Groom Lake my participation in a vaguely worded “DOD exercise” actually gets mentioned as a bullet in my annual performance report mfw I attacked Area 51
tldr - me and my coworkers "broke" into Area 51 with automatic weapons so we could put together an X-wing starfighter out of Legos
Thanks for reading. I should mention that I have intentionally withheld a lot of details and even altered a few. I'm not trying to blow up anyone’s spot and compromise shit. Just wanted to share a true story about some cool shit I got to do in my youth. For example WHITEBOX is a completely fabricated name while the whole operation actually went under another random weird name. It still ranks as some of the most cloak and dagger shit I got to do in the military. I actually don’t really tell too many people because it is no one’s business and no one would believe me anyways. I finally figured that enough time has passed and like I said, I have specially tailored this story to avoid leaking any sensitive shit. Overall the base was actually kind of underwhelming. I didn’t really see any earth shattering secrets there. All of the alien and reptilian conspiracy theories were openly mocked and made fun of there. It’s really just a base that gets an extra layer of discreetness and physical security for more sensitive assets and projects to be kept there. The CIA, JSOC and other intel gangs from Washington even have offices out there because it’s just a quiet tucked away place to do business. I will say that their security is no joke and that they have some truly fascinating techniques to detect and deny intruders. Hope you enjoyed.

I haven't played GTA V/Online since 2014, so things have changed a bit. It's all quite overwhelming for newcomers or returning players, especially if you get the Criminal Enterprise Starter Pack like I did.
I snagged my Motorcycle Club, my Bunker, and free vehicles, and proceeded to follow guides for making money with those businesses. I sank too much into them, to the tune of getting down to $500,000 with no profit coming in because I was getting skunked as a solo player, even in a solo public session.
The most difficult part of it all is dealing with the sharpshooter NPC's. These guys are ridiculous! So, we're aiming for non-combat jobs.
That said, here's what I recommend folks do: - Snag the Criminal Enterprise Starter Pack for the $1,000,000. - Link your Amazon/Twitch Prime account with your Rockstar Social Club account to snag another $200,000 (and another $200,000 after 4 weeks consecutive play, supposedly). - Grab a bulletproof helmet ($20,000) from a clothing store, and ensure it's always equipped. (You may skip this, as it's really not necessary, but will help if you get pinned somewhere.) - Purchase a Mini SMG ($8,900). - Purchase a Pegassi Bati 801 motorcycle ($15,000). - Play Mission Repo - Simeonics until Rank 16 (Pause Menu > Online > Jobs > Rockstar Created > Missions > Repo - Simeonics). Profit $16,170. - Once Rank 16, play the Chasers II mission (Pause Menu > Online > Jobs > Rockstar Created > Missions > Chasers II). Queue into it, select Hard, and on the next screen, select Closed so no one else joins so you don't have to wait for them. Start a timer once you load in, go grab the car, ignoring people shooting at you (they'll stop once you get close enough to the destination), and turn in the vehicle once you pass 4:00. Profit $9,480. - Repeat - Once you get to $1,500,000, see this post or watch this video to start making $240,000/hr until you reach $2,200,000.

Notes for fellow noobs

Snacks are how you regain health. Your free CEO office has an executive assistant that provides snacks for free. These can be consumed on-the-fly via the Interaction Menu at Inventory > Snacks.
Ammo can be purchased for your currently-held weapons via the Interaction menu at Inventory > Ammo.
Visit the casino once per day (real time). No matter what, it's worth the drive, even if just for a few thousand RP.
At this point in the GTA Online lifespan, your goal should be to obtain a submarine ($2,200,000) in order to do the Perico Heist. So, after grabbing your free cash, and spending some dough on the aforementioned items, you should be sitting at $1,156,100 before even starting any jobs. You're practically halfway to the submarine already...
The reason we wait for 4:00 is due to the way payout is calculated. Further reading here.

Math

I tried a bunch of things, but what boiled down to being most profitable-to-ease of completion, in order of best to okay, were: 1. Chasers II 2. Repo - Simeonics 3. San Andreas Seoul 4. Warehouse 1x Crate Pickup & Delivery
``` | Job | Avg Time to Complete | Net Profit | Avg Profit per Minute | Profit per Hour | | ------------------ | -------------------- | ---------- | --------------------- | --------------- | | Repo - Simeonics | 10:00 | $16,170.00 | $1,617.00 | $97,020.00 | | Chasers II | 6:45 | $9,480.00 | $1,404.44 | $84,266.67 | | San Andreas Seoul | 9:00 | $11,380.00 | $1,264.44 | $75,866.67 | | Warehouse 1x Crate | 8:00 | $9,000.00 | $1,125.00 | $67,500.00 |
Sample Size for each: 10 ```

Conclusions

Taking into account the costs for each warehouse, we'd have to do roughly 9 hours of solo 1x crate jobs before breaking even. However, these will come in handy with vehicle cargo if I decide to do that in the future.
While Repo - Simeonics is more profitable, it's also slightly more difficult. Taking your Bati 801 to the airport twice to grab two cars takes some time, and has more room for error, especially considering the wanted level at the beginning. That said, the only choke point is at the entrance/exit of the airport, and really isn't an issue. But it is worth noting.
Chasers II can be done in around 2:00, with 2:00 of waiting in Simeon's parking lot to turn in. This can definitely be more boring, so I am currently switching it up between Chasers II and Simeonics.
Once you're ~ Rank 40, you should be able to do some better missions, as mentioned in this post, but you should have already done the Perico Heist by then, and at that point the missions will be less than what you can make with Perico.

Testing Parameters:

Each mission was timed from the beginning of loading into the queue to loading back into free roam.
