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Last week while WSOPC was in my home casino near St. Louis, I managed to make 5 final tables and win Casino Champ in an absolutely crazy race. Two separate people won two rings and finished 3rd and 4th in total points. Another won 1 ring, and made two other final tables, and I squeaked it out without an outright win. I cashed 5 events and made the FT in all of them. I finished 2nd, 4th, 4th, 5th and 8th.
I get a $10k seat in the Global Championship at the beginning of next season. Here's a writeup about the series: https://www.wsop.com/news/2019/Aug/11174/AMERISTAR-ST-CHARLES-CIRCUIT---AUG-2019.html

Not Financial Advice (NFA)
Warning: Wall of Text. If you hate reading just skim through the bolded/italicized
Ever since I publicized my findings on DKNG, the stock has underperformed & probably has fucked a lot of people here, especially given the overly bullish stance back in June. Unless you took my advice & got into Puts then, congrats, welcome to tendie town. For the ADHD retards, here’s what the next wall of text is going to summarize: I believe at the current price of ~$30, the stock is oversold.
A tech-focused, high-growth Company that has made sports betting easy to understand with an aesthetically pleasing interface similar to how Robinhood has neatly laid out stock market gimmicks so even high-schoolers can make sense of it I believe, is underpriced at these levels.
Let’s get into some details as to why the stock has underperformed:
First off, the news slate revolving sports with the rumored delay/cancellation of the MLB season & the NFL watching from the sidelines is in my view, just a part of why the stock has underperformed. We’ll revisit this later in this post, but I want to focus on the drivers of the stock’s recent underperformance, & why these factors are now in the rearview mirror.
Part I – The Past Has Passed – SPAC-related Equity Dilution
History lesson first: DKNG went public via a SPAC merger, which has exploded in popularity recently. Anyone serious about analyzing stocks going forward needs to do their homework on this, Google is your friend.
A feature of most SPAC merger to public listings that creates a headwind to near-term share prices are embedded equity dilution events, usually in the form of earn-outs (stock bonuses to execs, the SPAC sponsor) & conversion of Warrants.
On 5/24, the earn-outs were triggered, adding 6m shares to the share count.
On 6/26, 16.3m warrants converted to DKNG, netting them ~$188m of cash.
Stepping back a little, in addition to the above, on 6/18 DKNG launched a follow-on equity offering of 16M shares @ $40/Share [1], receiving $621M in proceeds.
The last part is tricky to understand from a dilution perspective. To simplify, historically it’s almost a coin toss whether a Company’s shares outperform on the onset of an equity offering. While issuing shares does dilute the existing shareholder base, it theoretically shouldn’t, if the proceeds from the offering are earmarked for investments/projects that yield outsized returns. This is the reality for the long term, theory for the short-term. For the short-term, the ‘reality’ isn’t that the proceeds will be used for investments/projects that yield outsized returns, it is more about how convincing management is to investors that the investments they intend to pursue with the proceeds will outweigh the dilutive effects of issuing incremental shares. That’s a mouthful, but hopefully you get what I’m trying to convey.
All of this stuff put together – the Company has increased its share count by ~39M, but now has a whopping ~$1.4Bn of cash [2]. More on this in the next section.
Part II – MLB News Should Not Fucking Matter & DKNG Is Positioned As the Leading Online/Mobile Sports Platform
DKNG should not be so tied to MLB news or any of this shit as the ongoing success of the NBA/NHL season + Soccer in Europe has effectively created a blueprint on how to regulate player behavior so that they maintain professionalism amidst the pandemic. I’m going out on a whim here, but I truly think the MLB threatening a cancellation of the season is pure posturing to get these fuckers to behave appropriately. Maybe a ‘bubble’ is what it takes to get these players to focus on their jobs instead of going out & contracting COVID, but I argue that isn’t necessarily required given Soccer in Europe. So there’s already a proven path here without the need for a bubble in Soccer, so MLB/NFL should be fine, and execs need to study how they got it done in Europe. Okay, back to some facts.
Anecdotally, I’ve kept in touch with a handful of sports bookies from California to New York & even internationally about what they’re seeing – all of them say that since the NBA season started on 7/30 & since Soccer (especially the Premier League) resumed in June, along with other leagues like La Liga & Serie A, they’ve seen massive increases in betting.
These numbers are also showing up in the official data [3]:

Average % increase in sports betting handle from April 2020 to June 2020 (handle is the total $ wagered in sports bets) from the states that reported up to June 2020 (NJ, PA, MS, RI, WV, IA, IN, NH) of +258%!
- Note: NV is left out due to the site I sourced showing a weirdly negative number – so I dug into the official filings & show specifically, Sports Mobile betting growth from June since April has growing by at least +73% [4]

REMEMBER: This is for June only! No NBA, No NHL, No MLB, just Soccer, Golf, NASCAR & UFC.
The data clearly shows that there was a ton of pent-up sports betting demand, which leads one Wall St. analyst to think that betting on the NBA/NHL could ABSORB the MLB’s sports betting handle (handle = total $ size of sports bet) [5]. Remember, the MLB season is still ongoing, with games being played. The entire focus is on the Miami Marlins & St. Louis Cardinals. Fucking retards.
Additionally, I want to remind everyone that DraftKings.com is the #1 Fantasy sports website in the U.S. [6]. Also, since April 2020 site visitations are up +86% [7] & Google Search Trends for “Draft Kings” is up ~3x compared to PRE-COVID levels [8]. What does this mean? They are piquing more people’s curiosity than prior to COVID/ongoing slate of sports.
This is important because remember that ~$1.4Bn chest full of cash I mentioned DKNG had assembled earlier? Well, that money is being put to work & results are already coming in, which is exactly what DKNG intended to do with it.
Part III – Legalization of Sports Betting in the U.S.
I could write a fucking bible on this topic alone, but for now we’ll stick to some basics. Due to COVID, it’s easy to understand that each State’s financial situation is clearly in shit. Because of this, you better believe that these guys are going to start taking a hard look at how they can extract additional tax revenues, & what’s one of the easiest ways to do this? Legalization & taxation of gambling.
The big players: CA, TX, FL & NY. First, CA pushing its legislation out to 2023 was fucked up, but here’s a twist I want to add to this: Anything that has to do with gambling in CA you better believe is lobbied against by not just the Tribal casino owners in CA, but by the deep pockets of Las Vegas money. Similar thing can be said for FL, but let’s take a look at some actions by LV/nationwide gambling companies that are starting to align financial incentives with guys like DKNG.

MGM / GVC Holdings JV in BetMGM - $450m total invested
PENN invests $163m into BS Sports
Caesars has a 20% stake in William Hill plus partnership deals with The Stars Group (TSG) & our winner DKNG for operating its sports books

So it’s safe to say going forward, nationwide legalization of sports betting will reap rewards for everyone involved, & no longer be something LV money is completely focused on safeguarding.
Let’s also not forget that DKNG didn’t become the Company they are today because of their fancy app, but because their management team has a HISTORY of navigating the U.S.’s legal framework to get what they want out of it.

The Crown Jewel – The Internet Gambling Prohibition & Enforcement Act: I said it in a previous post, but I want to emphasize that them getting Fantasy Sports to be labeled a ‘game of skill’ by FEDERAL Law as opposed to gambling is just something for the history books. Fucking genius shit. When this happened I bet every casino from LV to every Indian Tribe that has one was against it, yet DKNG & other DFS providers won.
There’s more, but more recently: Getting into IL:
- In IL, there’s an 18-month ‘penalty box’ for Companies that offer DFS to offer sports betting. Our guys at DKNG created a workaround to this situation with their partnership with Casino Queen [9]. DKNG being savvy again.

These guys are at the cutting edge of creating legal frameworks to successfully launch their products & now with more of their ‘competitors’ financially aligned with them, combined with financial deterioration of State budgets, we should see an overweighting of good news vs. bad on the legal front.
Final Part – Share Price Targets
Under-fucking priced at anything below $42.50
Near-term catalysts:
8/14: DKNG files 2Q’20 results, might be shitty, but you can bet that the Earnings Call is going to contain rhetoric on how massive the uptick in sports betting has been since late June/July.
Sometime from now until November: NY releases ‘study’ by Spectrum Gaming on online/mobile sports betting.
8/20 – 9/7: PGA Championship for FedEx Cup Title
9/5 – KY Derby
9/10: NFL KickOff Game
9/17: PGA U.S. Open Start Date
Month of October: NBA/NHL Playoffs
10/1: Estimated launch of online sports betting in TN
11/1: Estimated launch of online sports betting in VA
[1] https://draftkings.gcs-web.com/news-releases/news-release-details/draftkings-announces-proposed-public-offering-class-common-stock
[2] Wall St. Research – DKNG on 6/29/20
[3] https://www.legalsportsreport.com/sports-betting/revenue/
[4] https://gaming.nv.gov/modules/showdocument.aspx?documentid=16984; Note: Nevada did not break out April/May figures but from the Revenue difference of 3 month ended June 30 of 4,950 vs. month of June of 2,297 for a total difference of 2,653 spread evenly over April/May for a base case April estimate of 1,327.
[5] Wall St. Research - 7/27/20
[6] https://www.similarweb.com/top-websites/category/sports/fantasy-sports/
[7] https://www.similarweb.com/website/draftkings.com/#overview
[8] https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?geo=US&q=draft%20kings Feb 23-29, 2020 vs. Current Aug 2 – Aug 8, 2020
[9] https://www.legalsportsreport.com/42314/draftkings-illinois-sports-betting-market-access/

all times EST - check local listings.
Deck the HallsTomorrow, 12:00 AM / FAM-E 52As two neighbors in a small town prepare for the festivities of Christmas, they get into an all-out war when one decides to decorate his home with so many lights that they are visible from space, but they soon learn the true meaning of Christmas.
The Most Wonderful Time of the YearTomorrow, 12:00 AM / HALMRK 68A single working mother's disdain for the holiday season is put to the test when her uncle, a kindly, retired police officer, brings a mysterious stranger by her home in an effort to rekindle the Christmas spirit for her and her young son.
Martin - Holiday BluesTomorrow, 12:00 AM / BET 71Martin wants to take Gina to Philadelphia in order to visit her parents for the Christmas holiday, but when their bus gets unexpectedly snowed in at the station, their bags also get stolen, jeopardizing their trip altogether.
A Godwink ChristmasTomorrow, 12:00 AM / HALLMV 84When a St. Louis antique appraiser accepts a marriage proposal from her boyfriend, her aunt invites her to her Nantucket home near Martha's Vineyard, but while there, she meets a charming inn owner and begins to fall in love with him.
People Presents: Once Upon a Main StreetTomorrow, 12:01 AM / LIF-E 38A woman makes plans to turn an empty storefront into a year-round Christmas shop, but when she learns a man has the same idea, they both agree to help the current property owner with his holiday chairman duties with hopes of winning the space.
Finding ChristmasTomorrow, 2:00 AM / HALLMV 84After men from New York and North Carolina decide to switch residences during the holiday season, each one encounters a woman from the other's life, and as romance ensues, the time for each person to return home approaches.
Dear ChristmasTomorrow, 2:04 AM / LIF-E 38A popular podcast host known for being a love expert prepares for her holiday episodes where she shares true romance stories with her listeners, but despite the subject matter of her show, she has never experienced love herself.
PJ Masks - PJ Masks Save ChristmasTomorrow, 2:15 AM / DISNEYJR 179The PJ Masks work alongside Santa Claus when Romeo decides to ruin Christmas for everybody to being placed in the infamous naught list.
Extreme Christmas TreesTomorrow, 3:00 AM / TLC 46From the breath-taking decadence of the largest Christmas tree installation in Las Vegas to a fragrant fir adorned with over $200,000 worth of specifically collected ornaments, the holidays will officially be kicked into high gear.
Disney's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - Mickey Saves SantaTomorrow, 3:25 AM / DISNEYJR 179Christmas is in danger of not happening this year when Santa's sleigh breaks down on Christmas Eve and he is unable to deliver all of the presents in his bag, so Mickey and friends come to Santa's aid and help ensure all the gifts are given out.
Rick Steves' Special: European ChristmasTomorrow, 3:30 AM / WEDU-DT 3/ PBS / HDTVHost Rick Steves hosts a colorful celebration of Christmas traditions from all across Europe, with traditions from England, to Wales, France, Norway, germany and others; bright Christmas markets and performances from local choirs.
Felix the Cat Saves ChristmasTomorrow, 3:45 AM / STRZFK 274The Professor and Rock Bottom are plotting to ruin Christmas by creating the world's largest blizzard, and it's up to Felix the Cat and Poindexter to journey to the North Pole and save Christmas with the help of Santa Claus.
Double HolidayTomorrow, 4:00 AM / HALMRK 68A career-driven woman competes for a promotion opportunity at work with her office co-worker, but when the CEO asks the two of them to plan the company's Christmas party, they start to learn more about one another and feelings begin to develop.
The Christmas OrnamentTomorrow, 4:00 AM / HALLMV 84After a widow decides to keep her winter holiday festivities relatively low key, she soon encounters a Christmas tree lot owner who provides her with a decorative item, and she starts to realize that there may be a lot more to life.
Fresh Beat Band of Spies - Christmas 2.0Tomorrow, 4:13 AM / NGN-E 125The Fresh Beat Band of Spies must embark on an adventurous journey to the North Pole in order to deck the halls and prevent Christmas from being ruined by an elf, who is overly enthusiastic, and his mechanical Santa Claus
The Great Christmas Light FightTomorrow, 4:55 AM / AMCALL 64Families from Pleasanton, Calif., Hillsboro, Tenn., St. George, Utah and Duluth, Minn. compete in a contest to see who can impress the judges with creative Christmas house decorations in order to win the prize of $50,000.
Buttons: A Christmas TaleTomorrow, 4:57 AM / STRZFK 274Two orphan girls' only wish is to find a home for Christmas, and when they meet two unexpected visitors, they turn out to be their guardian angels who, with a little help, turn the tide of events and change their lives forever.
Love That Girl! - Happy Hold Up DayTomorrow, 5:00 AM / TVONE 146The holiday season takes a turn for the worst when a group of bank robbers decides it is the perfect time to undertake a Christmas Eve heist that results in the unintended consequence of Imunique and her friends being taken hostage.
Christmas in HomesteadTomorrow, 6:00 AM / HALMRK 68A famous actress comes to a Christmas-obsessed small town in Iowa to shoot a holiday-themed movie and is surprised to find herself falling for a local innkeeper who is also a single father as she receives a lesson in the true meaning of Christmas.
Christmas on Honeysuckle LaneTomorrow, 6:00 AM / HALLMV 84When a woman returns to her hometown in order to celebrate the holidays for the last time in the home she grew up in, she discovers a hidden surprise in her mother's antique desk which teaches her the true meaning of Christmas.
What's Happening!! - ChristmasTomorrow, 6:00 AM / TVONE 146Raj and Dee plan to have Christmas dinner at Bill's place because Mama has to work and cannot celebrate with everyone, but she may actually wind up being alone for the holiday when her plans suddenly change at the last minute.
It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas MovieTomorrow, 7:00 AM / FAM-E 52Kermit the Frog and the Muppets have to scramble to raise money to save the Muppet Theater when the bank owner who holds their mortgage wants to transform the building into a casino, and they receive assistance from an angel.
The Andy Griffith Show - The Christmas StoryTomorrow, 7:00 AM / SUN 89Andy empties the Mayberry jail in a gesture of goodwill for Christmas, unaware that the spiteful designs of Ben Weaver threaten to eclipse the festivities of the season unless Andy can find a way to impart some holiday cheer to the cranky codger.
