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That’s the actual quote. I’m still pissed as hell but maybe I went too far here.
My brother and I are both late 30s. We get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. He says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. He just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation.
Our wives are best friends. They talk almost everyday on FaceTime.
My wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. She’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for Christmas and decided she wanted to get more. Apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit.
Anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly I don’t know what I’m talking about. She looks great all the time. She’s gorgeous without makeup. She’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. I tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. I think it’s cute and funny.
My brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. He called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on FaceTime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. I tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so I ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing.
He’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. But I think I might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned.
I want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): No, I haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and I’m not going to because I think asking is fucking rude.
She’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. I’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. It makes her happy so I assume that’s why she’s doing it. Asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.

THIS IS THE LAST BATCH OF CARDS AFTER THAT I AM UP TO DATE! I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR YOUR PATIENCE! THANK YOU FOR PARTY ROCKING.
u/xlez: Thank you so much for the very lovely mango postcard! Mangos are the best, and I want to eat one right now. So juicy. When I go to the Indian restaurant I always have a lassi because yummmm. :D I love how spidery your handwriting is! It's really cool. Personally I'm a complete chicken and can't do horror films. I jump at the most obvious jumpscares, and even if the movie didn't end up being scary, I will have nightmares. XD Hope it was fun for you, though! How was Hereditary? Have a great day!
u/cswl: Thank you so much for the absolutely beautiful handmade postcard! The Chinese lanterns in red and gold are really gorgeous and simple designs, and I think that's what makes them so pretty. I don't really have a favourite Chinese food, because I feel most of what I've eaten is inauthentic, but when I lived in Berlin, I really used to enjoy a nice bao every now and again! Scalding hot, but delicious! Pineapple buns sound amazing. I've just had a Thai-inspired chicken soup with a bok choy salad, but now you're making me hungry all over again. XD Have a great day!
u/ninajyang: Thank you so much for the Christmas food postcard! That makes me hungry too, and now I miss the omnipresence of treats during the holidays. Ninamas is such a great time to celebrate, I'm happy I got a chance to tag along for the ride. Thank you so much for sending me all the cards! :D If I have the spoons, I might do the days of Érikmas (doesn't have the same ring to it, though) in April. Have a great day!
u/fieldofcabins: Thank you so much for the handmade postcard celebrating differences! It's so colourful and I love it! I was absolutely the misfit kid in school, through all of it. In some ways I still very much feel like the misfit in a lot of situations, but it's alright. I think you definetely feel less weird growing up and coming together with everyone who used to feel like they didn't belong. Like, maybe the reason you didn't fit into the puzzle you were thrown into was because you belong in a different puzzle, and what we must do in our life isn't hate ourselves for not fitting in, but find the puzzle where we do fit. Have a great day!
u/wabisabi_sf: Thank you so much for the postcard from Bella the Trefethen vineyard dog! She seems like such a good girl, cork stealing aside! I've always wondered why vineyard was pronounced the way it is, rather than vine-yard. I went to one, once, in Bavaria. Was great, we tasted a lot of wines, and the landscapes were stunning! I'm pretty sure I've decided on Érik with the K. Might be extra, but I decided that I was allowed to be as extra as I pleased if I was the one naming myself. :P Cheers to you! Have a great day!
u/Internet_Creep_SM: Thank you so much for the frog postcard! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT'S A FROG AND I LOVE FROGS SO MUCH! You even put in a green clover sticker, frog washi, and a frog stamp! For the record I always thought that fairytale was super frikkin weird. Like, I would totally refuse to kiss a frog too? Unless it was known widely that all frogs were hot princes, but then again, you can't just demand kisses, and I'm not a princess. XD ANYWHO! I love the frog! He's so cute, and I'm pretty sure his name is Basil. :P Have a great day!
u/HoneyFinch: Thank you so much for the thank you postcard with the stationery shops in Montréal! Would it be funny or sad if I said I literally only knew one of these? Of course, with the pandemic, they're closed, but when they reopen, well, my spider senses will be tingling! However I have to say that I am not the one who looks sus. That's entirely you. And just for that, I shall be keeping my eye on you next time. Until you murder me savagely, or something. And I will totally enjoy it XD I absolutely love that you wrote with rainbow pens! Rainbowsssss, rainbows everywhere! Have a great day!