Crate jobs were timed from leaving the CEO laptop, picking up, taking to warehouse, selling and dropping off, to returning to the CEO office. Office used was Maze Bank West, while warehouses used were White Widow Garage ($360,000) and Convenience Store Lockup ($250,000).
All tests performed using PlayStation 5 with MTU set to 750. With default MTU setting, queuing into missions may be quicker, and therefore even more profitable.

Questions

Why not Sightseer?
Sightseer, the CEO/VIP Work, is definitely non-combat. However, there are so many variables here, that it's just not worth it. You're usually taken on a wild goose chase throughout the northern section of the map. You need a fast airborne vehicle for Sightseer to be worth it. But even then, you probably already have better means of income.
That said, give it a shot! Even if it takes you all 15:00 to complete, it's still $20,000 ($25,000 if completed in under 5:00, but let's not kid ourselves). This comes out to $1,333/min if done in 15:00, or $2,000/min if done in 10:00.

Changelog

12/30/2020 - Added Questions section - Added information regarding Sightseer. - Added information regarding CEO Vehicle Cargo.

GTA is so fun because of your ability to cause chaos and start shit shows but I feel like it’s missing something, and I have an idea for how that can work.
Basically my idea is that the game has become more peaceful and true unadulterated chaos is more rare to see. You’ll see the occasional jet griefer but as a whole you don’t see people having fun just blowing stuff up anymore like you did in the old days.
So my idea is called chaos points
Chaos points are a weekly thing that rotate a wheel of redeemable items or abilities that can be purchased, so every week there’s a different thing available and that said thing will not be available again for some time until it goes back in shuffle.
Here’s how they work.
When you get a wanted level, every minute you survive is worth 10 chaos points, and this multiplies for every level of star you have.
Wanted levels from missions, sales, jobs, etc. DO apply, but only at 1/10 efficiency. So 1 minute in freeplay is 10 minutes of grinding, this is to encourage people to actually mess around and have fun the old fashioned way and not try to maximize earnings or whatever. You also get chaos points for kills, which are once again at 1/10 efficiency in jobs.
PVP jobs and heists are the exception, because these are meant to be fun activities. So kills on those specific jobs will award double points every other kill or every other minute, so you’d basically end up with about 1.5x chaos points.
Chaos points show up as a little number just like RP, it would be a little CHP bubble upon a successful trigger of a chaos point
You can store up some chaos points for the next week, but you can never have more than 5000 CHP at once. The reason is because the items you can redeem CHP for is about 3k CHP. So it protects people from over grinding if they can only have 5k. Which is exactly enough for 1 items and 2/3 of the way there for the next item them want to buy.
So here’s the various ways to get chaos points
NPC kills
Every hostile NPC kill you get will range from 1 to 4 points, needing 10 hostile NPCs to get a point if doing this in a mission or job or what have you. Points are awarded based on the “fun factor” of the kill. Only hostile NPCs that are currently aggroed onto you count toward this.

• 1 point kills would be using bullets, or lock on rockets
  
• 2 points for special ammo, running over enemies, etc.
  
• 4 points would be given for skill kills, which means kills which are a bit more difficult to obtain. This means freeaim/sniper headshots, shooting pilots of aircrafts, knocking enemies off of buildings to get the kill, throwable weapon kills, there could be more than that too. Basically the type of kills you’d have on a highlight reel. There’s no skill involved in this put I’ll classify tank cannons on here too because it encourages fun. I’ll also include weaponized vehicle vs weaponized vehicle kills, and aircraft bomb kills, since both of those at least require SOME skill
  

Anyway, that’s like 750 NPC kills to get 3000 points, which is achievable if you consistently are going on tank rampages or whatever but you’re unlikely to want to do that in one sitting.
Player Kills
These work the same way, except you’d receive 3, 6, and 12 points respective to the individual categories. This is to encourage player vs player interaction. Plus pvp against real players just requires more skill to begin with. You would not however receive points for killing players who are doing free mode events or sales or anything. I don’t think there should be any extra incentive to be mean to people who just won’t to grind.
This would mean 250 player kills to get 3k CHP. Which isn’t bad, I probably get 25 in a single playing session if I’m feeling like PvPing so if I wanted to grind that I bet I could get that done in a weeks worth of play
Some absolute bottom of the barrel cheap tactics will not award anything, like for instance orbital cannons, kills using the mk2 homing missiles (free sim missiles are fine), killing the same player more than 4 times in a 2 minute period, using a weaponized vehicle (aside from plane bombs) on players who aren’t, killing players on the AFK timer, etc.
I’m not saying to straight PUNISH these people, let them play the game how they want, but they just wouldn’t get to use those methods of killing to earn CHP. If they want free kills they can just fight npcs this way. If they just want the kill that’s fine but it should take some level of skill to grind out your CHP
PvP completion
After completing an adversary mode or death match, you will receive 100 chaos points as winner or 20 as loser.
This, as I mentioned, is 1.5x player kills, so you’d need about 167 high quality PVP kills in a week, plus the bonus you get for winning. So now reaching 3k points is seeming pretty achievable, because if you consistently win 50% of the time with an average 9 base level kills per round, that’s like 30 rounds of play to reach 3k points. That’s totally doable. Way more so than just free mode, so maybe people would actually play those pvp modes if it was good for grinding
Races
You get 1 point per checkpoint plus 50% of your score for finishing the race in its entirety without DNFing, and you double this amount for receiving first place with at least 2 other opponents finishing
So if you finish 67 of a 68 checkpoint race you get 67 points and that’s 45 of those races to get 3000.