Disney Mickey Mouse - Duck the Halls: A Mickey Mouse ChristmasTomorrow, 7:00 AM / DISNEYXD 122Donald Duck gets himself into a peculiar situation when he decides to stay with Mickey and the gang to celebrate Christmas festivities with them instead of traveling south for the winter alongside Daisy and the other ducks.
A Christmas Winter SongTomorrow, 8:00 AM / LIF-E 38A musical bond forms between a Christmas shop owner and a former jazz singer who has hit rock bottom as the store owner tries to help the artist reconnect with his daughter and grandchildren in time for the towns annual holiday concert.
CMT Christmas MusicTomorrow, 8:00 AM / CMTV 45/ NewA selection of Christmas-themed music videos is presented from some of the industry's most popular artists, including rising stars and music icons.
On the Twelfth Day of ChristmasTomorrow, 8:00 AM / HALMRK 68A woman is delighted when a man for whom she has long held feelings moves to town, and his lack of holiday spirit motivates her to come up with 12 Christmas gifts that offer tasks she hopes will inspire him to rediscover his passion.
Operation ChristmasTomorrow, 8:00 AM / HALLMV 84After her military officer boyfriend is forced to deploy right before Christmas, a single mother and her children are inspired by their own difficulties to help other families of military members, with their efforts going viral.
...continued in part 2

Visit the website: https://www.gregfortulsa.com
Donate here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/greg-robinson-for-tulsa-mayor-1#

The son of an activist and an accountant, Greg Robinson, II attacks injustice with passion and precision. Like his late father (Greg Robinson, Sr.), Greg is unafraid to speak up for the oppressed and underserved. However, it is his mother (Debra Kawee Goff Robinson) whose strength and selflessness, despite her physical limitations, inspire Greg’s work the most.
A proud Tulsa native, Greg is a graduate of Booker T. Washington High School where relationships with teachers and mentors like Dr. Anthony Marshall, pushed him to cultivate his capacity to create change. At Booker T., Greg assisted in founding The Men Of Power Organization, a student-led, male enrichment program that today operates across Tulsa Public Schools.
Greg’s educational journey as a young Tulsan also includes Eisenhower International School (Tulsa, OK), La Escuela Apostólica (San Luis Potosí, Mexico), and Monte Casino Middle School (Tulsa, OK).
In 2013, Greg earned a Bachelor of Science in History from The University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff (UAPB). While at UAPB, under the tutelage of the Director of Student Involvement, Michael Washington, Greg worked to increase access to cultural and intellectual enrichment opportunities through leadership in the Student Government Association and the Gamma Sigma Chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. With Mr. Washington as a mentor, Greg and a group of like-minded friends founded The Black Male Achievers (BMA). BMA’s mission is to “Transcend the stereotypes of African-American males by promoting achievement at 212 degrees”. Greg served as the organization’s first President from 2009 to 2010, during which BMA was honored as the “Campus Organization of the Year”.
Greg’s time at UAPB was interrupted when he was hired as an Organizer for President Obama’s 2012 Presidential re-election campaign. After cutting his teeth in High Point, NC for Obama 2012, Greg sharpened his organization and community building skills working as an Organizer across the country at local, state, and national levels. Most recently Greg spent the 2016 election cycle managing hundreds of staff and leading campaigns in Davenport, IA, Montgomery, AL, St. Louis, MI, Oklahoma, and Florida during Hillary Clinton’s historic presidential bid.
Following the killing of Terence Crutcher, Greg could no longer justify fighting injustice across the country while his hometown struggled to rid itself of the problematic mindsets that continue to create generational trauma and distrust among Tulsans.
Upon his return home in 2016, Greg joined Met Cares Foundation (Met Cares, MCF) as a founding staff member, serving as Director of Family and Community Ownership. Met Cares’ mission is to transform the social and academic outcomes of North Tulsa’s families. In 2017, Greg worked alongside Founding Principal Kojo Asamoa-Caesar to open Met Cares’ first school, Greenwood Leadership Academy (GLA) - a neighborhood elementary school in partnership with Tulsa Public Schools.
Guided by the words of civil rights organizer Ella Baker, “Strong people, don’t need strong leaders”, Greg crafted the Met Cares civic engagement approach by building and overseeing a nearly million-dollar grassroots organizing strategy from the ground up. Out of this effort, Greg launched the Parent & Community Action Team (PCAT) and Resilience University to train other dedicated Tulsans on how to interpret data, hold community listening sessions, research solutions and interact with public officials to address critical issues facing Tulsa.
In addition to his work with MCF, Greg is a committed volunteer and mentor at Tulsa McLain High School and currently serves as lead organizer for Demanding a Just Tulsa. Greg also serves as a board member for several organizations in Tulsa, OK including: A Way Home For Tulsa, The Historic Greenwood District Main Street Program, The Terence Crutcher Foundation, The Greater Tulsa African-American Affairs Commission, The 1921 Race Massacre Mass Graves Commission and Black Wall Street Chamber of Commerce.
Greg is supported by his amazing wife-to-be (June 2021) Ms. Katelyn Kramer. Katelyn is an immensely passionate and caring educator, serving in various instructional roles within Tulsa schools since 2014. Standing on the shoulders of an amazing family and support network, Greg is an unrelenting warrior in the battle for freedom, justice, equity, and safety for all Tulsans.

2006 (Year 1 in Riordanverse)
May [TLT Begins]
• Unspecified date (probably early or mid-May) - 6th grade field trip, Mrs. Dodds
• Near end of May - finishes the school year
• 26th - Percy arrives home; he and his mom go to Montauk; Minotaur attack; Percy passes out
• 27th&28th - unconscious
• 29th - wakes up; meets Annabeth; gets a tour of camp and introduced to Hermes cabin
• 30th&31st - gets used to camp
~~~~~
June
• 1st - first sword lesson with Luke
• 2nd - capture the flag; Percy gets claimed
• 3rd - moved into cabin 3
• 4th-10th - unspecified / Percy gets used to camp (dates stated thus far don’t really matter and depend on if you take Rick’s words “the next few days” as like a day and a half or almost a week)
• 11th - Percy spoke with the oracle; TLT prophecy; Percy, Annabeth, and Grover leave for the quest; attacked by Kindly Ones in the evening; nighttime = Medusa
• 12th - found and returned the pink poodle; got on a train to Denver
• 13th - make a stop in St. Louis; Arch and Chimera; return to the train
• 14th - Denver; evening = dinner with Ares; Thrill Ride of Love; nighttime = truck ride to Vegas
• 15th-20th - arrive in Vegas; Lotus Hotel and Casino
• 20th - escape Casino; taxi to Santa Monica; Nereid gives 3 pearls; near midnight = Crusty’s Waterbeds; enter Underworld
• 21st - early morning = escape Underworld; Percy fights Ares; returns the bolt to Olympus; Percy stops by home and gives “gift” to Sally; Percy returns to CHB
• 28th - Percy gets a letter from Sally saying Gabe “disappeared”
~~~~~
July
• 4th - fireworks show; Grover says goodbye and leaves in search for Pan
• 12th - Annabeth turns 13 (not stated in the book)
~~~~~
August
• {Day after last day of summer session} - Percy finds out the truth about Luke & almost dies/gets knocked unconscious; wakes up at dusk and sees Annabeth off; Percy decides to spend the school year (7th grade) at home [TLT ENDS] {it is my assumption that the last day of CHB Summer Session would be on a Friday - kinda makes sense - so that would put the day after on a Saturday, so this day is either on August 5th or August 12th based on that assumption}
• 18th - Percy turns 13 (not stated in the book)
• {at some point} - Percy starts 7th grade
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TLT Prophecy
You shall go west, and face the god who has turned,
You shall find what was stolen, and see it safely returned,
You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend,
And you shall fail to save what matters most, in the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~The Sea Of Monsters Timeline~
~The Titan's Curse Timeline~
~The Battle of the Labyrinth Timeline~
~Percy Jackson and the Sword of Hades (Short Story) Timeline/Summary~
~Percy Jackson and the Bronze Dragon (Short Story) Timeline/Summary~
~The Last Olympian Timeline~
~HOO Timelines (links to TLH)~

TL;DR: Man with too much time on his hands goes deep down the rabbit hole on a concept this sub already didn’t seem that enthusiastic about. If you really want to skip ahead, CTRL+F “verdict” and it’ll get you there.
Two days ago, u/MrPhillyj2wns made a post asking whether USL should launch a D1 league in order to compete in Concacaf. From the top voted replies, it appears this made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
But I’ve been at home for eight weeks and I am terribly, terribly bored.
So, I present to you this overview of what the USL pyramid might look like if Jake Edwards got a head of steam and attempted to establish a USSF-sanctioned first division. This is by no means an endorsement of such a proposal or even a suggestion that USL SHOULD do such a thing. It is merely an examination of whether they COULD.
Welcome to the ~~Thunderdome~~ USL Premiership
First, there are some base-level assumptions we must make in this exercise, because it makes me feel more scientific and not like a guy who wrote this on Sunday while watching the Belarusian Premier League (Go BATE Borisov!).

All D1 teams must comply with known USSF requirements for D1 leagues (more on that later).
MLS, not liking this move, will immediately remove all directly-owned affiliate clubs from the USL structure (this does not include hybrid ownerships, like San Antonio FC – NYCFC). This removes all MLS2 teams but will not affect Colorado Springs, Reno, RGVFC and San Antonio.
The USL will attempt to maintain both the USL Championship and USL League One, with an eventual mind toward creating the pro/rel paradise that is promised in Relegations 3:16.
All of my research regarding facility size and ownership net worth is correct – this is probably the biggest leap of faith we have to make, since googling “NAME net worth” and “CITY richest people” doesn’t seem guaranteed to return accurate results.
The most a club can increase its available seating capacity to meet D1 requirements in a current stadium is no more than 1,500 seats (10% of the required 15,000). If they need to add more, they’ll need a new facility.
Let’s pretend that people are VERY willing to sell. It’s commonly acknowledged that the USL is a more financially feasible route to owning a soccer club than in MLS (c.f. MLS-Charlotte’s reported $325 million expansion fee) and the USSF has some very strict requirements for D1 sanctioning. It becomes pretty apparent when googling a lot of team’s owners that this requirement isn’t met, so let’s assume everyone that can’t sells to people who meet the requirements.

(Known) USSF D1 league requirements:
- League must have 12 teams to apply and 14 teams by year three
- Majority owner must have a net worth of $40 million, and the ownership group must have a total net worth of $70 million. The value of an owned stadium is not considered when calculating this value.
- Must have teams located in the Eastern, Central and Pacific time zones
- 75% of league’s teams must be based in markets with at a metro population of at least 1 million people.
- All league stadiums must have a capacity of at least 15,000
The ideal club candidate for the USL Premiership will meet the population and capacity requirements in its current ground, which will have a grass playing surface. Of the USL Championship’s 27 independent/hybrid affiliate clubs, I did not find one club that meets all these criteria as they currently stand.
Regarding turf fields, the USSF does not have a formal policy regarding the ideal playing surface but it is generally acknowledged that grass is superior to turf. 6 of 26 MLS stadiums utilize turf, or roughly 23% of stadiums. We’ll hold a similar restriction for our top flight, so 2-3 of our top flight clubs can have turf fields. Seem fair?
Capacity is going to be the biggest issue, since the disparity between current requirements for the second-tier (5,000) and the first tier (15,000) is a pretty massive gap. Nice club you have there, triple your capacity and you’re onto something. As a result, I have taken the liberty of relocating certain (read: nearly all) clubs to new grounds, trying my utmost to keep those clubs in their current markets and –importantly--, ensure they play on grass surfaces.
So, let’s do a case-by-case evaluation and see if we can put together 12-14 teams that meet the potential requirements, because what else do you have to do?
For each club’s breakdown, anything that represents a chance from what is currently true will be underlined.
Candidate: Birmingham Legion FC
Location (Metro population): Birmingham, Ala. (1,151,801)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Legion Field (FieldTurf, 71,594)
Potential owner: Stephens Family (reported net worth $4 billion)
Notes: Birmingham has a pretty strong candidacy. Having ditched the 5,000-seater BBVA Field for Legion Field, which sits 2.4 miles away, they’ve tapped into the city’s soccer history. Legion Field hosted portions of both the men’s and women’s tournaments at the 1996 Olympics, including a 3-1 U.S. loss to Argentina that saw 83,183 pack the house. The Harbert family seemed like strong ownership contenders, but since the death of matriarch Marguerite Harbert in 2015, it’s unclear where the wealth in the family is concentrated, so the Stephens seem like a better candidate. The only real knock that I can think of is that we really want to avoid having clubs play on turf, so I’d say they’re on the bubble of our platonic ideal USL Prem.
Candidate: Charleston Battery
Location (Metro population): Charleston, S.C. (713,000)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Johnson Hagood Stadium (Grass, ~14,700)
Potential owner: Anita Zucker (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: Charleston’s candidacy isn’t looking great. Already disadvantaged due to its undersized metro population, a move across the Cooper River to Johnson Hagood Stadium is cutting it close in terms of capacity. The stadium, home to The Citadel’s football team, used to seat 21,000, before 9,300 seats on the eastern grandstand were torn down in 2017 to deal with lead paint that had been used in their construction. Renovation plans include adding 3,000 seats back in, which could hit 15,000 if they bumped it to 3,300, but throw in a required sale by HCFC, LLC (led by content-creation platform founder Rob Salvatore) to chemical magnate Anita Zucker, and you’ll see there’s a lot of ifs and ands in this proposal.
Candidate: Charlotte Independence
Location (Metro population): Charlotte, N.C. (2,569, 213)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Jerry Richardson Stadium (Turf, 15,314)
Potential owner: James Goodnight (reported net worth $9.1 billion)
Notes: Charlotte ticks a lot of the boxes. A move from the Sportsplex at Matthews to UNC-Charlotte’s Jerry Richardson stadium meets capacity requirements, but puts them on to the dreaded turf. Regrettably, nearby American Legion Memorial Stadium only seats 10,500, despite a grass playing surface. With a sizeable metro population (sixth-largest in the USL Championship) and a possible owner in software billionaire James Goodnight, you’ve got some options here. The biggest problem likely lies in direct competition for market share against a much better-funded MLS Charlotte side due to join the league in 2021.
Candidate: Hartford Athletic
Location (Metro population): Hartford, Conn. (1,214,295)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Pratt & Whitney Stadium (Grass, 38,066)
Potential owner: Ray Dalio (reported net worth $18.4 billion)
Notes: Okay, I cheated a bit here, having to relocate Hartford to Pratt & Whitney Stadium, which is technically in East Hartford, Conn. I don’t know enough about the area to know if there’s some kind of massive beef between the two cities, but the club has history there, having played seven games in 2019 while Dillon Stadium underwent renovations. If the group of local businessmen that currently own the club manage to attract Dalio to the table, we’re on to something.
Candidate: Indy Eleven
Location (Metro population): Indianapolis, Ind. (2,048,703)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Lucas Oil Stadium (Turf, 62,421)
Potential owner: Jim Irsay (reported net worth of $3 billion)
Notes: Indy Eleven are a club that are SO CLOSE to being an ideal candidate – if it weren’t for Lucas Oil Stadium’s turf playing surface. Still, there’s a lot to like in this bid. I’m not going to lie, I have no idea what current owner and founder Ersal Ozdemir is worth, but it seems like there might be cause for concern. A sale to Irsay, who also owns the NFL Indianapolis (nee Baltimore) Colts, seems likely to keep the franchise there, rather than make a half-mile move to 14,230 capacity Victory Field where the AAA Indianapolis Indians play and expand from there.