u/mscactuar: Thank you so much for the 2020 dumpster fire postcard! I don't think such an appropriate postcard has ever been made, and when you combine it with your fire washi, your toilet paper washhi, and your dumpster fire washi, I think it paints the most perfect picture I've ever seen. Really quite the contrast with the brainerfly you discovered in the wild! That's amazing! It's a gorgeous specimen, too, to be sure. Does it get this far north? A butterfly that triggers serotonin release in other creatures truly is a wonder, and I hope everyone gets to see it. Have a great day!
u/libertyprogrammer: Thank you so mych for the Marlene Dietrich postcard! She was such a queer icon, and well known for her bisexuality and gender nonconforming. I like the quotes you wrote, but I have to say that writing this post, I looked up more quotes and she definetely does not always come off as being avant-garde on every subject, unfortunately. I really like this one, though: Love for the joy of loving, and not for the offerings of someone else's heart. Have a great day!
u/morrisonismydog: Thank you so much for the adorable gnome card! And a bit of glitter, too! Very cute! I hope your holidays were great too! Mine were; I was lucky enough to spend them with my family. :D I think that that's something incredible I truly took for granted pre-pandemic. May 2021 bring the great Gnome King all the happiness he well and truly deserves, and may he continue to bless us with his garden powers! Have a great day!
u/stephkempf: Thank you so much for the cute mustache card and matching envelope with the cute washi! I think your answers to the questions three grant you access to the bridge! And from there, I presume you will either clean out your card stash, or find the Grail. I mean, I know it's totally true, because I saw it in a history documentary once. Totally credible source, I've been assured. Wait, wait, no. You don't know the air speed velocity of an unladden swallow! I'm sorry! You are ejected from the bridge. So sorry. Hope before you fall you have been able to destash a bit! Have a great day!
u/sarcastic_tortoise: Thank you so much for the lovely yellow smile card and the yellow envelope! Yellow is obvs the best colour to ever have existed. I really love your handwriting, it's very neat and very unique! I've watched the first two seasons of The Good Place, but then I stopped watching because there were no more seasons, and then I just forgot about it, I guess. Really liked it, though, so I'll have to give it another whirl! Sometihing that never fails to make me laugh is a video called 20th century flute on Youtube. I can't listen to it and not laugh. As for dumdum kitties, yesssss, they are so funny too! Wonder what's going through their heads! Have a great day!
u/josephineismyhero: Thank you so much for the galaxy card! Or, well, space, whatever that really colourful system is. It's so pretty! The astronaut and turtle stickers were also really really cute! I was going to say that I really don't know Billy Joel at all except for Piano Man, but upon googling him, I found that I know a lot more of his songs than I had thought! That's super cool! And you are lucky to have been able to go to a concert! I think how you felt then was pretty similar to how I felt when I went to see King Crimson and they did In the Court of the Crimson King. Literal chills, man. Have a great day!
MYSTERY SENDER: You sent me a card in a kraft paper envelope with strips of blue washi on it, and what looks like a bee sticker that got a bit ripped in transit on the other side. Inside there was a blank super duper vintage postcard of the old part of Québec city, and a sticker of a plant. Both are really really cool. Thank you so much! You left no name or username inside, though, and no return address, so I don't know how to thank you! Please make yourself known! All I know is that you're in Canada and obviously you're a lovely person. Have a great day!
u/turkishtacos: Thank you so much for the adorable handmade snowman holiday card! I love what you did with paint swatches, I have an idea to do something like that once I'm on top of things more. And the sandwich stickers, whaaat! Those are so cute! You have very nice handwriting, by the way. Thank you also for all the other goodies! The tea (which btw smells very nice!), the paper, the little quote, and the bigger quote! Very nice! I hope 2021 brings you joy, love, warmth, and above all, health. Your resolutions are pretty cool, and similar to mine, if I had any. I hope to read more this year, and I want to exercise and become swole af. XD And traveling would be really nice too, but I'm not holding my breath for that one this year. Hopefully soon, though! Have a great day!