If you finish that last checkpoint you’re looking at 22 races
And if you consistently finish first that’s only 11 races, perfectly doable
Heist completion
You will receive a bonus 50 chaos points per completion rank. So bronze gets 50, silver 100, etc.
Completing a heist challenges will double any and all points gotten on the heist. So if you got 200 points between the heist and the completion ranks, you’d get 400 when it’s all said and done if you did the elite challenge. Or 800 if you got a first time bonus with that. Stuff like that.
So in theory, just by setting up and finishing prison break with all platinum and an elite (thats 4 setups and an elite challenge finale) you get 1200, over a third of the way to 3k
That’s also perfectly doable
Be warned! You will not receive as much CHP if you are not playing with other players. The whole point of the idea is having fun with other players by competing or playing with them. So if you do a 1 man Cayo perico, that will only be 50 points as a completion award instead of 200 because there’s not 4. Plus casino and cayo only give completion awards for the finale anyway so grinding those is less efficient.
It’s a fair balance since those heists are so good for money but not chaos point grinding whereas doomsday and the apartment heists are really good for CHP
Spending
CHP spending would have about 5 items per week, they cannot be bought for money, ONLY CHP. Costing 3000 CHP each, which means it might take a long while to get it but you can certainly get it done in a whole weeks worth of time if you care enough
The types of things you’d see on the list would be in the same vein as the following, obviously there would be much more. Like 20x the amount of suggestions I have down below. But these are just some ideas I had for the types of things you’d buy.
The way these work is when you’re actually customizing an item you’d find an option that wasn’t previously there, kinda like how holiday horns will show up then disappear.
As you can see, these are all mainly free mode items that make messing around more fun:

• A KERS boost for most non-boostable sports and super car vehicles

This works by allowing you to put KERS on a zentorno for instance, or a kuruma, cars like that. This is not a strong boost like the f1 cars more like the Lectro KERS. It would be incompatible with the most elite cars of the division like the pariah in sports for instance, but in compatible cars like the T20 in supers for instance you’d be able to use this weak KERS boost in races.
This ONLY unlocks it on the car you buy it for, you have to buy it again to put it on another car

• Ability to put bullet resistant glass

Like the previous suggestion, you pay the fee and then it unlocks the glass on that ONE specific car you bought it for. It’s the kind that takes several shots to break. You can put this on the specific armored cars that don’t have it, such as the insurgent or nightshark, or the side windows of the halftrack, or on arena wars windows, etc. not just any car only armored ones

• 50% increased capacity special ammo mags, so they’d be 30 size magazines with 330 capacity bullets instead of 20 size mags with 220 max bullet capacity
  
• extreme mode on heists, you’d flick through the difficult settings and the heist would say “extreme mode-10,000 chp”.
  

These would be double whatever your hard mode pay is set to, so instead of how hard mode pays out 1.5x on the apartment heists this would be 3x, or on doomsday it pays 1.25x this would be 2.5x
Extreme mode would only be unlocked on the individual heist you pay for, and it would be incompatible with casino or cayo perico. Which is in part because that’s OP and also, you can’t really set the difficulty for those game modes in the first place.
as for difficulty, You’d have 0 lives, auto aim works like free aim assisted did back in the day, npcs have doomsday act 3 AI, and the weapon you choose to start with is the only gun you have in the entire heist unless the mission requires you to use something in addition such as a flare gun. No snacks or body armor.
As a cherry on top, all stats are reset to base levels regardless of if you maxed them out, and stats like gun recoil, bullet spread, aircraft turbulence, are increased
Your ammo resets back to max every check point reached, meaning that if you so choose to do this mission using special ammo types you won’t be screwed when you run low on ammo
Setups on extreme mode will pay the host as compensation for the difficulty, otherwise people would do setups on easy exclusively which wastes a lot of the point

• Beast costume: you would be able to turn into the beast.

This would be like a halloween week item. You’d have the jump, and the super punches like director mode. Just no invisibility, access to guns, or access to vehicles like you can in the free mode event. Your health is 3x normal and you heal double speed up to full health.
Fun thing to mess around with but you need to consider it’s not really OP, as some dude with a pistol could 1 hit you. It’s much more like being a walking arena war issi than anything.

• New character animation move sets.

You’d be able to buy these in the character appearance menu. They would be 99% cosmetic but a few animations might have some utility to them given the fact they make your character move different
You could buy, say a thief animation set which lets you have a Franklin lock pick animation, you could sneak in a full crouch.
You could buy a cowboy moveset, which replaces the animations with the red dead animations where they fit, so you’d do a slide rather than a roll, you run different, you have different fight moves. The tackle or choke animations wouldn’t transfer I imagine but maybe they could be used as the stealth takedowns for this moveset

Last item idea I have for you today will be:

• wingsuit

This works kind like the skydive cheat animation mixed with the oppressor mk1 glide. Basically you hold your arms out, there would be flaps between your arms from the suit, and you’d be able to glide off of buildings and land in a roll. The suit would be unable to access certain vehicles such as motorcycles

So as you guys can see, it would be worth it to save up for the featured items, but at the same time it’ll be very difficult to buy more than 2 per week and you’ll have to wait a long time before it’s back in the CHP cycle
Impact
The most fun parts of the game, like pvp, or heisting would be played more. You’d see more people in planes fighting other people in planes rather than in planes getting cheap kills off level 2s. Sure you’d see some of that but it’s just gonna encourages more even playing field battles. Like maybe you’d see more tank fights and less jet griefing if the pvp community were focused on unlocking the new Chaos Point item instead of just leveling up their KD
Heisting would be more fun, having a goal behind it instead of just getting more money to buy more nothing.