Candidate: Louisville City FC
Location (Metro population): Louisville, Ky. (1,297,310)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Lynn Family Stadium (Grass, 14,000, possibly expandable to 20,000)
Potential owner: Wayne Hughes (reported net worth $2.8 billion)
Notes: I’m stretching things a bit here. Lynn Family stadium is currently listed as having 11,700 capacity that’s expandable to 14,000, but they’ve said that the ground could hold as many as 20,000 with additional construction, which might be enough to grant them a temporary waiver from USSF. If the stadium is a no-go, then there’s always Cardinal Stadium, home to the University of Louisville’s football team, which seats 65,000 but is turf. Either way, it seems like a sale to someone like Public Storage founder Wayne Hughes will be necessary to ensure the club has enough capital.
Candidate: Memphis 901 FC
Location (Metro population): Memphis, Tenn. (1,348,260)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Liberty Bowl Stadium (Turf, 58,325)
Potential owner: Fred Smith (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: Unfortunately for Memphis, AutoZone Park’s 10,000 seats won’t cut it at the D1 level. With its urban location, it would likely prove tough to renovate, as well. Liberty Bowl Stadium more than meets the need, but will involve the use of the dreaded turf. As far as an owner goes, FedEx founder Fred Smith seems like a good local option.
Candidate: Miami FC, “The”
Location (Metro population): Miami, Fla. (6,158,824)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Riccardo Silva Stadium (FieldTurf, 20,000)
Potential owner: Riccardo Silva (reported net worth $1 billion)
Notes: Well, well, well, Silva might get his wish for top-flight soccer, after all. He’s got the money, he’s got the metro, and his ground has the capacity. There is the nagging issue of the turf, though. Hard Rock Stadium might present a solution, including a capacity of 64,767 and a grass playing surface. It is worth noting, however, that this is the first profile where I didn’t have to find a new potential owner for a club.
Candidate: North Carolina FC
Location (Metro population): Durham, N.C. (1,214,516 in The Triangle)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Carter-Finley Stadium (Grass/Turf, 57,583)
Potential owner: Steve Malik (precise net worth unknown) / Dennis Gillings (reported net worth of $1.7 billion)
Notes: We have our first “relocation” in North Carolina FC, who were forced to trade Cary’s 10,000-seat WakeMed Soccer Park for Carter-Finley Stadium in Durham, home of the NC State Wolfpack and 57,583 of their closest friends. The move is a whopping 3.1 miles, thanks to the close-knit hub that exists between Cary, Durham and Raleigh. Carter-Finley might be my favorite of the stadium moves in this exercise. The field is grass, but the sidelines are artificial turf. Weird, right? Either way, it was good enough for Juventus to play a friendly against Chivas de Guadalajara there in 2011. Maybe the move would be pushed for by new owner and medical magnate Dennis Gillings, whose British roots might inspire him to get involved in the Beautiful Game. Straight up, though, I couldn’t find a net worth for current owner Steve Malik, though he did sell his company MedFusion for $91 million in 2010, then bought it back for an undisclosed amount and sold it again for $43 million last November. I don’t know if Malik has the juice to meet D1 requirements, but I suspect he’s close.
Candidate: Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC
Location (Metro population): Pittsburgh, Penn. (2,362,453)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Heinz Field (Grass, 64,450)
Potential owner: Henry Hillman (reported net worth $2.5 billion)
Notes: I don’t know a ton about the Riverhounds, but this move in particular feels like depriving a pretty blue-collar club from its roots. Highmark Stadium is a no-go from a seating perspective, but the Steelers’ home stadium at Heinz Field would more than meet the requirements and have a grass surface that was large enough to be sanctioned for a FIFA friendly between the U.S. WNT and Costa Rica in 2015. As for an owner, Tuffy Shallenberger (first ballot owner name HOF) doesn’t seem to fit the USSF bill, but legendary Pittsburgh industrialist Henry Hillman might. I’m sure you’re asking, why not the Rooney Family, if they’ll play at Heinz Field? I’ll tell you: I honestly can’t seem to pin down a value for the family. The Steelers are valued at a little over a billion and rumors persist that Dan Rooney is worth $500 million, but I’m not sure. I guess the Rooneys would work too, but it’s a definite departure from an owner in Shallenberger who was described by one journalist as a guy who “wears boots, jeans, a sweater and a trucker hat.”
Candidate: Saint Louis FC
Location (Metro population): St. Louis, Mo. (2,807,338)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Busch Stadium (Grass, 45,494)
Potential owner: William DeWitt Jr. (reported net worth $4 billion)
Notes: Saint Louis has some weirdness in making the jump to D1. Current CEO Jim Kavanaugh is an owner of the MLS side that will begin play in 2022. The club’s current ground at West Community Stadium isn’t big enough, but perhaps a timely sale to Cardinals owner William DeWitt Jr. could see the club playing games at Busch Stadium, which has a well established history of hosting other sports like hockey, college football and soccer (most recently a U.S. WNT friendly against New Zealand in 2019). The competition with another MLS franchise wouldn’t be ideal, like Charlotte, but with a big enough population and cross marketing from the Cardinals, maybe there’s a winner here. Wacko idea: If Busch doesn’t pan out, send them to The Dome. Sure, it’s a 60k turf closed-in stadium, but we can go for that retro NASL feel and pay homage to our nation’s soccer history.
Candidate: Tampa Bay Rowdies
Location (Metro population): Tampa, Fla. (3,068,511)
Time zone: Eastern
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Raymond James Stadium (Grass, 65,518)
Potential owner: Edward DeBartolo Jr. (reported net worth $3 billion)
Notes: This one makes me sad. Despite having never been there, I see Al Lang Stadium as an iconic part of the Rowdies experience. Current owner Bill Edwards proposed an expansion to 18,000 seats in 2016, but the move seems to have stalled out. Frustrated with the city’s lack of action, Edwards sells to one-time San Francisco 49ers owner Edward DeBartolo Jr., who uses his old NFL connections to secure a cushy lease at the home of the Buccaneers in Ray Jay, the site of a 3-1 thrashing of Antigua and Barbuda during the United States’ 2014 World Cup Qualifying campaign.
Breather. Hey, we finished the Eastern Conference teams. Why are you still reading this? Why am I still writing it? Time is a meaningless construct in 2020 my friends, we are adrift in the void, fueled only by brief flashes of what once was and what may yet still be.
Candidate: Austin Bold FC
Location (Metro population): Austin, Texas (2,168,316)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Darrel K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium (FieldTurf, 95,594)
Potential owner: Michael Dell (reported net worth of $32.3 billion)
Notes: Anthony Precourt’s Austin FC has some unexpected competition and it comes in the form of tech magnate Michael Dell. Dell, were he to buy the club, would be one of the richest owners on our list and could flash his cash in the new first division. Would he have enough to convince Darrel K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium (I’m not kidding, that’s its actual name) to go back to a grass surface, like it did from ’96-’08? That’s between Dell and nearly 100,000 UT football fans, but everything can be had for the right price.
Candidate: Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC
Location (Metro population): Colorado Springs, Colo. (738,939)
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Falcon Stadium (FieldTurf, 46,692)
Potential owner: Charles Ergen (reported net worth $10.8 billion)
Notes: Welcome to Colorado Springs. We have hurdles. For the first time in 12 candidates, we’re back below the desired 1 million metro population mark. Colorado Springs actually plans to build a $35 million, 8,000 seat venue downtown that will be perfect for soccer, but in our timeline that’s 7,000 seats short. Enter Falcon Stadium, home of the Air Force Academy Falcons football team. Seems perfect except for the turf, right? Well, the tricky thing is that Falcon Stadium is technically on an active military base and is (I believe) government property. Challenges to getting in and out of the ground aside, the military tends to have a pretty grim view of government property being used by for-profit enterprises. Maybe Charles Ergen, founder and chairman of Dish Network, would be able to grease the right wheels, but you can go ahead and throw this into the “doubtful” category. It’s a shame, too. 6,035 feet of elevation is one hell of a home-field advantage.
Candidate: El Paso Locomotive FC
Location: El Paso, Texas
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Sun Bowl (FieldTurf, 51,500)
Potential owner: Paul Foster (reported net worth $1.7 billion)
Notes: God bless Texas. When compiling this list, I found so many of the theoretical stadium replacements were nearly serviceable by high school football fields. That’s insane, right? Anyway, Locomotive don’t have to settle for one of those, they’ve got the Sun Bowl, which had its capacity reduced in 2001 to a paltry 51,500 (from 52,000) specifically to accommodate soccer. Sure, it’s a turf surface, but what does new owner Paul Foster (who is only the 1,477th wealthiest man in the world, per Forbes) care, he’s got a team in a top league. Side note: Did you know that the Sun Bowl college football game is officially, through sponsorship, the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl? Why is it not the Frosted Flakes Sun Bowl? Why is the cereal mascot the promotional name of the football game? What are you doing, Kellogg’s?
Candidate: Las Vegas Lights FC
Location: Las Vegas, Nev. (2,227,053)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Allegiant Stadium (Grass, 61,000)
Potential owner: Sheldon Adelson (reported net worth $37.7 billion)
Notes: Sin City. You had to know that the club that once signed Freddy Adu because “why not” was going to go all out in our flashy hypothetical proposal. Thanks to my narrative control of this whole thing, they have. Adelson is the second-richest owner in the league and has decided to do everything first class. That includes using the new Raiders stadium in nearby unincorporated Paradise, Nevada, and spending boatloads on high profile transfers. Zlatan is coming back to the U.S., confirmed.
Candidate: New Mexico United
Location: Albuquerque, N.M.
Time zone: Mountain
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Isotopes Park – officially Rio Grande Credit Union Field at Isotopes Park (Grass, 13,500 – 15,000 with expansion)
Potential owner: Maloof Family (reported net worth $1 billion)
Notes: New Mexico from its inception went deep on the community vibe, and I’ve tried to replicate that in this bid. The home field of Rio Grande Cr---I’m not typing out the whole thing—Isotopes Park falls just within the expansion rules we set to make it to 15,000 (weird, right?) and they’ve found a great local ownership group in the Lebanese-American Maloof (formerly Maalouf) family from Las Vegas. The only thing to worry about would be the metro population, but overall, this could be one of the gems of USL Prem.
Candidate: Oklahoma City Energy FC
Location: Oklahoma City, Okla. (1,396,445)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark (Grass, 13,066)
Potential owner: Harold Hamm (reported net worth $14.2 billion)
Notes: There’s a bright golden haze on the meadow and it says it’s time to change stadiums and owners to make it to D1. A sale to oil magnate Harold Hamm would give the club the finances it needs, but Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark (home of the OKC Dodgers) actually falls outside of the boundary of what would meet capacity if 1,500 seats were added. Could the club pull off a move to Gaylord Family Oklahoma Memorial Stadium in Norman, Oklahoma – home of the Oklahoma Sooners? Maybe, but at 20 miles, this would be a reach.
Candidate: Orange County SC
Location: Irvine, Calif. (3,176, 000 in Orange County)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Angels Stadium of Anaheim (Grass, 43,250)
Potential owner: Arte Moreno (reported net worth $3.3 billion)
Notes: You’ll never convince me that Rangers didn’t choose to partner with Orange County based primarily on its name. Either way, a sale to MLB Angels owner Arte Moreno produces a fruitful partnership, with the owner choosing to play his newest club out of the existing Angels stadium in OC. Another baseball conversion, sure, but with a metro population of over 3 million and the closest thing this hypothetical league has to an LA market, who’s complaining?
Candidate: Phoenix Rising FC
Location: Phoenix, Ariz. (4,857,962)
Time zone: Arizona
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): State Farm Stadium (Grass, 63,400)
Potential owner: Ernest Garcia II (reported net worth $5.7 billion)
Notes: We’re keeping it local with new owner and used car guru Ernest Garcia II. His dad owned a liquor store and he dropped out of college, which is making me feel amazing about my life choices right now. Casino Arizona Field is great, but State Farm Stadium is a grass surface that hosted the 2019 Gold Cup semifinal, so it’s a clear winner. Throw in Phoenix’s massive metro population and this one looks like a lock.
Candidate: Reno 1868 FC
Location: Reno, Nev. (425,417)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Mackay Stadium (FieldTurf, 30,000)
Potential owner: Nancy Walton Laurie (reported net worth $7.1 billion)
Notes: The Biggest Little City on Earth has some serious barriers to overcome, thanks to its low metro population. A sale to Walmart heiress Nancy Walton Laurie and 1.6 mile-move to Mackay Stadium to split space with the University of Nevada, Reno makes this bid competitive, but the turf surface is another knock against it.
Candidate: Rio Grande Valley FC
Location: Edinburg, Texas (900,304)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): McAllen Memorial Stadium (FieldTurf, 13,500 – 15,000 with expansion)
Potential owner: Alice Louise Walton (reported net worth $45 billion)
Notes: Yes, I have a second straight Walmart heiress on the list. She was the first thing that popped up when I googled “McAllen Texas richest people.” The family rivalry has spurred Walton to buy a club as well, moving them 10 miles to McAllen Memorial Stadium which, as I alluded to earlier, is a straight up high school football stadium with a full color scoreboard. Toss in an additional 1,500 seats and you’ve met the minimum, despite the turf playing surface.
Candidate: San Antonio FC
Location: San Antonio, Texas (2,550,960)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Alamodome (FieldTurf, 64,000)
Potential owner: Red McCombs (reported net worth $1.6 billion)
Notes: I wanted to keep SAFC in the Spurs family, since the franchise is valued at $1.8 billion. That said, I didn’t let the Rooneys own the Riverhounds based on the Steelers’ value and it felt wrong to change the rules, so bring on Clear Channel co-founder Red McCombs. Toyota Field isn’t viable in the first division, but for the Alamodome, which was built in 1993 in hopes of attracting an NFL franchise (and never did), San Antonio can finally claim having *a* national football league team in its town (contingent on your definition of football). Now if only we could do something about that turf…
Candidate: San Diego Loyal SC
Location: San Diego, Calif. (3,317,749)
Time zone: Pacific
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): SDCCU Stadium (formerly Qualcomm) (Grass, 70,561)
Potential owner: Phil Mickelson (reported net worth $91 million)
Notes: Yes, golf’s Phil Mickelson. The existing ownership group didn’t seem to have the wherewithal to meet requirements, and Phil seemed to slot right in. As an athlete himself, he might be interesting in the new challenges of a top flight soccer team. Toss in a move to the former home of the chargers and you might have a basis for tremendous community support.
Candidate: FC Tulsa
Location: Tulsa, Okla. (991,561)
Time zone: Central
Stadium (playing surface, capacity): Skelly Field at H.A. Chapman Stadium (FieldTurf, 30,000)
Potential owner: George Kaiser ($10 billion)
Notes: I’m a fan of FC Tulsa’s rebrand, but if they want to make the first division, more changes are necessary. A sale to Tulsa native and one of the 100 richest men in the world George Kaiser means that funding is guaranteed. A move to Chapman Stadium would provide the necessary seats, despite the turf field. While the undersize population might be an issue at first glance, it’s hard to imagine U.S. Soccer not granting a waiver over a less than a 10k miss from the mark.
And that’s it! You made it. Those are all of the independent/hybrid affiliates in the USL Championship, which means that it’s time for our…
VERDICT: As an expert who has studied this issue for almost an entire day now, I am prepared to pronounce which USL Championships could be most ‘ready” for a jump to the USL Prem. A reminder that of the 27 clubs surveyed, 0 of them met our ideal criteria (proper ownership $, metro population, 15,000+ stadium with grass field).