Late game players would have something to grind toward, because they can’t just buy whatever items they want. They need to actually play the game, in fact it’s IMPOSSIBLE to save up a ton of CHP and you’re forced to play the game.
It also adds a bit of rpg mechanics, like unlocking the rare and exclusive special items and stuff. I feel like there’s a little bit of that like RP rank unlocks and stuff but it’s not enough to keep late game players interested. So having cycle based unlocks that it’s REALLY hard to unlock all at once could solve this issue

I have all the patches needed to play fallout NV installed and am able to start and play it for a bit up till I leave Doc Mitchells office and shortly after that the game camera freezes, stutters, and acts out sometimes freezing the game with it, sometimes continuing the game but only showing the frozen / stuttering screen.
The game works all right it seems except for this problem which is causing me a headache I was wondering if any of you more experienced mod users had any solutions for this? Almost all my mods were downloaded using Vortex except Fallout New Vegas Limit Fix which I manually installed with the instructions provided in the description.
( I installed it with Vortex before yet it doesn't seem whether I manually installed it or not matters much)
​
Load Order
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FalloutNV.esm
DeadMoney.esm
HonestHearts.esm
OldWorldBlues.esm
LonesomeRoad.esm
GunRunnersArsenal.esm
ClassicPack.esm
MercenaryPack.esm
TribalPack.esm
CaravanPack.esm
YUP - Base Game + All DLC.esm
Sortomatic.esm
BraveNewWorld.esm
FreesideOpen.esm
MoreMojave.esm
TGMIO.esm
ELECTRO-CITY - CompletedWorkorders.esm
FCOMaster.esm
TLD_Travelers.esm
NVInteriors_Core.esm
NVInteriors_ComboEdition.esm
Less Empty Primm.esp
ELECTRO-CITY - Highways and Byways.esm
SomeguySeries.esm
Niner.esm
The New Bison Steve Hotel.esm
Kidnapped by Fiends.esm
More Perks.esm
Courier's Radio.esm
YUP - NPC Fixes (Base Game + All DLC).esp
Unofficial Patch Plus.esp
CombatEnhancer.esp
Vurt's WFO.esp
Logic and Consistency Fixes.esp
EasierMassPurifiedWater.esp
KMGL_Main.esp
EmptyWeapons.esp
B42Inertia.esp
FCO - NPC Changes.esp
JSawyer Ultimate.esp
The True Revival of Luxury - An Ultra-Luxe Overhaul.esp
FreesideOpenPatch.esp
TopsSuiteUpgrade-Main.esp
Mojave Raiders.esp
Bathroom Doors Overhaul - All IN ONE.esp
EVE FNV - ALL DLC.esp
VanGraffOverhaul.esp
TopsToVault21.esp
WeaponModsExpanded.esp
More Perks Update.esp
All Weapon Sounds Overhaul .esp
Saucy Sink.esp
WMX-DLCMerged.esp
Mojave Arsenal.esp
WMX-EVE-AllDLCMerged.esp
IMPACT.esp
Realistic Lead - Bullet Ballistics.esp
Realistic Lead - Bullet Ballistics - IMPACT Patch.esp
Mojave Wildlife (Vanilla-Style).esp
HiddenValleyOverhauled1.2.esp
BraveNewWorld-FCO.esp
CourierCacheWSE.esp
ArizonaArmy.esp
BLMedical.esp
NevadaSkies.esp
The New Bison Steve Hotel.esp
Advanced Recon Armor.esp
SecuritronsOnAlert.esp
NCR Ranger Helmet Neck Cover.esp
RetrievableThrowables.esp
Casino Exchange All.esp
HeinzTrenchShotgun.esp
Watter Putter Outter.esp
Alsatian NCR Guard Dogs.esp
NCR Battle Rifle.esp
RangerSequoiaSafehouse.esp
Living_Lucky.esp
The Tops Restaurant New Menu.esp
ImmersivePickupSoundsFNV.esp
JSawyer Ultimate - Mojave Arsenal Patch.esp
cleanatomicwrangler.esp
JSawyer Mod Vanilla Number of Perks.esp
Show Pickpocket Success Rate.esp
Loot Unconscious Victims.esp
hz_Empty Clicks.esp
IRNPC.esp
Shorter Chem Wear-off Effects.esp
Pyromaniac.esp
TBz Atomic Wrangler VIP Suite.esp
NewVegasBounties.esp
NewVegasBountiesII.esp
TheInheritance.esp
1nivVSLArmors.esp
HuntingRevolver&Sequoia.esp
JSawyer Ultimate - FCO Patch.esp
JSawyer Ultimate - Mojave Raiders Patch.esp
Russell.esp
LFox Bottle That Water.esp
FuckableCompanions.esp
Bash_Stealthboy.esp
NPCs Can Miss.esp
The Mod Configuration Menu.esp
MuchNeededLOD.esp
Nights are Darker - Ultimate Edition.esp
FCO - The New Bison Steve.esp
LiveDismember.esp
lonesome_firetrucks.esp
NVDLC04 Allegiance w Duster.esp
UniqueThinkTank.esp
Lucky38Overhaul.esp
RebreatherRestoration.esp
Simple DLC Delay.esp
Restoring Hope Quest Morale Fix.esp
Project Reality Footsteps.esp
MCPipBoy2000MK6_clock.esp
NVFeralGhoulChildren.esp
NPC Use Aid.esp
NPCsSprint.esp
MigNammo.esp
Immersive Hit Reactions.esp
ImmersiveRecoil.esp
Lobotomitess.esp
GhoulRadTweaks.esp
GhoulRadTweaks - JIP.esp
Female White Glove Society Mask.esp
BetterNCRSupplyCache.esp
Beyond The Beef Tweaks.esp
CloudGrenades.esp
Diagonal movement.esp
CoverOfDarkness.esp
JoeCobbIsFiend.esp
BraveNewWorld-JSU.esp
BraveNewWorld-UncutWastelandNPCs.esp
BraveNewWorld-YUP.esp
TrooperOverhaul-Dragbody.esp
NCRTrooperOverhaul.esp
Splint.esp
ThisMachineKillsFascists.esp
AutumnLeaves.esp
MeleeReachFixed.esp
FCO - Russell.esp
FCO - OHSB NPC Edits.esp
BraveNewWorld-ArizonaArmy.esp
BraveNewWorld-MojaveRaiders.esp
BraveNewWorld-NCRTrooperOverhaulDist.esp
NCRCF Reinforcements.esp
FCO - Niner.esp
KingOfTheRing.esp
GomorrahProstituteEnable.esp
Skip Doc Mitchell's Exam.esp
SaveCass.esp
CourierRangerArmorV2.esp
RangemasterNV.esp
Enhanced NPC Awareness.esp
DIM TYPE3clothesRETAIL.esp
Explosive Sounds Overhaul.esp
ThrowableFixes.esp
Ammo Count Memory.esp
BartonThornTrigger.esp
LootMenu.esp
JIP Improved Recipe Menu.esp
I Got Spurs.esp
ScottmackImprovisedPPSh.esp
Bunk beds.esp
WesternRifles.esp
JustDynamicCrosshair.esp
FNVLODGen.esp

"Probe and vaporize?" "No, abduct and bring back to the mothership." "My way's more fun." "'Abduct'. Not 'Vaporize.'" "Okay, but humanity ain't gonna annihilate itself. All I'm sayin'."
A species that lacked genitalia and so reproduced purely through cloning, the Furon DNA was becoming corrupted after millennia of using and remixing the same samples. Fortunately, through some of their ancestors being frisky with the inhabitants of Earth, hidden within their brain stems was pure, undamaged Furon DNA. Crypto-136 was sent to the planet to collect some and send it back to his home planet. He was promptly shot down, captured, tortured, had information extracted from him, killed, and dissected. So Crypto-137 (and his supervisor, Pox) was sent to finish the job, being far more successful and managing to take over the United States of America by posing as its president. Over the next two decades, Crypto would continue to send a healthy amount of DNA to his homeworld, protecting his business from enemy alien species, genocidal French environmentalists, and a Colonel Sanders knockoff, every so often setting out once again to Destroy All Humans!

Legend

It should be noted that Crypto-137 is the playable character in Destroy All Humans, while Crypto-138 is played in the sequel and Big Willy Unleashed and Crypto-139 is the protagonist of Path of the Furon, both after their predecessor died between games. That being said, as they are exact clones of each other (the sole exception being 138 has genitalia), their feats are applicable for all versions.
Unmarked - Destroy All Humans! (2020 Remake) 2 - Destroy All Humans! 2 BWU - Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed PotF - Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon

Physicals

• Punched in the face by an army commander, knocking him back
• Stabbed with a fish<sup>PotF</sup>
• Hit by the Temporal Fist technique by an older, more experienced furon (attacking him a large amount of times in frozen time) before getting sent into a pillar with a final punch<sup>PotF</sup>
• Crashes in his saucer after its power is knocked out by a Tesla coil, being knocked out but surviving otherwise unharmed
• In gameplay can catch a rocket before it hits him
• Runs away after a nearby tank fired before the ground by him explodes<sup>PotF</sup>

Shield

Crypto is almost always protected by an energy shield which depletes when damage is dealt, and automatically regenerates after a period of being unharmed. With an upgrade the shield is briefly invulnerable after taking damage. While the shield is down, Crypto can be killed by practically any attack.

• Can block a blow from an enormous robotic squid's tentacle<sup>PotF</sup>
• Blocks bullets and shotgun blasts
• Blocks bullets from an anti-aircraft gun
• Protects from a stomp which tears up the ground in a large circle around a mech, also covering the ground with flames
• Blocks tank shots<sup>PotF</sup>
• Is mostly (but not fully) depleted from an explosion during a compulsory tutorial. A building, the front of which is a similar distance to the bomb as Crypto is, is leveled by the blast<sup>2</sup>
• Takes only a slight amount of damage from his Ion Blaster
• Can take blasts from a Nexosporidium warriors<sup>PotF</sup>
  • One such blast can seemingly vaporize a human<sup>PotF</sup>
• Blocks a stream of flame<sup>PotF</sup>
• Protects against germs

PK

Crypto has potent psychic abilities which manifest in a number of ways.