Two of them, however, met almost all of those criteria: Indy Eleven and Miami FC. Those two clubs may use up two of our three available turf fields right from the outset, but the other factors they hit (particularly Silva’s ownership of Miami) makes them difficult, if not impossible to ignore for the top flight.
But who fill in the rest of the slots? Meet the entire 14-team USL Premier League:
Hartford Athletic
Indy Eleven
Louisville City FC
Miami FC
North Carolina FC
Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC
Tampa Bay Rowdies
Saint Louis FC
San Antonio FC
New Mexico United
Phoenix Rising FC
Las Vegas Lights FC
Orange County SC
San Diego Loyal SC
Now, I shall provide my expert rationale for each club’s inclusion/exclusion, which can be roughly broken down into four categories.
Firm “yes”
Hartford Athletic: It’s a good market size with a solid stadium. With a decent investor and good community support, you’ve got potential here.
Indy Eleven: The turf at Lucas Oil Stadium is no reason to turn down a 62,421 venue and a metro population of over 2 million.
Louisville City FC: Why doesn’t the 2017 & 2018 USL Cup champion deserve a crack at the top flight? They have the market size, and with a bit of expansion have the stadium at their own SSS. LCFC, you’re in.
Miami FC, “The”: Our other blue-chip recruit on the basis of ownership value, market size and stadium capacity. Yes, that field is turf, but how could you snub Silva’s chance to claim victory as the first division 1 club soccer team to play in Miami?
Pittsburgh Riverhounds SC: Pittsburgh sacrificed a lot to be here (according to my arbitrary calculations). Their market size and the potential boon of soccer at Heinz Field is an important inclusion to the league.
Saint Louis FC: Willie hears your “Busch League” jokes, Willie don’t care. A huge market size, combined with the absence of an NFL franchise creates opportunity. Competition with the MLS side, sure, but St. Louis has serious soccer history and we’re willing to bet it can support two clubs.
Tampa Bay Rowdies: With a huge population and a massive stadium waiting nearby, Tampa Bay seems like too good of an opportunity to pass up for the USL Prem.
Las Vegas Lights FC: Ostentatious, massive and well-financed, Las Vegas Lights FC is everything that the USL Premier League would need to assert that it didn’t intend to play second fiddle to MLS. Players will need to be kept on a short leash, but this is a hard market to pass up on.
Phoenix Rising FC: Huge population, big grass field available nearby and a solid history of success in recent years. No brainer.
San Diego Loyal SC: New club? Yes, massive population in a market that recently lost an absolutely huge sports presence? Also yes. This could be the USL Prem’s Seattle.
Cautious “yes”
New Mexico United: You have to take a chance on New Mexico United. The club set the league on fire with its social media presence and its weight in the community when it entered the league last season. The market may be slightly under USSF’s desired 1 million, but fervent support (and the ability to continue to use Isotopes Park) shouldn’t be discounted.
North Carolina FC: Carter-Finley’s mixed grass/turf surface is a barrier, to be sure, but the 57,000+ seats it offers (and being enough to offset other fully-turf offerings) is enough to put it in the black.
Orange County SC: It’s a top-tier club playing in a MLB stadium. I know it seems unlikely that USSF would approve something like that, but believe me when I say “it could happen.” Orange County is a massive market and California likely needs two clubs in the top flight.
San Antonio FC: Our third and only voluntary inclusion to the turf fields in the first division, we’re counting on San Antonio’s size and massive potential stadium to see it through.
Cautious “no”
Birmingham Legion FC: The town has solid soccer history and a huge potential venue, but the turf playing surface puts it on the outside looking in.
Memphis 901 FC: Like Birmingham, not much to dislike here outside of the turf playing surface at the larger playing venue.
Austin Bold FC: See the other two above.
FC Tulsa: Everything’s just a little bit off with this one. Market’s slightly too small, stadium has turf. Just not enough to put it over the top.
Firm “no”
Charleston Battery: Small metro and a small potential new stadium? It’s tough to say yes to the risk.
Charlotte Independence: A small new stadium and the possibility of having to compete with an organization that just paid over $300 million to join MLS means it’s best for this club to remain in the USL Championship.
Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC: When a club’s best chance to meet a capacity requirement is to host games at a venue controlled by the military, that doesn’t speak well to a club’s chances.
El Paso Locomotive FC: An undersized market and a turf field that meets capacity requirements is the death knell for this one.
Oklahoma City Energy FC: Having to expand a baseball field to meet requirements is a bad start. Having to potentially play 20 miles away from your main market is even worse.
Reno 1868 FC: Population nearly a half-million short of the federation’s requirements AND a turf field at the hypothetical new stadium makes impossible to say yes to this bid.
Rio Grande Valley FC: All the seat expansions in the world can’t hide the fact that McAllen Memorial Stadium is a high school stadium through and through.
Here’s who’s left in the 11-team Championship:
Birmingham Legion FC
Charleston Battery
Charlotte Independence
Memphis 901 FC
Austin Bold FC
Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC
El Paso Locomotive FC
Oklahoma City Energy FC
Reno 1868 FC
Rio Grande Valley FC
FC Tulsa
With MLS folding the six affiliates it has in USL League One, the league is a little bit thin (especially considering USSF’s requirements for 8 teams for lower level leagues), but seems definitely able to expand up to the necessary numbers with Edwards’ allusions to five new additions this year:
Chattanooga Red Wolves SC
Forward Madison FC
Greenville Triumph SC
Union Omaha
Richmond Kickers
South Georgia Tormenta
FC Tucson
Format of Assorted Leagues – This (like everything in this post) is pure conjecture on my part, but here are my thoughts on how these leagues might function in a first year while waiting for additional expansion.
USL Premier – We’ll steal from the 12-team Scottish Premiership. Each club plays the other 11 clubs 3 times, with either one or two home matches against each side. When each club has played 33 matches, the top six and bottom six separate, with every club playing an additional five matches (against each other team in its group). The top club wins the league. The bottom club is automatically relegated. The second-bottom club will enter a two-legged playoff against someone (see below) from the championship playoffs.
USL Championship -- 11 clubs is a challenge to schedule for. How about every club plays everyone else three times (either one or two home matches against each side)? Top four clubs make the playoffs, which are decided by two-legged playoffs. The winner automatically goes up. I need feedback on the second part – is it better to have the runner-up from the playoffs face the second-bottom club from the Premiership, or should the winner of the third-place match-up get the chance to face them to keep drama going in both playoff series? As for relegation, we can clearly only send down the last place club while the third division is so small.
USL League One – While the league is so small, it doesn’t seem reasonable to have the clubs play as many matches as the higher divisions. Each club could play the other six clubs four times – twice at home and twice away – for a very equitable 24-match regular season, which would help restrict costs and still provide a chance to determine a clear winner. Whoever finishes top of the table goes up.
And there you have it, a hypothetical look at how the USL could build a D1 league right now. All it would take is a new stadium for almost the entire league and new owners for all but one of the 27 clubs, who wouldn’t feel that their property would be massively devalued if they got relegated.
Well that’s our show. I’m curious to see what you think of all of this, especially anything that you think I may have overlooked (I’m sure there’s plenty). Anyway, I hope you’re all staying safe and well.

Maybe not the best gambling come up ever told, but my personal best. Not dollar wise, I've cashed out way more before. It's a long read, but worth it.... Check this shit out....
I go up to buy a vintage boat in Illinois. 12 hour drive to Texas. Due to crazy weather (worst thunderstorm I have ever driven through by far) and even crazier girls, get stuck in St. Louis. Had an incredible night with and even more incredible woman on her birthday. Start heading home back to Texas.
Driving through Oklahoma it starts up again, really bad rain. Nope, not doing this again, I take the next exit. I'm in Tulsa. Exit coincidentally at the hard rock (was just gonna wait the storm out or maybe see if they would comp my room). They say no way, you don't have any players card and this ain't Vegas, you gotta do some damage to earn your free room. I'm like ok...bet....(I am a high stakes baccarat player)
So I buy in with $800, tell cashier that I'll be back shortly with $10k. Yeah......okay buddy sure....
I get wrecked, down to my last $12. Feeling shitty and mad at the rain. I proceed to turn that $12 into...well alot. Table max is $1000. My new best bud Jason from OKC was there and we started killing it. We made a deal with the pit boss that if we run them out of $500 chips they would go to cage and just out the golden $1000 chips. They said yeah ok, those chips are dusty because they never need them.
I hit max bet wins 9 separate times. Beat a natural 8 with a natural 9 (if you don't know bacc it's the hardest and most satisfying thing in the world) twice for table max bet if $1000. My buddy Jason and I followed each other rarely betting against each other. We wrecked that table bad and did what we said we would do, drained every $500 chip they had. Pit boss begrudgingly called the cage for the ultra rare $1000 chips. Said it hasn't happy in 3 years.
In 3 hours I hit my goal, cashed out at exactly $10,000. And headed to cashier. Same girl who I told her I'd be back either broke or with 10k. Slow walk, with my best ass face on. You could tell she felt bad because unlike the dealers cahiers love when people win.
I put 10 $1000 chips on the window table, and said....I don't fuck around when it comes to Baccarat. Told ya. She flipped out, couldn't believe it.
Got a casino hostess, free suite which was super nice, and a free room anytime I am in Tulsa.
Also there was this Mexican pimp who was like a degenerate one armed bandit (plays slot machines like a tool). He tried to hustle me for all his jewelry for like $2000. I gave him $250 but only if he included his heiña's turquoise ring as well (I am a fucking savage). So that's why I am all blinged out on the drive home.
And yes, for the doubters, I didn't give a dime back and drove straight home. Going to Vegas in two weekends with some girls and an even nicer free suite. Not going to gamble at all, just rent an exotic car and finally do all the cool Vegas non strip fun nature activities Ive always wanted. Lake Tahoe, Red Rock Canyon, float trip, etc.
Yes 2020 sucks but I'm tired of it brining me down. Met somebody very special and from here on out I'm dedicated. Positive vibes only!!!! 💯
Required disclaimer: I don't even like to gamble because it is super stressful for me. I only go once or twice a year. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS. Scared money don't make no money.....
Oh, big shout-out to mother nature. Without those two rainstorms I wouldn't have fallen in love or had a much needed come up. If only I could have danced with my baby I'm the rain it would have been icing on the cake.
Made it home safe to Texas with boat intact and a fat stack. Life is good!!!!
P.s. I was taught baccarat while living in Korea for 3 years. My white ass with big blonde hair and blue eyes, and for some reason Al the older Koreans would stop me in the street saying James Dean......James Dean!!!
Well I was playing in a poker tournament, this guy does the James Dean thing during a break in the tournament as I'm walking to get a quick bite if food and bathroom. It's the final table and I'm in like 3rd place with 7 players left (not too big, I think it was $300 buy in, 100 players or so) .
Anyway so he stops me and says....in his best broken English, Player ....Banker...James....James (he points at each).... Player, Banker?!?!
I'm like shit I dunno this weird Asian card game never even seen it. Banker is like the house right? House always wins, so I say and point banker....
Again with the natural 8 losing to natural 9, player loses. Bank wins. Guy shits a brick and slides me his winnings. He makes me sit down. I realize he bet 4.2 million won ( like ~4000USD) at the time. And he just gave it to me thinking I was his good luck charm. He taught me how to play (it's very very easy to learn bacc...) But more importantly taught me how to play with balls of steel which is a required learned skill in this game.
We proceed to wreck the table, I think I cashed out somewhere close to $18k and he hit like 75k. I ended up going back to tournament damn near blinded out but still in 5th place. Took third place and took home whatever $$$ that was.
Like I said I have cashed out more but my first and last times playing bacc were extremely memorable. 18k off a 4k freeroll and $800 to $12 to $10k. What do you guys think

Maybe not the best gambling come up ever told, but my personal best. Not dollar wise, I've cashed out way more before. It's a long read, but worth it.... Check this shit out....
I go up to buy a vintage boat in Illinois. 12 hour drive to Texas. Due to crazy weather (worst thunderstorm I have ever driven through by far) and even crazier girls, get stuck in St. Louis. Had an incredible night with and even more incredible woman on her birthday. Start heading home back to Texas.
Driving through Oklahoma it starts up again, really bad rain. Nope, not doing this again, I take the next exit. I'm in Tulsa. Exit coincidentally at the hard rock (was just gonna wait the storm out or maybe see if they would comp my room). They say no way, you don't have any players card and this ain't Vegas, you gotta do some damage to earn your free room. I'm like ok...bet....(I am a high stakes baccarat player)
So I buy in with $800, tell cashier that I'll be back shortly with $10k. Yeah......okay buddy sure....
I get wrecked, down to my last $12. Feeling shitty and mad at the rain. I proceed to turn that $12 into...well alot. Table max is $1000. My new best bud Jason from OKC was there and we started killing it. We made a deal with the pit boss that if we run them out of $500 chips they would go to cage and just out the golden $1000 chips. They said yeah ok, those chips are dusty because they never need them.
I hit max bet wins 9 separate times. Beat a natural 8 with a natural 9 (if you don't know bacc it's the hardest and most satisfying thing in the world) twice for table max bet if $1000. My buddy Jason and I followed each other rarely betting against each other. We wrecked that table bad and did what we said we would do, drained every $500 chip they had. Pit boss begrudgingly called the cage for the ultra rare $1000 chips. Said it hasn't happy in 3 years.
In 3 hours I hit my goal, cashed out at exactly $10,000. And headed to cashier. Same girl who I told her I'd be back either broke or with 10k. Slow walk, with my best ass face on. You could tell she felt bad because unlike the dealers cahiers love when people win.
I put 10 $1000 chips on the window table, and said....I don't fuck around when it comes to Baccarat. Told ya. She flipped out, couldn't believe it.
Got a casino hostess, free suite which was super nice, and a free room anytime I am in Tulsa.
Also there was this Mexican pimp who was like a degenerate one armed bandit (plays slot machines like a tool). He tried to hustle me for all his jewelry for like $2000. I gave him $250 but only if he included his heiña's turquoise ring as well (I am a fucking savage). So that's why I am all blinged out on the drive home.
And yes, for the doubters, I didn't give a dime back and drove straight home. Going to Vegas in two weekends with some girls and an even nicer free suite. Not going to gamble at all, just rent an exotic car and finally do all the cool Vegas non strip fun nature activities Ive always wanted. Lake Tahoe, Red Rock Canyon, float trip, etc.
Yes 2020 sucks but I'm tired of it brining me down. Met somebody very special and from here on out I'm dedicated. Positive vibes only!!!! 💯
Required disclaimer: I don't even like to gamble because it is super stressful for me. I only go once or twice a year. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS. Scared money don't make no money.....
Oh, big shout-out to mother nature. Without those two rainstorms I wouldn't have fallen in love or had a much needed come up. If only I could have danced with my baby I'm the rain it would have been icing on the cake.
Made it home safe to Texas with boat intact and a fat stack. Life is good!!!!
FIRST TIME PLAYING BACC:
I was taught baccarat while living in Korea for 3 years. My white ass with big blonde hair and blue eyes, and for some reason Al the older Koreans would stop me in the street saying James Dean......James Dean!!!
Well I was playing in a poker tournament, this guy does the James Dean thing during a break in the tournament as I'm walking to get a quick bite if food and bathroom. It's the final table and I'm in like 3rd place with 7 players left (not too big, I think it was $300 buy in, 100 players or so) .