Telekinesis

• Bends a tv aerial
• Catches a rocket before it hits him and throws it back
• Seems to get money out of an ATM before yanking it free and carrying it<sup>PotF</sup>
• Lifts and throws large rocks
• Lifts and throws a generator<sup>PotF</sup>
• Lifts and throws cows a great distance
• Easily moves around cars<sup>PotF</sup> and vans<sup>PotF</sup>
• With slight delay on picking it up, carries and throws a 50s era fighter plane
• With slight delay on picking it up, carries and throws a tank
  • A better shot of how far it can be thrown
• Throws a man into stone statues, obliterating them<sup>PotF</sup>
• With an upgrade, can throw a small object with the same strength as if he was throwing something massive
• Can magnetize people and objects towards what he's holding<sup>PotF</sup>
• Seems to restrain a person being lifted<sup>PotF</sup>

Machine Influencing

• Activates a keypad
• Makes a crane drop its load
• Causes an EMP mine to explode
• Turns off a generator
• Influences a control panel to turn off the energy cage he's in
• Sabotages a saucer, causing it to break shortly after taking to the air

Mind Reading / Suggestion

• With a cortex scan, can read the mind of a person without them noticing
  • Also works on animals
• Makes a person dance to cause a distraction
• Compels people to dance with Free Love, making them forget any alien occurrences they just witnessed<sup>2</sup>
  • Using this on one person causes everyone in the surrounding area to also dance<sup>2</sup>
  • Has a Disco Fever variant in the seventies<sup>PotF</sup>
• Can implant suggestions in people, such as making them follow him or whoever he's disguised as
  • These followers will protect Crypto in a fight if they're armed
  • After implanting a suggestion in a person to follow him to his saucer, it ends abruptly and they become aware of their situation as soon as they're standing under it
• Has a soldier open a gate for him
• Makes a man drive a truck carrying an atomic bomb to an air force base
• Causes people to forget what they just saw
  • Through making them forget, can stop a person from following him

Holobob

• Copies the appearance of a person, making them frozen and invisible while the disguise is up. It gradually loses power over time, needing Crypto to cortex scan people to replenish it
  • The fading of the disguise is a representation to the player of it losing power, while surrounding humans don't notice anything wrong
  • The disguise breaks when Crypto commits an offensive psychic action, causing people to see him as an alien threat. If Crypto hides for a short while, he can continue using the same Holobob without issue
• Can convincingly portray people, as shown with him acting as a town's mayor at a speech with none of them noticing an issue
  • Portrays the President of the United States in a televised address without anyone seeing an issue

Body Snatch

• Allows Crypto to jump into the body of a person, controlling them. He can come out of the body without issue when he wishes to leave it<sup>2</sup>
• While possessing a body, it slowly loses energy with the body dying once this bar depletes. Energy can be replenished by cortex scanning people<sup>PotF</sup>
  • Energy is also lost through the body taking damage<sup>2</sup>
  • When the body dies, Crypto is ejected without injury<sup>2</sup>
• Body snatches animals such as a cow<sup>BWU</sup> and a chicken<sup>BWU</sup>
• Body snatches another furon<sup>PotF</sup>
• Crypto can perform other PK abilities while bodysnatching someone<sup>2</sup>
• Can body snatch while both him and his target is wearing a helmet on the moon<sup>2</sup>
• Body snatches from a distance without the person noticing, though it could be down purely to how people in Big Willy Unleashed are notably unresponsive to anything happening around them<sup>BWU</sup>
• Body snatching a drunk person makes Crypto drunk while possessing them<sup>PotF</sup>
• His voice does not change while body snatching someone. This does not make anyone he talks to think anything's weird, as he can talk to a KGB agent while possessing another KGB agent without issue being raised<sup>2</sup>
  • Portrays a mob godfather without anyone thinking anything's wrong<sup>PotF</sup>

Transmog

• Transmutes an item into ammunition for his weapons by breaking objects down to their most basic components and reforming them
• Works on both small objects, like a kid's cart, and large objects, like a car
• Transmogs a large armoured vehicle<sup>2</sup>
• Can be used as a means of destroying vehicles<sup>2</sup>

Brain Extract

• Blows up a person's head, easily allowing Crypto to collect a person's brain stem
• Also works on corpses
• Can be transmitted to multiple targets when a person's head explodes
• Humans in the final stages of this attack their allies

Mind Flash

• Completely stuns every human in the world<sup>2</sup> for a short time, as shown here, though some humans are more resistant than others. This ability is replenished through collecting brain stems<sup>2</sup>

Time Stop

• Can stop time for a period with Crypto (or whoever he's body snatching) being able to freely move about in the meantime<sup>PotF</sup>
• With the Temporal Fist technique can use his telekinesis in stopped time, with thrown objects flying in the fired direction when time resumes<sup>PotF</sup>
  • Throws a projectile spat at him at high speeds back at his attacker like this<sup>PotF</sup>
  • As objects put in the air remain there, Crypto can place and jump on platforms to reach high areas<sup>PotF</sup>
• Fires his Ion Detonator, with the blasts exploding when time resumes<sup>PotF</sup>

Other

• Seems to knock a man out by hitting him with psychic energy
• Makes an explosive barrel explode
• Makes a large radioactive hay bale explode
• Appears to teleport in from somewhere, though exactly how or from where is unknown<sup>PotF</sup>

Weapons

Zap-O-Matic

• Shoots streams of electricity to shock and kill enemies
• Can chain between enemies
  • While the damage usually decreases with each enemy it links to, an upgrade has the power increase instead
• Destroys slot machines<sup>PotF</sup>