Anyway so he stops me and says....in his best broken English, Player ....Banker...James....James (he points at each).... Player, Banker?!?!
I'm like shit I dunno this weird Asian card game never even seen it. Banker is like the house right? House always wins, so I say and point banker....
Again with the natural 8 losing to natural 9, player loses. Bank wins. Guy shits a brick and slides me his winnings. He makes me sit down. I realize he bet 4.2 million won ( like ~4000USD) at the time. And he just gave it to me thinking I was his good luck charm. He taught me how to play (it's very very easy to learn bacc...) But more importantly taught me how to play with balls of steel which is a required learned skill in this game.
We proceed to wreck the table, I think I cashed out somewhere close to $18k and he hit like 75k. I ended up going back to tournament damn near blinded out but still in 5th place. Took third place and took home whatever $$$ that was. Korea's biggest currency denomination is a 10k won bill, like $10. So I literally walked out with a paper bag filled with money, like I robbed a bank, went home and spread it all over the bed and had sex on it like I was Scrooge McDuck or Walter White or Lil Wayne. Oh to be young again.
Like I said I have cashed out more but my first and last times playing bacc were extremely memorable. 18k off a 4k freeroll and $800 to $12 to $10k. What do you guys think?
View Poll

Ticket time: 7:30 EST

Set One (8:10 - 9:32ish): ENERGY (11 min) -> WOOOOOAAAAAH WEEKAPAUG (9 min), The Moma Dance (9 min) > Lengthwise (1 min) -> Maze (10 min), Petrichor (18 min), Things People Do (3 min) > Sample in a Jar (6 min) > Bathtub Gin (17 min)

Set Two (10:21-11:45): Soul Panet (12 min) -> Wider (5 min) -> UNDERMIND (7 MIN), The Final Hurrah (9 min) > Beneath a Sea of Stars Pt. 1 (17 min), Ghost (11 min) -> WEEKAPAUG GROOVE (1 min) -> Birds of a Feather (13 min), Waste (6 min) > Golgi Apparatus (7 min)

Encore (11:46 - 12:08): AAAAAAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAFOOOOOOOOOOAM (8 min), Contact (7 min), More (7 min)

Notes:

Energy was last played 8/4/13, 226 shows ago
I'm not nearly resourceful enough to find when the last standalone Weekapaug was so let's go with a while
But u/poopfacejohnson has informed me the last standalone Weekapaug was 12/2/03...wooooow
First Foam encore, last played 7/22/17, 79 shows ago

-----------------
I'm baaaaack! Who's ready for some hot, piping, northeast, casino Phish?! It's a pleasure to be joining you all again as your guide through the first show of one of the most hyped runs of the summer! Fun fact: Tonight marks Phish's first performance at the Mohegan Sun Arena which also just squeaks past St. Louis' Chaifetz Arena as the smallest venue of the tour with a capacity of 10,000.

Let's hear some opener calls for tonight! I'm gonna be going with the ever elusive ~~Colonel Forbin's Ascent~~ GLIDE to get the show kicked off.

I'm currently studying for an exam that I have tomorrow so I am going to be in and out of the thread until show time but I'm posting early again to encourage some friendly chatting, discussion, banter, jokes etc etc etc. I really enjoyed hearing everyone's favorite jams of the tour so far in my last thread so this time...let's hear your favorite show you've attended and why. My personal favorite that I have seen would have to be 7/28/17 AKA Double Chocolate night of the Baker's Dozen. This show contained EVERYTHING that I want at a Phish show...fun and wacky covers, YUGE jams, surprise bustouts and bizarre song placements. Also, it doesn't hurt that I've never heard anything louder than the crowd reaction to that Chalkdust Torture peak. Here's an awesome recording for you to check out for yourselves if you so desire, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHNZ-oVygDc (said peak is at 23:00).

Checkins: Elkridge, MD, Mohegan Sun, On the Way to Wisconsin, Tampa, FL, Winooski, VT, Birmingham, AL, Foxwoods Casino, Louisville, KY, Savannah, GA, Middletown, CT, New Hampshire, Palo Alto, CA, Eugene, OR, Syracuse, NY, Nashville, TN, Los Angeles, CA, New Haven, CT, East Lyme, CT, Frisco, TX, Littleton, CO, Ocean City, NJ, North Myrtle Beach, SC, Denver, CO, Guilford, CT, Portland, OR, Bronx, NY, Boston, MA, Gaithersburg, MD, The Woods of Maine, Tokyo, Japan ~~(WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER)~~, Pottstown, PA, Chicago, IL, Bend, OR, Nuevo Havo, CT, Seattle, WA, Franconia, NH, Boulder, CO, Canberra, Australia (WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER), Denver, CO, Frederick, MD, Johnson City, TN, Fort Wayne, IN, Granville, OH, Hartford, CT, Indianapolis, IN, Brooklyn, NY, Columbus, OH, Richmond, VA, Hampton, VA, Tulsa, OK, Olney, MD

Favorite Attended Shows:
u/scarletfire72 - 7/28/17
u/amazen55 - 8/5/17
u/jopnk - 6/30/19
u/sdcasurf01 - 8/7-8/09
u/ADriedUpGoliath - 8/1/17
u/mocksong - 12/30/17
u/spautrievas - 7/24/99
u/TuckHolladay - 10/30/10
u/pm_me_your_miletime - 3/6/09 or 7/22/17
u/TeaAndAche - 8/7/15 (today at least)
u/Flash_Gordon - 6/30/19
u/Gam1019 - 12/7/97
u/BrinxJob - 7/25/17
u/colonelphorbins - Big Cypress
u/Jammin_CO - 11/16/96
u/runawayBrian - 7/11/00
u/ButYourChainsOk - 10/31/10
u/wharf_rat88 - 6/21/19
u/gratefulbend - 8/14/15 and Magnaball
u/TheAnt06 - 8/14/09
u/Buehler-buehler - 12/30/97
u/voxangelikus - 12/29/18
u/runawayjim_617 - 12/30/18
u/massofparticles - 10/20/13
u/mrsEminomily - 7/6/19
u/binary_burn - 12/30/18
u/00000000000 - 8/4/17
u/Poster_Nutsack - Big Cypress
u/Bryanmahindrew - 6/14/19
u/elsneech - 8/14/09
u/Dierin - 7/11/00
u/bmault - 4/3/98
u/idsimon - 8/3/18
u/Your_Latex_Salesman - 7/18/99
u/REOpeenwagon - 9/6/15
u/Hukijiwa - 7/5/13, 8/22/15, 7/22/18
u/eleventhjam1969 - 12/29/18
u/headyhwak - 8/31/18
u/vguy72 - 12/6/96
u/JazzOdyssey - 12/5/09
u/bill-ward-rose - 12/31/93
u/kemnitz - 10/26/18
u/lechatblanc233s - 10/29/13
u/uuuhhhh - 11/27/98
u/CaptainJackRyan (Clancy fan?) - 8/5/17
u/cmmn518redux - 9/14/00
u/howluckyarewe - 8/12/10
u/fuckoka_gumbo - 7/30/17
u/sshore61 - 8/7/15 or 6/30/19
u/gsurberRVA - 3/1/03
u/elliescomet - 6/9/94
u/DarwinFox - 6/26/19
u/winnsanity - 9/6/15
u/87ofHarts - 7/30/17
u/Cletus_Van_Dam - 12/30/16
u/diginfinity - 11/17/97 or 12/6/96
u/carinisnutbag - 12/31/92
u/Tabooter024 - 12/16/99
u/unclejohnssocks - 8/31/12
u/Space-Antelope - 12/31/17

-----------------
Commentary from the Couch:

I've already spoken with Vegas for the degenerates among us and I've been told the pre-show Hee-Haw o/u line is set at 3 after a measly showing of 2 Hee-Haws at Fenway 2. Live lines to come.
Just finished off way more food than anyone should eat from my favorite Chinese joint! What're y'all feasting on tonight?
Finishing up AHS Asylum before the show, first time seeing this. Man this show is faaaaacked up but so good

SET ONE COMMENTARY

Right out of left field with that call there Troy
Let's hope for a little yam in this one!
HOLY SHIT THIS ONE'S GONNA GO
This is absolutely looking like its gonna be one of those shows
Surprised this only the second Maze of the summer! I'm still hunting one with Lengthwise
That pinterest line makes me seriously consider taking a header off of a high ledge
Love Sample! Bit of a resurgence after being somewhat of a rarity the past couple of years
We're all in this together!
I love Fish's new trigger pad with the gong and triangle sooooo much
Oh fuck yeah let's get weird with this Gin dudes

SET TWO COMMENTARY

I'll be totally honest, I was at the debut of Soul Planet and absolutely despised this song at the time. That being said, it's grown on me more than any of the other new songs I think
Really cool beat Fish is playing there with the triplet on the hi-hat
Wider, Debut. Definitely digging this one so far. When they did that second transition in the Soul Planet jam I was wondering if they were moving to something composed but didn't recognize it. How lucky we are!
OH JESUS THAT WAS SMOOTH
Final Hurrah is another one that has really grown on me. The faceepluntintorokk sample has always driven me nuts cause I really enjoy the song portion but I think I can look past that going forward
Oh man this takes me right back to the lawn on that beautiful night in Camden. By far my favorite debut of the summer
You know how sometimes a song was just SCREAMING to be played...yeah now's one of those times
Loving the big Birds this summer!
Love to see some Rambo Big Red!!
Seems like the shows have been trending towards the longer side side this tour...me likey

-----------------
THE SEXY MAN-O-METER
[ ] Standing
[ ] Raging
[ ] Perspiring
[ ] Crushing a sandwich
[ ] Porno-clav action
[ ] Glasses off
[ ] Faceplanting into rokk
[ ] Still Waiting
[ ] All alone
[ ] Melting
[ ] Summoning demons
[ ] Scanning pinterest *barf*
[ ] Sexy Fender Rhodes action
[X] Sobbing
-----------------
DON'T BE A DICK AND ASK FOR STREAM LINKS IN THE COMMENTS WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THIS POINT

Official Stream on Phish Radio: https://www.siriusxm.com/
Mixlrs won't be posted on here because, all together now, FUCK NUGS!!!
Be discrete when sharing mixlrs amongst yourselves

Let's have a great night folks!!!

Last Updated: Feb 24
Map: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1L-UaowXGzmHHw35AOuZwiDn_iiUODm09&usp=sharing
I put together a map of confirmed public parking near the Dome, as well as some information on pricing (though I cannot guarantee these prices, parking companies are really bad about publishing event prices). The map is color coded, with surface lots in blue, garages in purple, free parking (see below) in green, confirmed tailgates in black, and lots to avoid in red. The map also has 18 Metrolink Park & Ride Lots, all of which are free, and my top picks are in yellow (see below).
Be sure to leave your comments about, getting to and from the Dome, parking, tailgating, or anything of the sort, and well be sure to add it to the map and the thread. Would love to try and get some accurate parking prices to save BattleHawks fans some green, and find out where everyone is going to be tailgating.
Gates at the Dome will open 90 minutes before kickoff.
Check the BattleHawks bag policy: https://www.xfl.com/tickets/xfl-clear-bag-policy
Official BattleHawks Pre-Paid Parking link: https://www.stlouisparking.com/parking-reservations/
Tailgating Facebook Groups
Last time I asked, this lot is SOLD OUT It looks like there's one group in particular that has organized a big tailgate. STL BattleHawks Tailgate will be having a tailgate before each home game, hosted by Missouri Bar and Grill. The tailgate will take place in the lot at Convention and N. Tucker. Their page makes it sound like they are selling 'Season Passes' to the lot for $70, and any remaining ones for $20 a game, call the bar to purchase one: 314-202-8791. The whole 'hosted by Missouri Bar and Grill' is a bit unorthodox but sounds fun, they say they'll have shots girls, a 50/50 raffle, and a brunch buffet before the tailgate. I have my pass for the home opener. Set up is very nice, all grilling is okay, there's a guy bringing kegs, it should be a fun time. If it's anything like a Chiefs tailgate, you should be able to trade a few beers or a few bucks for a brat.
Official Pre-Game Tailgate Party at Ballpark Village and in Baer Plaza
"Join us for a tailgate party in the Ballpark Village located right outside St. Louis Cardinals Stadium. The tailgate party begins 3 hours before kick-off and includes fun for the whole family, including drink specials, music, and convenient access to the St. Louis BattleHawks pro shop for all of your gameday gear. You must have a valid game ticket to attend."
The BattleHawks will have an official Pre-Game event at Ballpark Village, starting 3 hours before kickoff and ending 1 hour before kickoff. This is a ticketed event, BPV is selling tickets for $20, which comes with drink specials, a nacho bar, parking at BPV, and a shuttle ride to and from the game. The BattleHawks site implies that you can get into this event with a normal BattleHawks ticket, but it's not very clear if this is the case. This is a +21 event during the ticketed event, but actually watching the game at BPV is all ages. Parking at BPV, without a ticket for this event, is free for 3 hours with a validation.
It also looks like the team is hosting some sort of events in Baer Plaza, which is next to the Dome, between Broadway and 4th Street. I can't seem to find any info on this besides a single tweet.
Taking Metrolink to the Dome
Using the Metrolink to get to the game is a good option for anyone who doesn't want to struggle with parking downtown, and the ensuing traffic after the game. The Convention Center Metrolink station is only 800 feet from the closest entrance to the Dome, with escalators and elevators. The Metrolink may be a smidge crowded, especially immediately after the game, but this it the absolute safest time to use it (though I will argue crime on the Metrolink is a bit exaggerated). Be sure to double-check which train you are getting on, as the Red & Blue lines overlap Downtown, and getting on the right train the first time instead of transferring at Forest Park is definitely preferable. Tickets are $2.50 each way, be sure to validate your ticket when you get to the platform. The map has 18 Park & Ride lots at Metrolink stations, all of which are free, and I've highlighted 3 stations in yellow as the most useful.

Brentwood I-64: From 40, exit at Brentwood Blvd and go straight towards Hanley Rd, turn right on Hanley, and make the very next right. From 170, exit at Eager Rd and turn left on Eager, then turn right when you pass over the Metrolink station. Take an Eastbound train towards Fairview Heights, and get off at Convention Center. On the way back be sure enter the Convention Center station on the north side of Washington Ave, and take the Westbound Blue Line Train towards Shrewsbury I-44.
Shrewsbury Lansdowne I-44: From 44, exit at Murdoch Ave and go straight towards towards Murdoch Ave, turn left on Murdoch, turn right on Lansdowne Ave, and immediately turn left into the lot. Take an Eastbound train towards Fairview Heights, and get off at Convention Center. On the way back be sure enter the Convention Center station on the north side of Washington Ave, and take the Westbound Blue Line Train towards Shrewsbury I-44.
North Hanley: From 70, exit at Hanley Rd and turn right on Hanley, make the very next left, and then turn left again. Take an Eastbound train towards Shiloh-Scott, and get off at Convention Center. On the way back be sure enter the Convention Center station on the north side of Washington Ave, and take the Westbound Red Line Train towards Lambert Airport.

Parking for Free at the Casino
Probably the best option for parking at the Dome is to park at Lumiere Casino, as Trop Advantage Cardholders can park here for free, even for events. Getting a Trop Advantage Card is very simple, just go into the casino, go to the customer service desk, and ask to get a rewards card. Take this opportunity to confirm with the staff about the parking validation situation. Last time I parked here I was told I simply had to show the attendant my card, no need to validate anything inside the casino, but this may have changed. Worst case scenario, you may have to use your card at a slot machine once to get your parking validated. To get to the Dome, there is a tunnel that takes you from inside the Casino to the other side of 44. From the tunnel exit to the closest entrance to the Dome is less than 300 feet, perfect for cold or wet game days. I can't confirm this, but I've heard that in the Rams days, the parking attendant did not seem to mind people tailgating the surface lot, but this policy may have changed since then.
Lots to Avoid

The parking lot for the HoteLumiere on 1st St is for hotel guests only, not for casino parking. Don't park here, you'll get towed.

I've also come across the idea of organizing a formalized Team Fan Club, similar to ones organized in Europe for their Soccer teams. The main purpose of this club would be to lease a parking lot for game-day and use the space for tailgating. Club members would pay an annual fee, which would secure the lease on the parking lot, and in exchange would have free use of the parking lot on game-days. Any extra spots could be sold day of game. An added benefit would be the 'Private Property' nature of the parking lot, which would legally allow us to properly tailgate, with legal drinking and grilling. There are a few properties near the Dome that could likely be leased at a reasonable cost.

Link to part 1
You're a Dirty-Grey Earth Fluffy with an even dirtier Black mane and tail, walking as fast as you can to the north, part of a massive Herd that stretches as far back as you can see and beyond.
Back when you were part of your Original Herd, you were called Dirt, because no matter what you did or how many times you jumped in the Water Holes, your Fluff seemed to attract dirt all on it's own. Now you're just 'Fwuffie', like everyone else.
Across the highway is another, equally massive Herd, full of Meanie Fluffies who say that Uni loves them more.
You'd go over and give them owies, but the Desert Fluffies know that Biggest Meanest Monsters come roaring down the highway frequently, so it's best to conserve your strength for the day when the Meanie Herd is being incredibly Mean.
As a Desert Fluffy, you know the surrounding regions quite well, but you've never had an adventure like this before
Follow the Black Hard Thing that Hoomins call the 'Highway', always follow it, never leave to follow down the smaller Black Hard Things, because they do not go 'North'. Find the Water Holes and have to stop Fluffies from pushing each other in.
Have to force them to wait for their turn, and then have to make those who have had their fill of water keep moving. And with so many Fluffies, thousands of them, it's hard to make them stop fighting.
The last water-hole, there was barely any water for the last few Fluffies, just very dirty water that they cried over, but drank anyways, because they were so hot and thirsty.
These Cee-Tee Fluffies are real pains in your Poopie Place. They never work together like your Herd used to.
And there's barely enough food for everyone now. Have to beat the Fluffies who try to eat everything, they are supposed to only have a mouthful of something and move on, so those behind them can eat too.
You have had to beat a lot of Fluffies to get them to understand that if they eat all the nummies, then their friends behind them will have none.
Then you had to keep driving them on when they tried to turn back and 'Gif Sowwy Huggies!' to their 'Fwiends'.
Have to stay on your side of the road too, as there's a Mean Herd just as big on the other side, eating all the shrubs and grass and shouting that they love Uni more than you do.
Want to fight the Mean Herd to prove you love Uni the most, but can't, Fluffies need to keep moving and go 'North' as fast as they can, and if you waste time fighting, then Uni might pick somebody else as her One True Special Friend.
Fluffies whimper, some cry about being hot, about their hooves hurting, about wanting nummies, but nobody stops. Uni is waiting, at a magical place...
Fluffies walk till it's too hot, then try to find shade to wait out the hottest part of the day.
Some of the Herd's Cee-Tee Stallions say they have been walking for many turnings of the Sun, from a place full of Hoomins and Fluffies and Grass and Water, and it makes your head spin that they would abandon such a paradise.
There's nothing out here but the blistering hot sun, the cruel, burning sand and small shrubs and patches of hard, bitter grass.
And Snake-Munsta and Bug-Munstas and... well, there's a lot of Munstas.
Until She came along, you despaired of ever finding a way out of this hellhole.
Uni... just remembering her makes your heart swell with longing, and you find the strength to push onwards just a little bit more.
"Too wamm!" A Stallion near the front of the Herd shouts. He's right, the Sun is climbing so high it's nearly overhead
Fluffies walk down into the bad-lands, and here is where you and you can help these 'Cee-Tee' Fluffies find shelter.
It's hard, there's more Fluffies than you can count, stretching back farther than you can see, but you try. Fluffy Mammas and Foals get the best shade, because they are the most vulnerable, then Mares, then Stallions.
Everyone is so hot, fluff is bad when Fluffies get this hot, so everyone pants through their mouths to try and make the 'Wamm Bad Feww' to leave their bodies.
Fluffies are warned about the Bug-Munstas and the Snake-Munstas, but some don't understand, or are too mean, and push into the rocks, looking for shelter.
Hear them scream as the Munstas sting them. Fluffies flop about, howling and pooping and shrieking as the Bad Bites make them spit boo-boo juices and turn ugly colors.
Fluffies cram in under shrubs, behind tall rocks, anywhere there is shade, and pant, flicking their tails and twitching their ears to try and make the Fly-Not-Friends who plague them go away.
On the other side of the road, the Other Fluffies are shouting in dismay, apparently several of their Herd tried to take shelter behind a Prickly Green Plant, and got bad owies from the thin needles that cover it.
Good. Don't like that Herd that is leading that mob of Cee-Tee Fluffies.
Made it impossible for you to be with Uni. Were naughty, so Uni's Hoomins pulled you all away.
You sigh and close your eyes, remembering how soft her fluff felt against your body, as the sun climbs higher into the sky, and the shade the Fluffies hide under shrinks
"Yuu weft dem awone! Wun away to chase Uni! Why yuu weave yuu Hewd to chase Uni! Bad Fwuffies! Hewds wuv yuu, an' yuu wun away!"
Whimper and try to forget the memory of Uni being so very angry with you. It's not your fault! She just... you think of Uni, and then your Mares, but there's just no comparison at all. Your Mares were small and scrawny and dirty, their ears ragged, their fluff full of dust and burrs.
Touching Uni was like... you don't know the words to describe it. It was like every good thing you ever wanted, and so many good things you never knew existed, all at once.
Soft, clean, warm, pretty, good feels, nice smells
You sigh and try to block out the sounds of Fluffy Ponies complaining loudly, pushing and shoving each other as the shade shrinks and shrinks, forcing the hot, unhappy Fluffies ever closer together.
But Uni is going 'North'.
And you will follow her to the ends of the Land, you said so.
You promised.
*********************************************************************
Well. Las Vegas...certainly more than you ever expected.
Spent a week and a half here, doing 'adverts' for various businesses that think appealing to Fluffy Pony Owners is a sound business decision.
Uni's getting the work out of her life here.
Fluffies are brought out to meet her by their owners, get hugs, and 'help' with the adverts.
Done everything from garages trying to sell fuel and repairs to specialty stores selling 'all natural' Fluffy Chow and even a Fluffy Pimp.
Seriously?
Don't think that one is going to see air-time.
The three mares were quite beautiful and were wearing makeup, with ribbons tied through their manes.
"How much yuu chawge?" They asked you, scowling at 'Uni'.
That was surprising. Uni was designed to be adorable by Fluffy Pony standards, until you twigged that they saw Uni as a 'rival' for business.
Only reason they weren't attacking was your size, otherwise you're sure that 'Uni' would have been showered with 'Sowwy Poopies!'
Regardless, you're a professional, do the shoot, then BUG THE HELL OUTTA THERE.
Prosti-Fluffies shouting at Pip and Eddy they can 'haf one on da howse!'
Nononononono....
Second-to-last Advert Shoot is in a Casino.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Well at least there'll be AC. Feel like a steamed dumpling at this stage.
Whoever came up with the concept of a Latex Suit never worked in a desert, you're sure.
'Uni' is given some chips, 'plays' some of the games and 'wins' bowls of Spaghetti.
Big, heaped bowls of Spaghetti.
Oh God.
*********************************************************************
Set six weeks later
Be Natasha Goodaluv, again, and watch with bemusement as Eddy and Pip go out to meet the Fluffy Ponies and the Cows.
Some wit decided to stuff a Feral herd with Bovine Hormones, and started to bottle Fluffy Pony Milk. Without the addition of specific foods, the milk has a tendency to have a very starchy taste, but with all the sweet, well-watered grass and high-sucrose fodder the Farmer feeds them, the milk is almost sickeningly sugary.
Had a glass, can barely stand still. No wonder the little fluff-balls are so hyperactive if this is what they grow up on.
Sammy has bought twelve bottles of the damn stuff. Swears it'll be better for everyone than the redbull they're going through. Might be healthier, but for fuck's sake, you feel like you're vibrating right now from the sugar-high.
Oh God, the Mares in the fields have finally noticed Eddy and Pip are 'Stallions'.
This ought to be good. Eddy is 'interviewing' the Mares, while Pip is having a natter with the Farmer who originally came up with the concept of Bottled Fluffy Milk, a scattering of Fillies and young Mares following in his wake and giggling loudly.
In the fields outside the "Dairy Farmers of America" buildings, taking a well-earned break from the Uni-Suit as the madness starts.
"Yuu big Fwuffy! Yuu haf Hewd?" The 'Smarty Friend' of this all-female Herd asks loudly, grinning at Eddy.
Well, leering, but still...
"Eddy haf Hewd wit' Wittle Brudda Pip and Wittle Sistah Uni." Eddy rumbles at the Mares, who all squeak and squeal in delight.
Seriously, did they have to build the suit so Eddy sounded like that? You understand the marketing pitch, to make Eddy sound as big and authoritative as possible to make him popular with Earth Fluffy Ponies, but this is just ridiculous.
"Wan join mah Hewd?" The Smarty Mare shouts eagerly, tail lifted into the air and waving back and forth.
If you were closer, you'd bet you could smell the hormones flooding off her right now.
Combination of a lack of males, rich food, constant hormone injections to make her produce milk all the time, and that has to be one ripe little Fluffy out there trying to be sexy as all hell.
"For the record, if you two fuckers pop the suit's boner out there, I WILL beat you to death with your own fucking limbs." You hear the Director mutter into his head-set, and stifle the urge to giggle.
"An yuu is nice Hoomin who gif miwk to Fwuffies at home?" Pip squeaks to the Farmer, who grins and nods, obviously only just resisting the urge to burst out laughing.
Yes, the whole situation is absurd, just deal with it.
"Aaaaah, yep, I started bottling Fluffy Ponies milk a few years ago when they wandered onto my property, thought there might be a market." The aging, balding man snorts and grins as he watches 'Eddy' desperately trying to outrun the Mares, who had all latched on to his belly fluff, squirming and wriggling.
"WOOOOOOO!" You hear one Mare squeal in delight. Shit. SWAG has been launched...
Director is making choking noises, and you swear you can hear the coffee mug in his hands cracking as his knuckles turn white.
"Oh my God... well, uh, focusing on the milk again..." The Farmer makes an half-muffled snort of laughter as Pip and he walk away from the train-wreck of Eddy and the Mares. "The milk is bottled and treated on my farm, filled with all the good things Fluffy Ponies need, and then sold all over the country. There's Fluffy Milk for Foals, Fluffy Milk for Adults, Fluffy Milk for the Elderly Fluffies. Hell, I even pasteurize some for people too."
"Yaaaaay! Nice Hoomin get Fwuffie Miwk fo' evewy Fwuffie an' dere Mummies an' Daddies!" Pip 'cheers', dancing from hoof to hoof, his wings flapping 'eagerly'.
The Mares who followed pip also start dancing, delighted.
"Yuu is Guud Fwuffies who make Miwk fo' otha Fwuffies!" Pip tells them, 'smiling' at them. "Yuu is wunnerful! Yuu is Best Fwuffies!"
Mare cling to Pip's fluff and shout they love him, that they think he's 'wunnerful' too.
Eddy has fallen over with much cursing, sending Fluffy Ponies flying.
They rushed over to ask if he was okay, then saw the SWAG just lying there. Fluffy Mares all crowd around, rubbing their back-ends on the exposed shaft, giggling and cooing, even as their Smarty Friend tries to back into the damn thing.
"Nnnnnngh! So Big! Fwuffy gun' haf Best Speshaw Huggies!" She shouts loudly, grinding back as hard as she can, her face contorting hilariously as she tries to push all 2 feet of flanged latex horse wang into her tiny body.
That does it. Everyone bursts into laughter or starts wolf-whistling.
"Oh for the love of... FROM THE TOP!" The Director yells, rubbing at his temples.
Time till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohi opens ... 6 weeks
*********************************************************************
4 Weeks till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohio opens.
Kansas City. By All The Gods, so many adverts.
Uni's getting more mileage than you thought possible. Much as you hate to admit it, the suit is incredible to hold up under this constant 'abuse' without the mechanisms failing.
Doing a shoot at the St. Louis Arch, with the other two Suits.
Redo of the 'Journey' song. Seems that Fluffies absolutely adore it.
Apparently Las Vegas has had a surge of customers, with Fluffies in tow, and made a killing.
Customers can either take their winnings or have free all-you-can-eat buffets for themselves and their Fluffy Ponies for a week.
Naturally, people try to take the money, but the Fluffy ponies break down into tears, and the owners either boot the Fluffy, try to make it understand or give in to the guilt.
The other thing that's surprising is there's close to a million Fluffy ponies following in your wake.
Jesus enfing Christ. There's so many of them following the Freeway from Hollywood to Cleveland that satellites can pick them up.
They're only just reaching Las Vegas now, according to the News Reports, a sprawling two-part Herd that shambles on morning and night, leaving a trail of weak or dead Fluffy Ponies in their wake.
"We fowwowin' Uni!" One Fluffy Pony said on National Television, making the entire cast spit their coffee out in horror. "We fowwow Uni fow'evah! We wuv Uni!... I wuv Uni mowst dou...."
Cue the Feral Fluffies going into a screaming free-for-all as the Stallions jumped on the Smarty Friend, shouting that they themselves 'wuved' Uni more than anyone!
Any complaints to the show get funneled down the line to the your Mystery Asshole Boss. Hope the bastard's ears are melting off from the enraged Fluffy Pony Owners whose babies have run away to follow their Idol.
And there's scores of abusers out there attacking the herds, but apparently there were so many that a couple of flat-bed trucks actually went out of control when their wheels locked up with Fluff, and tipped over, crushing their inhabitants, who got 'Owie-Fixin'-Hugs' to make it all better.
And promptly suffocated under thousands of Fluffies trying to fix their 'boo-boos'.
Karma at work, ladies and gentlemen. You thought to yourself as you watched the police pry the Fluffy ponies off the corpses.
Las Vegas City Council apparently decided that it was a fantastic attention-getter, and has 'helped' the Fluffy Ponies by diverting them down the main 'strip' of road leading through town and blocking off the alleyways and side-streets.
Show-Girls are holding signs saying "Uni went that way!" instead of working the tables, or under them.
Lying bastards. They're just eager to see the Ferals leave, and possibly make their own Feral Fluffy Pony population disappear in the process.
Fuck you can only imagine what the Ferals have had to go through .....
*********************************************************************
You hold up your son to the sky... and weep bitter, bitter tears. The tears wash down into your dirty fluff, leaving two clean trails on your cheeks as the foal remains cold and stiff, despite your attempts to warm it with the morning sun.
The mare you had befriended on the way died, leaving you to look after the last of the babies you had given her one night when you couldn't stand the Hot-Naughty-Feels pulsing through you.
Brandy died because the Mean Herd snuck across the road and ate all the nummies, marching all night long while your herd slept.
Your herd kept following their side of the road, too afraid of the Munstas to cross the highway, too determined to stop and seek food further from the highway's edge.