• Obliterates a poker table with a short blast<sup>PotF</sup>
• Blows up a 70s car with a sustained blast<sup>PotF</sup>
• Destroys the bars of a cage he's trapped in<sup>BWU</sup>
• Knocks a man out with a brief shock<sup>PotF</sup>
• Is collapsible<sup>2</sup>
• By shocking them, activates and powers petrol-fueled generators<sup>PotF</sup>

Anal Probe

• Shoots a beam which goes up the target's ass, damaging both their behind and their head until their head explodes, allowing Crypto to extract their brain stem
  • Can fire multiple of these probes
• Are heat seeking and burst fire in Path of the Furon,<sup>PotF</sup> capable of firing multiple rounds at a single person or shooting at multiple people at once<sup>PotF</sup>
• Disinfects humans of a spore which mutates them into a creature without killing them<sup>2</sup>

Disintegrator Ray

• Destroys slot machines<sup>PotF</sup>
• Disintegrates people<sup>BWU</sup>
• Disintegrates cows in two shots
• Sets targets ablaze with repeat shots
• Blows up large metal boxes
• Can be upgraded to be rapid fire and to shoot up to three blasts at the same time
• Shoots balls of fire
  • In Path of the Furon, they instead shoot ultra-hot antimatter slugs<sup>PotF</sup>

Ion Detonator

• Shoots balls which explode in a large field of energy after a certain amount of time has elapsed, or on command
• The blast disintegrates people
• Can pull objects and enemies towards the projectile before it explodes
• An upgrade gives it a high chance of transmogging objects and vehicles it destroys
• With an upgrade, time slows for a short while after a blast explodes, with this ending early if Crypto attacks again. It's unknown if this is genuinely time slowing or if it's just Crypto's perception of time, though the description implies the former

Dislocator

• Doesn't deal damage, but sends whatever it hits moving about at notable speed, including heavily armoured vehicles<sup>2</sup>
• Easily moves a double decker bus<sup>2</sup>

Meteor Strike

• Locks onto a spot and calls down a meteor to strike it<sup>2</sup>
• Can destroy buildings<sup>2</sup>
• With an upgrade, calls down three meteors plus a small planetoid<sup>2</sup>

Gastro Gun

• A janitor and cook from Crypto's mothership, like Pox he downloaded his consciousness into a floating hologram unit outfitted with weapons. It shoots powerful energy blasts before self-destructing on running out of energy<sup>2</sup>

Burrow Beast

• Fires a ball of bait which can me moved about through telekinesis, luring out a large worm-like creature to burrow along the ground, erupting out to eat people<sup>2</sup>

Ball Lightning

• Shoots a floating ball of electricity which zaps all nearby enemies<sup>BWU</sup>
• Can charge the Big Willy mech<sup>BWU</sup>

Zombie Gun

• Turns enemies into zombies<sup>BWU</sup>

Shrink Ray

• Fires blasts which shrink what they hit, be them enemies or objects<sup>BWU</sup>

Superballer

• Shoots a ball which streams a rainbow behind it, homing in on enemies as it bounces around<sup>PotF</sup>
• Carries enemies with it<sup>PotF</sup>

Venus Human Trap

• Spawns a large, man-eating plant where it shoots<sup>PotF</sup>
• Its vines can lift a police car<sup>PotF</sup>
• Only one can be active at a time, lest they attack each other<sup>PotF</sup>

Black Hole Gun

• Creates a miniature black hole where it shoots, sucking in nearby objects and obliterating them before disappearing shortly after. It is used to destroy to large, thick metal doors<sup>PotF</sup>
• Destroys a generator<sup>PotF</sup>

Other Gear

Jetpack

• Expands from his back, letting him fly up a distance before stopping to prevent the jetpack from disastrously overheating. While not propelling him up, allows him to glide and slow his descent
  • Can be improved to give him much greater flight time before needing to cool down and glide<sup>PotF</sup>
• Lets Crypto dash forwards a short distance
  • Can deflect projectiles and send massive enemies flying
• Through the Supra Kinetic Antigrav Thrust Enhancer (S.K.A.T.E.), Crypto combines thrust from the jetpack with psychic energy around his feet to float around at high speed along solid and semi-solid surfaces

Holopox

• A floating holographic communicator Pox uses to communicate with Crypto, either remotely or due to him having downloaded his consciousness into it from Destroy All Humans 2 onwards
• Has a weapon that seemingly obliterates a furon<sup>PotF</sup>
• Creates a hologram of a film projector, which then somehow projects a film onto a screen

Saucer

In Path of the Furon, after getting drunk and crashing his original flying saucer in his casino, Crypto was gifted a new one by Pox after getting back in action. Its capabilities are mostly the same, but unless that saucer or a composite saucer is specified while using Crypto feats marked PotF should be excluded.

Shield

Like Crypto, the saucer has a shield which protects it from damage and will be destroyed if hit when depleted. It also can be upgraded to be briefly invincible after taking a hit. Unlike Crypto's, the ship's shield doesn't automatically regenerate, instead needing to drain energy from vehicles to do so, whether they just be nearby or being held in its abduct-o-beam<sup>2</sup>

• In a cutscene, has an atomic bomb explode nearby it
  • Said bomb was labelled as being 10,000 MT
• Shot by tanks
• Can take direct hits from missiles and anti-aircraft guns

Repulse-O-Tron

• Emits an energy pulse from the saucer, destroying nearby missiles
• With an upgrade, can repel projectiles back to whoever fired them

Abduct-O-Beam

• Raises people into the air, being able to suck them into the saucer<sup>2</sup>
  • The new saucer can do this en-masse<sup>PotF</sup>
• Carries and throws around cars and trucks
• Lifts and throws a tank
• Can transmog abducted vehicles, turning them into ammunition<sup>2</sup>
• Can be used while cloaked<sup>BWU</sup>

Cloak

• Turns the Saucer invisible<sup>2</sup>
• Can instead disguise it as a blimp<sup>BWU</sup>

Weapons

Object Destruction
These can be done by any attack in their respective games, either with an extended Death Ray (as shown in most of these) or some other accumulation of damage.