Three days without food, and barely any water, and eventually she was too weak to move.
Babies had been without milk for two days when the first, your daughter Gust, fell off her Mother's back and wouldn't get up.
You and Brandy cried over her body so much, then left the Herd to take her and put her under a bush, where she could rest.
You both knew she was dead, but it made it easier to go on if you pretended she was just sleeping.
Then your son Brambles began to fall ill, and you tried everything you could think of to make him better.
Hugs, half-chewed grass, some sweet berries you found and brought back for him to suck on, nothing worked.
Bandy kept on telling you she was sorry, she was a "Bad Fwuffy Mumma". Told her she was the "Best Fwuffy Mumma evah, it not her fault if Meanie Hewd steaw nummies."
Brandy didn't move the next day, still and cold even with you hugging her through the night, your son snuggled between you both, wheezing in his sleep.
Now, he's dead. He's dead. HE'S DEAD. You feel so hollow and empty inside as you bring his body down, staring at it and fighting the urge to break down and will yourself to join your family in death.
You made a promise, not just to Uni, but to your mare and your babies that they would see Uni once again.
Your heart breaks, being a Fluffy Daddy was so... so fulfilling! It made every day wonderful to be alive, to know your babies were waiting for you to play with them, teach them to be good Fluffies.
You told them about Uni, the biggest, most beautiful (after their mumma) and most magical unicorn Fluffy who was leading Fluffies to a magical place.
Fluffies who joined you from the Cee-Tees said it was 'Sketti Wand', a place of endless Spaghetti, where Fluffies could play all day with nice hoomins who loved them, ride on toys made just for Fluffies, even find homes for themselves with the nice hoomins.
How the babies' eyes lit up when they heard that, how your mare sighed happily, all their hunger and pain forgotten for a few blissful moments.
Now... you have but one child left. A small, pale brown fillie with a shockingly bright-red mane and tail. Brandy the Second.
She's the only one that has managed to hold on to life, the only one that didn't fall sick from the lack of nummies, even though you can feel her ribs clearly when you give her huggies.
She's sitting there, dry-eyed and staring at her brother, her face inscrutable.
"Baybeh... we aww dat weft of famiwy." You whisper to her, placing your boy reverently down under a bush, tears still falling from your eyes.
"Fwuffie know. Fwuffie miss Mumma, miss Sissy, Miss Brudda." She whispers back, closing her eyes and sighing, sounding so much older than her single week of life could possibly suggest. "Buh we goin', Daddy? We goin' to see Uni, yes?"
Sigh and sob and laugh all at the same time, and let her climb up onto your back.
"Yes, Baybeh, we gon' see Uni. Daddy pwomise, an' Mumma wan' hew baybehs see Uni too, pway with Uni and eats wots of Sketti." You whisper to her as you shuffle off to rejoin the Herd, leaving your son to 'Sleep' alongside his mother under a prickly bush that will keep the Munstas from hurting them further.
As evening falls, you are all but falling over from weariness, but your daughter has had some nummies, where a nice hoomin had pulled up in a Fast Box Munsta and was distributing water and sweet nummies to the Fluffies.
"You keep going, you brave little things." She said, her face all wrinkled, smiling down at you as she handed out buttered peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches, which the herd dutifully broke down into bite-sized pieces, ate their share, and shuffled on after hugging the nice hoomin's ankles.
There's a lot of nice hoomins coming out now, saying they love Fluffy Ponies, want to see them make it to Sketti Wand.
Without them, you'd be dead by now, you're sure.
Some have Fluffies living with them in their Moving Safe Places, who cheer at you as well, saying they are going on ahead, and will be waiting for you at 'Sketti Wand'.
It's later that evening when you find the first of the Mean Herd, broken and bleeding, screaming about "Bad hoomins who gif huwties!"
They are quickly given Biggest Owies, and their bodies are rolled away from the road so that the Foals don't see them. They are evil fluffies who stole your nummies, and want to be special friends with Uni.
You once wanted to be like that. To make Uni your Special Friend, and yours alone.
Brandy changed that. Brandy filled your heart in ways that Uni never did.
You still love Uni, but Brandy will always live in your heart. You want to find Uni still, but so that she can teach your daughter to be a Good Fluffy too.
TO BE CONCLUDED.....

The North Stars, you all know what happened, Norm Green moves the team to Dallas, because he was a pervert. Well there was a lot more that went into them moving, than simply just “Norm’s wife told him to move the team or else”.
March 11, 1965, NHL President Clarence Campbell announces the NHL will expand to twelve teams, from six. With that the era of the Original Six, the “Original Six” weren’t even that, they were just six teams that managed to survive throughout a chaotic league. A group led by, Walter Bush, Jr., Robert Ridder, and John Driscoll, sought to bring the NHL to the Twin Cities, in Minnesota. The NHL awarded this group one of the six new franchises, with the other five going to Oakland(Seals), Pittsburgh(Penguins), St Louis(Blues), Philadelphia(Flyers) and Los Angeles(Kings). The as of yet unnamed franchise held a naming contest, as you typically do with a new team and the name “North Stars” was selected, which was derived from the states motto "L'Étoile du Nord" or Star of the North. Work quickly began on their new arena in Bloomington, with the arena eventually being named “The Metropolitan Sports Center.”
Honestly? There’s not much chaotic about the early North Stars, unlike the Blues who had to deal with the NHL’s bullshit(Norris Jr and his merry band of fools), or the Seals who were a mess to begin with, the North Stars were...stable. Game 1 of their first season was an entertaining one, playing against fellow expansion team, the St Louis Blues, they tied in their first game, with Bill Masterson scoring the first goal in franchise history. It was an exciting time to be a hockey fan. All was not well though, on January 13, 1968, the North Stars faced the California Seals, in what would be Masterson’s final game.

The incident:

Masterson was skating the puck across the Blue Line, his skates got tangled in the stick of Larry Cahan or Ron Harris(it’s unknown as to which, but they were both close to him), Masterson lost his balance, pitching forward, he didn’t see the defendor coming up on him, who delivered a clean check to him, knocking him backwards. Masterson was not wearing a helmet(as was normal), as he smacked his head on the ice, going unconscious instantly. Masterson never recovered, he died a few days later. Teammate André Boudrias described the hit "It sounded like a baseball bat hitting a ball.” Boudrias helped the team trainer onto the ice, the team doctor joining them soon after. They carried Masterson off on a stretcher and into an ambulance to Fairview Southdale hospital, seven miles away. "His eyes were gray at the time -- it was like a horror picture," Boudrias says. "I knew he was done." Doctors did what they could, treating him with steroids and diuretics, but the swelling in his brain was too swift and severe. His Wife and Parents, who had flown in from Winnipeg to watch him play, had made the decision to remove Bill from life support.
Hours later, at 1:55AM, Bill Masterton was pronounced dead at the age of 29, he was survived by his wife Carol. Unfortunately this didn’t do much to make the NHL decide to make helmets mandatory, not for another decade when they finally made helmets mandatory. However this did spark a change among players, as more began to adopt helmets. Players before this had worn helmets, but most chose not to for “Vanity Reasons”(To quote Brett Hull). Bruins player Ted Green had become the first Bruin to wear a helmet, since Eddie Shore. Shore had suffered major head injuries as a result of a massive hit he laid onto Ace Bailey, Shore in turn had his head hit the ice in retaliation. Doctors described Masterton’s death as the result of “a massive brain injury”. After news of Masterton’s death spread to the team, the North Stars lost their next six, but also retired his Jersey. Masterson’s death opened many eyes to the realization that helmets were needed in a fast moving game such a hockey. Following his death, hockey writers announced the creation of the “Bill Masterton Trophy”, to be given annually to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey. Basically the player who best overcame adversity for that season, such as Bobby Clarke, who overcame Diabetes to play in the NHL.

I cannot state this enough as to how awful the NHL has been about head injuries, their official position is to deny concussions are an issue, I get why, but it’s annoying as hell. Their official stance with head injuries has always been to shrug and pretend it’s not an issue. I fully believe Masterson would have survived, had he had a helmet.

The North Stars finished fourth in the West Division(the one with all the expansion teams), in their first playoff run, they beat the Kings, advancing to the West Finals, where they lost to the Blues in a Game 7, in double overtime. The Blues proceeded to get swept by the Canadiens, in what becomes a recurring theme for the next 2 finals, Original Six sweeping the expansion Blues. This is by no means because the Blues were awful, it was because the odds were stacked against them and the rest of the “New Six”. They weren’t given great players and the GMs had no idea what they were doing, not to mention they were given their own division so the Original Six had a punching bag. Even in a “new era” the NHL was awful. The next few years were mostly uneventful for the North Stars, missing the playoffs once, but only posting one winning season in their first four seasons, it wasn’t looking great. They were better than their WHA Rivals, who folded four seasons in, but not by much. By ‘78 attendance had fallen so sharply that there were fears that they would fold due to how bad things were, they’d posted 2 whole winning seasons and out of the last six seasons, making the playoffs only once, it didn’t look good. But there was a worse team, the Cleveland Barons, formerly the Oakland / California Seals, who relocated to Cleveland due to a new arena being out of the question and the minority owners(George and Gordon Gund) convincing the majority owner Melvin Swig(wanted to move them to San Francisco, more on this at the end) to move the team to Cleveland. The Barons weren’t much better and then this happened.

The Merger:

Essentially the wealthy owners of the Barons, George(III) and Gordon Gund, would become the new owners of the North Stars, merging them with the Barons. The Barons would in turn merge with the North Stars, giving them the good parts of the team. The North Stars would not relocate, they would keep their name, logo, color, everything, but would be moved to the Adams Division, since now that division would be down to three teams. Most notable of the players the North Stars would get were Goaltender Gilles Meloche and forwards Al MacAdam and Mike Fidler. During the draft that year they had drafted future Calder winner, Bobby Smith, who helped to bolster an actually decent looking team now. They weren’t cup favorites, but they were an improved team, this merger is what saved the North Stars from folding and making the NHL’s expansion look like even worse of a joke. The season that followed was nothing short of incredible, suddenly the North Stars looked like a real team, everyone looked to be firing on all cylinders, leading to a historic game:

January 7th, 1980, the North Stars Hosted the Philadelphia Flyers who were on a historic streak, 35 games UNDEFEATED in that span they won 25 out of 35 games, tying 10 of them. The fans at the Met Center had come in droves, over 15,962 fans showed up to see this monumental game, a new record for Minnesota Hockey. The North Stars shelled the Flyers non-stop, one goal after another came, eventually two hat tricks came, finally the buzzer had sounded, the North Stars had won it. The Flyers lost 7-1, ending the longest win streak in sports, effectively showing that these new North Stars were something serious and much less disorganized. That same year during the playoffs, they went in against the reigning champions, The Canadiens and beat them in 7, before falling to the Flyers in 4 games to 1, effectively a gentleman’s sweep. Nonetheless, this season had been one of their best, even if it ended far too early.

The following season proved to be an improvement over the last, with them finishing only a point lower than the previous year, but their playoff run was magical. The North Stars got through the Bruins, Sabres and finally the Flames, to reach the Cup Final. ...Where they promptly got beat 4-1, but it didn’t matter, because by all accounts the North Stars were doing much better now, people paid attention to them, the building was usually full. The next few seasons were the same, despite one early round exit, they made it to the Conference Finals, once more with two Round 1 exits and Round 2 exit. That was it for the Cinderella story of the North Stars though, 85-86 was the final time the North Stars would have a winning season. The 80’s were almost over and attendance was..dropping, despite everything, the North Stars were in trouble. They finished 87-88, just barely out of the playoffs, but allowed them to draft one of the greatest American-Born Players, of all time. Mike Modano.
Drafting Modano was great, but ownership kept threatening to move the team to San Francisco, the Gunds' didn’t exactly like Minnesota and with the fans not showing up, relocation become a threat, here you have a team that was close to folding just a decade ago, back to having trouble and it doesn’t look good on the NHL, despite them vetoing any attempts by the Gund’s to move the team. The NHL eventually gave into the Gund’s threats to move the team to San Francisco. This is where it becomes complicated.

The Gunds' wanted a team in San Francisco, but former Whalers owner Howard Baldwin, former Penguins owner Morris Belzberg and former Flames(minority) owner Norm Green led a group to get an expansion team in San Jose. So the NHL proposed a compromise: The Gund’s would sell their stake in the North Stars to Baldwin’s group and in exchange they would be awarded an expansion team in San Jose. A successor to the Golden Seals in many ways, since they played their first two seasons at the Cow Palace, in Daly, which was just outside of San Francisco. In addition, the new Sharks would be formed with a dispersal draft, first taking players from the North Stars and then the rest of the League.

Enter Norm Greed: Norm Green, former minority owner of the Flames, had joined Baldwin’s ownership group and purchased a 51% stake in the team. Green then purchased Baldwin’s stake in the team, gaining more than 75% control of the North Stars. He then went and bought Belzberg's share in October of 1990, giving him all the power he wanted, making him the owner of the team.

The Norm Green Era:

The 91 season was...odd for the North Stars. They finished with a losing record(as was the norm at this point), but had barely made the playoffs. This is where it gets weirder, they went on a cup run, beating two of the NHL’s best teams in the Blackhawks and Blues, steamrolling through the defending champions in the Oilers, finally facing off against Lemieux’s Penguins, who had just acquired Ron Francis, not too long ago. This Final didn’t go their way, just like the last one, but they fought hard in it, losing 4 games to 2. That was all she wrote for the North Stars though.
It was a strange offseason, in what could be called foreshadowing the North Stars got new uniforms. Gone were the Green uniforms and Stars on the pants, replaced with a simple Black and Green jersey, the new logo ditching the “North Stars” for just “Stars” The uniforms would literally just be the one’s later used in Dallas for most of the 90’s with minor changes. New uniforms weren’t it though, behind the scenes it was chaos. Green was trying to move the team to LA, to play in the still being built Honda Center(Yes, that one), where they would become the “L.A. Stars”. As Disney was in the middle of negotiations(the 90’s were fucking weird) to place a team there(they also owned the Angels), the North Stars would instead move to Dallas, Texas.

The relocation and everything that went into it:

Dallas, Texas. In 1992 Greed announced the North Stars would move to Reunion Arena, in the heart of Dallas, Texas, becoming the Dallas Stars. Why did this happen? Variety of reasons really. Green was a massive pervert and couldn’t keep his hands to himself, or his junk in pants, so he faced a sexual harassment lawsuit, with his wife threatening to leave him, if he didn’t move the team. Why couldn’t they just play at Target Center, with the Timberwolves? Target was Coca-Cola, while the Stars advertised with Pepsi, which created issue. Issue I’m sure could have been solved, but hey, what do I know? Another reason was the dwindling attendance, it has been an issue for the past few years(minus the cup run), combine that with a team who can’t put together a winning season and people just weren’t having it. The on-ice product wasn’t good and they had no interest.
Another factor involved the Gunds’. Yes, they were out of the picture, but their stink still lingered. The Gunds’ had tried to build a shopping near the Met Center, after demolishing Met Stadium(Twins and Vikings played there), well it was looking like they would get their wish...until they didn’t. Instead the Ghermezian brothers, got the land and built The Mall of America. The Gunds’ had felt the Metro Sports Commission had cheated them over this and in turn demanded the MSC renovate the Met Center to the tune of $15 Million, adding close to 40 suites and expanding the concourse. None of that happened, the MSC laughed in their faces and told them to go away. However, North Stars GM Lou Nanne had been the one to actually do something. He persuaded the MSC to instead spend $3.5 Million and add only 20 suites.
The Gunds’ were incredibly frustrated with their situation in Minnesota. And fans were too. Years of failed drafts, trades, no talent and bad seasons, left many fans thinking ownership only cared about money. ...Which they did. Some even called them “No Stars”, because of how true it was, the North Stars had no stars, for most of the Gund era. With the Target Center being built, the Gunds’ took this as a sign, it was time to demand the MSC renovate the Met again, asking for money to do so, with the MSC again, laughing in their faces. It just so happened, Art Savage(friend of the Gunds’) was trying to get a team in San Francisco, so they decided to join forces and move the North Stars to San Francisco.
It wasn’t that easy though. GM Lou Nanne(voice of reason somehow) warned them the NHL wouldn’t allow it, but they went to the Board of Governors to get permission to move. Bill Wirtz was head of the BoG and pretty much denied them on the spot, but granted them a team in San Jose on the condition they sell the North Stars, to an owner who would keep them in Minnesota(Ahahaha). This left the Gunds’ split as George was fine with selling, but Gordon felt that they worked too hard to just sell now(what work did they do? The world may never know!). Eventually they did sell to the aforementioned group involving Norm Green however and they got their team in San Jose.

Could they have stayed in Minnesota despite everything? Probably, but the Timberwolves ownership didn’t help things either. At the time, the Timberwolves were sponsored by Coke and Burger-King, while the North Stars were sponsored by Pepsi and Mcdonald’s. This led to the question “who will advertise on our boards?”, well Harvey Ratner(part-owner) okayed the proposition of the North Stars playing at Target and felt the advertising issue could be worked out. Marv Wolfenson however, disagreed and that killed the idea of the North Stars moving there. It’s hard to place the full blame on them in the long run though, because let’s face it, the Gunds’ wanted any excuse to leave Minnesota.

Norm and the sexual harassment allegations against him. Norm was being sued by some of his former secretaries for sexual harassment, he’d look down their blouses, and demand they kiss him, he was a creep in every way possible. His wife demanded he * move the team, to get rid of mounting media pressure on them, due to the aforementioned lawsuit. Norm made attempts to keep the North Stars in Minnesota, but as the MSC had just finished building the Target Center, they weren’t about to build another arena. The Target Center deal fell through, as did a deal that would link the Met Center to the Mall of America, via Skyway and would include a casino that Green would own. That proposal was shot down because it was almost the same cost as a new arena, that the MSC refused to pay for. He renovated the Met with his own money during his short tenure as North Stars Owner, but that was about it. Apparently it was thanks to former Cowboys Quarterback Roger Staubach that the Stars moved to Dallas, as he had convinced Green, Dallas was the perfect market for hockey.
The fans were as you can imagine angry. Bringing “Norm Sucks” signs and chanting that during games, even calling him “Norm Greed”(Accurate really). It was a horrible time to be a North Stars fan, hell a sports fan in Minnesota in general. Their final season was again, normalcy, sure they made the playoffs, but it was another losing season and this was it for them. They lost to Detroit in 7 games, playing their final game in Detroit, losing 1-0 in Overtime. It was also the first time the NHL tested video replay. The legendary Al Schaer final call goes as follows:

“It’s Ludwig, giving it to Dahlen … 4, 3, 2, 1 … and it’s all over. The Stars lose it here, 5-3, and now it’s pack-’em up time and on to Dallas. We wish them good luck. And to all the North Stars over the past 26 years, we say thank you, all of you, for so much fine entertainment. It’s been a pleasure knowing you, Minnesota’s loss is definitely a gain for Dallas – and a big one. We thank you, though, from the bottoms of our hearts, for all the wonderful nights at Met Center, when you’ve given us so much entertainment and you’ve been such a credit to the community in which you played. We will still remember you as the Minnesota North Stars. Good night, everybody. And goodbye.” (This was for their final regular season game, where they lost to the Blackhawks 5-3. Unfortunately I can only find a transcript of the call, not the call itself. So have Pat Foley and Dale Tallon discussing the pending move instead.)

In many ways the Stars were what the NHL wanted, an experiment in the Southern US, to see if Hockey could work. Dallas, Miami, Tampa were experimental, the NHL wanted to expand into an untapped market, but in doing so alienated fans in Minnesota. They quelled this by announcing “The Twin Cities would get a new expansion team in the near future” the Minnesota Wild.

Norm Greed owned the team for about 2 more seasons before having to sell, to Tom Hicks, at the time the owner of the Texas Rangers(MLB), Mesquite Rodeo and later 50% owner of Liverpool FC. He sold all of these in 2010, to satisfy creditors, sending the Stars into Bankruptcy, forcing him to sell to current owner Tom Gaglardi, thanks to Bankruptcy Court.
The Wild joined the league in 2000 and have sadly been mediocre for most of their existence. I’m not sure why they didn’t play at the Target Center, since it can support Ice Hockey(It currently has Disney on Ice)
Greed wrote an article about his time an owner for DMagazine.
The North Stars ‘91 Cup final, had arguably some of Lemieux's best goals of his career, while cementing his place as one of the greatest of all time.
Al Shaver went on to call Minnesota Golden Gopher(NCAA), eventually returning to hockey, for the Wild’s first season. He retired for good after that, with the XL Center Press Box being named after him.

In the end, the North Stars were unstable for most of their existence, due to horrible ownership. The fans deserved better, but instead got people who didn’t want to spend much, instead. Even in the early years, things weren't good, the merger is what saved them, but in a way also killed them. The fans have every right to still despise Green, but I believe they should despise the Gunds' as well.

Welcome to the 2019-2020 Detroit Red Wings season. This is the third version of this guide to help out visitors looking for some information from locals about Little Caesers Arena (LCA) and surrounding area in Detroit. I hope you find it helpful. Suggestions welcome!

Safety around the LCA as well as nearby Detroit city streets is very good. Detroit has a reputation of having high crime however in the 25+ years I've been going to games in downtown Detroit I've never felt threatened for my safety. Inside and outside the LCA main entrances are police as well as Olympia Security before, during, and after the game. The streets around the LCA and out to the restaurants and hotels are walkable. But like in any modern city don't go down the sketchy dark streets. Stay on the well-lit streets. Park in a structure or lot and not on a dark side street. Lock your car doors. Don't leave visible items inside the car. In other words don't be a victim.
A guided tour of the LCA is available by scheduling in advance on specific dates. Check the LCA tours webpage for more information on prices and scheduling.
Tickets can be purchased through Ticketmaster, or at the LCA box office, or through a reseller like Stubhub or even Ticketmaster's Ticket Exchange. Join the mailing list and check out the Red Wings social media for short notice deals like student and military rush ticket pricing and Fan Packs. Be advised the special offers are typically for low demand games like weekdays. Friday and Saturday games especially near holidays or against Canadian teams are high demand and typically not going to have special offers. These games will most likely not have cheap seats even on the reseller market. Starting last season the LCA has changed to mobile tickets only so no more paper tickets. Check out the mobile ticketing guides for more information. There are mobile ticket assistance street teams at the main entrances if you have an issue onsite.
There is a promotional schedule of in-arena giveaways for specific home games. These giveaways are given to entrants at the door after ticket scan until supplies run out. You can get these even at the restaurants if you entered through their doors. If there is a giveaway item that you really want I recommend being at the doors as close to opening as possible. The longer after doors open the less likely you are to get them item.
Joe Louis Arena is activaly being torn down right now. It should be completed by the end of 2019, maybe sooner. If you want a last glimpse, head over to 19 Steve Yzerman Dr, Detroit, MI 48226.
There are a variety of hotels in Detroit ranging in prices from high at the Westin Book Cadillac to lower at the Holiday Inn Express next door to the Westin. Nearby casinos such as the Ilitch-owned Motor City Casino or MGM offer free shuttle to the LCA or short 8 block walk. Check out TripAdvisor Detroit hotels for additional lodging options. My hotel experience is very limited in Detroit because I have no reason to stay in them so post your hotel tips in the comments below.
The LCA has a variety food options (pizza, shawarma, burritos, salads, sammiches, pulled pork, grilled cheese, etc.) inside but they are all at a premium price. The free game day program at the LCA contains a map. In my experience the best bang for your buck is the chicken pita from The Coop. If you want a complete Ilitch experience then get a slice or whole pie of Little Caesars pizza. Detroit is a foodie town and there are many options to choose from outside the arena. If it is your first time to Detroit or haven't been there yet I recommend getting an iconic coney island hot dog from American or Lafayette PROTIP: Lafayette. Check out the /detroit sidebar for more Detroit restaurant suggestions. There are simply too many to list here so suggest your favorites in the comments below.
Harry’s Bar and Temple Bar are neighborhood bars that are within a 2 block walking distance to the LCA if you want to drink and hangout with fans before or after. The /detroit sidebar has more bar suggestions in and around the city. PROTIP: take the QLINE streetcar (US$1.50/3 hours) to the Canfield stop and quaff a few brews over crack fries at HopCat then take the QLINE south 2 stops (10 blocks) to the LCA stop at Sproat St. Got favorite bar in the area? Post in the comments below.
If you're rich and want convenience, park at the LCA VIP parking structure. It may be pricier (US$45 as of 2019-09-17) but it is a comfortable sheltered stroll to the LCA. If you are up for a short walk and would like to save a buck park at the MGM Casino or Motor City Casino for free. From there you can walk 8 blocks or take their free shuttle. The further away you park from the LCA the cheaper it is. Fox Theater is $35, the two Comerica Park structures off the I-75 service drive are both $30. There are also several surface lots nearby, some let you pay in advance. Check out the parking map Want to reserve a spot? Try Parkwhiz.com or their app. Some bars also have shuttles for free or a couple bucks. PROTIP: Nemo's has the best shuttle drivers. Early birds park for free on Temple, Woodward, and in Brush Park across Woodward from the LCA but be careful where you park because the police will write tickets if you park illegally. Ask me how I know. The parking situation is always evolving so post your tips in the comments below.
Coming from Canada? There is a Windsor tunnel bus US/CAN$5.00 one way from the bus terminal downtown Windsor (Chatham and Church) to Cass Ave. and the I-75 service drive next to the LCA. Getting through immigration takes a few minutes. Have your passport and don't be drunk. Check the link above for service times and details.
The LCA doors open 1.5 hours before puck drop. There are four sets of doors one at each corner. The Chevy Plaza at the southwest corner has a large screen that shows pre-game hype videos and on occasion the live game. Also on occasion, there are beebeverage stands in the plaza as well as picnic games (e.g. corn hole). You may have to pass through security to enter the Chevy Plaza but no ticket scan until you enter the arena doors. LCA restaurants will let you in even earlier with a ticket but access to the concourse is blocked off until all doors open. PROTIP: in cold weather prior to main doors opening either hang out at the Box Office (northeast corner) or the District Market entrance just south of the Box Office.
You can sort of watch the players arrive by car (and visitors by bus) into the parking structure off Clifford north of the I-75 service drive. Get there at least 2 hours before puck drop.
The best photos of the LCA exterior are from the east side of Woodward just north of the westbound I-75 service drive looking at the building from the southeast corner. Photo
Will Call tickets at the box office located at the northeast corner of the arena off Woodward Ave.
There is a strict bag size policy enforced at the door. I’ve seen some upset people turned away at the doors. Know before you go.
You will have to go through a metal detector and may be subject to extra screening to enter the LCA.
Free WIFI is available inside as well as outside of the arena.
There are free game day programs inside the LCA at the entrances. Grab one because it has an arena map with section numbers and vendor locations including where to get Detroit and Michigan beers. Sometimes there are interesting articles too.
The Team Store souvenir shop is in the southwest corner of the LCA. The authentic signed gear and memorabilia located in the east end of the store. There are also vendors scattered around the via and upper concourse selling souvenirs. PROTIP: the LCA prices are high for swag. Buy your gear ahead of time online or at Vintage Detroit in Detroit or FanaticU and Hockeytown Authentics out in the suburbs.
Friendly ushers are everywhere to help out and answer your questions. Most will take your photo for you if you ask politely.
During warmups, fans congregate around the glass. Players come out at 30 minutes before game time for warmups. PROTIP: I recommend watching the Red Wings shoot at the net during warmups from behind the net on the glass in section 102/103. Hearing the puck smack the glass inches from your face is neat. Same for aisle for 115/116 on the visiting team side behind the net. The ushers will let you down to the ice level for warmups even if you don’t have tickets in that section.
The sea of banners is gone but the retired jerseys and Stanley Cup Championship banners remain. They are not the originals which are now hanging in the practice rink below the main rink. You may not see them until after hype video because they are retractable. The banners share the ceiling with the Pistons banners on the other side. PROTIP: The best photo op for the Red Wing banners is in front of the Fox Sports Detroit broadcast desk at the top of section 219.
There is a nice mix of old and new artwork in the LCA. Take some time before the game to walk around the lower and upper level concourses to see the manholes, the Howe, Lindsay, Delvecchio statues from the Joe, the original Olympia sign, murals of Red Wing greats. Look for the Red Wing logo at the northeast corner lower concourse made of auto parts. There are multiple selfie and photo spots too like the Red Wings bench and Little Caesars spear. The LCA is shared with the Detroit Pistons basketball team so you will see artwork and displays featuring their greats as well.
Every seat at the LCA has a view of the ice. Some seats in the upper level (rows 6 and above between the red lines) have obstructed views of the center ice score board but there displays mounted behind the gondolas. The layout of the seats are steep especially in the upper bowl where there is less leg room than lower bowl. Sections, rows, and seats are on your ticket but navigation is based on portals. Check your ticket for your portal, go to that, then find your section/row/seat. Sit in your own seat. If you see seats that are still empty well into the first period then move to them. If someone asks you to move out of their seat just do it. Explore the arena to check out different seat views. PROTIP: go up to portals 78-82 to check out the vertigo inducing view down from the gondola.
Get to your seat 10 minutes before puck drop to see the pre-game hype video on the huge scoreboard and on-ice projection.
The LCA has a custom organ with in-house organists that play before the hype video, end of intermissions, and between plays. Lance Luce is recognizable in his red sequined jacket. To see the organ go to the upper concourse behind section 301.
Most Red Wings fans are friendly people and quite knowledgeable about their team and the sport. Strike up a conversation and you'll probably learn something new.
Cheer for your visiting team but don't be a dick about it.
DO NOT STAND UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT WHILE THE PUCK IS IN PLAY.
The LCA has a strict no smoking policy. There is no smoking inside or anywhere outside of the arena at any door. If you leave the LCA to smoke you will not be readmitted.
No, that's not the goal horn from the Joe. It is a recording of the Joe horn and to many people it sounds dull, flat, and disappointing. The horn sound is louder in the lower bowl but then again the speakers are louder in the lower bowl and have a lot more bass than the upper bowl. I have complained to no avail.
Don't leave early! If the Red Wings win the DJ will play Don't Stop Believing in the final seconds or right after the game ends for you and thousands of your friends to sing along. The arena DJ plays music from multiple genres from Motown to country to pop and is known to take suggestions. He can be reached on Twitter @thehockeyjockey.
There is no public accessible spot for athlete autographs. The best opportunity for autographs is an event created for that purpose such as the Season Ticket Holder Open House, Fan Day Open House, or charity events like Toast of Hockeytown, Charity Poker Tournaments, as well as autograph signing events posted on facebook.
Post-game ride share pickups are along the I-75 service drive southeast of the LCA. Shuttles will pick you up where they dropped you off.
Have fun and enjoy the game!

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