• Instantly destroys blimps<sup>2</sup>
• Destroys cars and anti-aircraft guns
• Destroys army trucks and tanks
  • Can make them flip high into the air on being destroyed
  • The upgraded Death Ray and other more powerful attacks can instantly destroy tanks<sup>PotF</sup>
• Blows up a two storey building
• Levels a large building<sup>2</sup>
• Blows up a large diner
• Levels a warehouse<sup>BWU</sup>
• Blows up a skyscraper with extended damage<sup>PotF</sup>
• With a heavy amount of damage, causes the collapse of the Space Dust casino<sup>PotF</sup>

Death Ray

• In a cutscene, obliterates a lighthouse with a brief blast
• With a large amount of damage destroys a giant building<sup>PotF</sup>
• Can shoot directly down

Sonic Boom

• Shoots powerful blasts of sonic energy
• Sends a tank flying<sup>2</sup>
• Destroying a vehicle has that vehicle create a large shockwave, which in turn causes vehicles they destroy to make large shockwaves
• Blasts can be surrounded by a vortex which sucks in missiles and other projectiles, adding their damage to the boom's blast

Quantum Deconstructer

• Shoots a green blast of energy which expands on contact, dealing incredible damage and being able to instantly blow up buildings
• Objects and buildings destroyed by it have a chance of being transmogrified into ammo

Anti-Grav Field

• Creates a spot which has everything in the immediate area float and gravitate towards it<sup>2</sup>

Electro-Cone

• Creates a field of electricity around the saucer, striking targets below with bolts of electricity<sup>BWU</sup>
• Quickly fries and destroys trucks<sup>BWU</sup>

Seeker Drones

• Projectiles which lock onto potentially multiple targets, homing in on them when fired<sup>PotF</sup>

Plasma Cannons

• Shoots rapid fire energy blasts<sup>PotF</sup>

Tornadotron

• Creates a tornado that Crypto can control around, also being the only weapon he can use while cloaked<sup>PotF</sup>

Other

• Gets zapped by a large Tesla coil, deactivating it and causing it to crash, but it still functions when Crypto re-obtains it
• Quickly flies from the upper atmosphere down to Earth
• Can slowly lower and raise Crypto to and from the ground
• Seems to restrain a person underneath it with energy around the limbs, also being able to flip them in the process
• Can blend the genes of abducted humans to improve the effects of the saucer and Crypto in various ways, such as letting him body snatch certain types of people faster<sup>2</sup>
• Has an experiment table inside of it<sup>PotF</sup>
• Contains a Jump Probe, which greatly hurts anyone inside of it while seemingly rapidly aging them, used as a torture device to extract info
• Its fuel cells, if breached with explosives a few blocks away from the White House, could level the entire city
  • In Path of the Furon, the saucer runs on furon super go-go sludge or, in lieu of that, radioactive waste<sup>PotF</sup>
• In Destroy All Humans! 2 and Path of the Furon, the saucer can only land at sites designated by statues to the old furon god after fulfilling their task<sup>PotF</sup>

Big Willy

Big Willy is the fast food chain Pox set up to dispose of the corpses Crypto left behind while turning a profit on the side. Each of their 500 locations (or at least the three locations seen) have a giant statue of its mascot outside of it, which is actually a mech suit Crypto can pilot.

Physicals

• Jumps in to where Crypto is<sup>BWU</sup>
• Makes a vehicle-moving shockwave on jumping<sup>BWU</sup>
• Uproots and throws a tree<sup>BWU</sup>
• Lifts and throws cars<sup>BWU</sup>
• Picks up and throws a large stone pillar with it shattering on impact<sup>BWU</sup>
• Picks up and throws tanks<sup>BWU</sup>
  • A better view of the possible distance<sup>BWU</sup>
• Has a thrown rock shatter on it<sup>BWU</sup>
• Can be shot by a tank which immediately before leveled a warehouse in a single shot, with the tank's driver asking what the mech's made out of<sup>BWU</sup>

Abilities

Regurg-A-Tron

• Sprays green liquid from the mouth, damaging anything in front of it<sup>BWU</sup>

Heat Beams

• Shoots lasers from his eyes, which with extended blasts can level buildings<sup>BWU</sup>

Wind Breaker

• Releases a burst of gas all around Big Willy, causing heavy damage<sup>BWU</sup>

Other

• When Big Willy gets hit, it loses energy. It can also be deactivated for a time through an EMP blast<sup>BWU</sup>
• Can be recharged through Crypto's electric weapons hitting a device which comes out of its back<sup>BWU</sup>
  • Also recharges through consuming brains<sup>BWU</sup>

Weaknesses

• Is notably weak to water, with it rapidly draining his shield and potentially killing him
  • Water acts as acid to furons
  • In Big Willy Unleashed, it instantly kills him on contact<sup>BWU</sup>
  • He no longer takes any form of damage with water in Path of the Furon<sup>PotF</sup>
• Electromagnetic pulse emitters can stop his equipment weapons and jetpack from working<sup>BWU</sup>
• EMP mines deal damage and temporarily deactivate his weapons
• When some humans had their latent furon DNA activated, they could hurt Crypto with the equivalent of mental screaming

Other

• Has a vision augmentation that connects his weapons to his cerebral cortex, allowing him to lock onto enemies
  • Can easily switch his lock on between enemies
• Attaches a helmet to his suit to survive on the moon<sup>2</sup>
• In Big Willy Unleashed, whenever Crypto dies it's said his genetic material is quickly replicated and cloned, being able to continue the mission immediately. However, a new clone isn't canonically made until between Big Willy Unleashed, and this doesn't appear representative of the process in the rest of the games<sup>BWU</sup>

"You two-bit tin horn petty tyrant! I fart bigger than you! You think just because you can keep a few depressed peasants in line you can go toe to toe with me? I'm the king of the world! The master of disaster! The baddest dude in the whole damn town! King Kong ain't got nothing on me!"