u/mermaidisaster: Thank you so much for the absolutely gorgeous handmade holiday card! The texture was very nice (I don't know why I keep writing that when it makes me sound like a complete weirdo, but there you have it). Your gel pen is so glittery and sparkly and nice I just spent a full minute staring at it in the light. We too were on the late train when it comes to decorating the tree! My parents bought the tree in November, because they sell them at my job, and they were selling so fast, people just wanted good cheer early this year, but they let it sit in a bucket of water outside until the week before Christmas, and that's when we decorated! Ours was super festive too, really loved it. I hope your holidays were amazing, my friend, and I also hope 2021 treats you well. Have a great day!
u/ThriftyRiver: Thank you so much for the cat card! I think your cat living its best, sassy, derpy life is a great incentive to work hard. XD I hope your 2021 is going great too! I absolutely did not know either of your fun cat facts, and I especially love the second. 1894, you say? Heh. So basically cat videos have been around for as long as videos have. Everyone loves a good cat video! Cats are absolutely the best. And if our ancestors had internet, Youtube would be full of compilations of kitty cats in black and white. Have a great day!
u/Flip_2001: Thank you so much for the beautiful wave print postcard, the playlist and all the stunning floral stickers plus the Snoopy ones! I really loved reading your card. It's so cool that this was your first official Christmas as you! Congratulations! Rather sucks that you're stuck in bureaucracy having to prove things that no one else is asked to prove, though. I hope that goes well. Linocutting seems like a really fun hobby, and you're really good at it! 2020 wasn't a good year for me, and this year so far is shaping up to be, er, surprising! Thank you, by the way, I really like my name too! Except I spell it with a K now, so Érik. XD I like your name too! My holidays were great, and I am very lucky that no one in my family is sick or lost their job. I'm a student, but things didn't really go as planned, so now at least I can work at my job while I figure things out. Thank you for the top 5 of films and series! Is the first one Annet or Anne +? You know I'm absolutely always down to watch things with good representation. :D Have a great day!
u/stephkempf: Thank you so much for the Roy Bedward card! From what I've seen of my google search, that artist has such a beautiful connection to colour. It really fascinates me, how much art can help people be heard when they otherwise don't know how to express themselves. And I feel like the painting of the card you sent me must really be stunning in person. On the card, what I see is a very dark set of blues, but it doesn't like, feel dark. There's a lightness to it that makes me feel like it isn't sad. I don't know, I just really like it. Have a great day!
u/snailmailer142: Thank you so much for the handmade green hello card! It's very nice, and that penmanship is beautiful! I also really love your green and black plane washi, where did you get it? 2021 has been surprising to me so far. I hope it's been good to you! I love that you're pouring creativity into making cards. That's something I want to do too, when I get back on top of things. I've heard of Bridgerton, but not of The Final Table! There's a girl at my job who really loves the former in a very uh, weird way, but if it's recommended by a non weird person, I'll give it a go! Personally, I'm rewatching Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, and it's still as great as the first like, three times I watched it. XD Have a great day!
u/Gigi700gigi: Thank you so much for the very pretty postcard! For the life of me right now I can't remember where it is, but it's a vintage one! Thank you for sharing your hopes for 2021 with me. I too hope the year is quieter in terms of major news. Feels like we've had a century's worth crammed into a year... And I'd love for COVID to be gone, too. It feels like there's so much we took for granted pre-covid... Makes it hard to meet new people, but that's something I would like to do too. I wish your friend all the strength and happiness in the world. Good times will come. And as for your coworker, well, with any bit of luck they'll decide it's time for a change of scenery soon! Have a great day!
u/Ceri_Monster: Thank you so much for your congratulations card! You couldn't believe the timing you have, even if you had planned it. I actually came out to a friend via text message yesterday, and all went swimmingly, and I've been floating on a euphoric cloud since last night! It was the first time I did it, too, so I'm glad I now know I have the balls. Absolutely the timeliest card ever, thank you so very much! And thanks for the kind words. Have a great day!

I wasn't sure about this anime before watching it, the description made it feels like it was a cheap version of Karakai jouzu no Takagi-san and Netflix and anime production is always a hit or miss. But now, after watching it, it's one of my favorite recent watch and I just want to talk about it and see other opinions on this anime but also I would recomand it to you if you haven't watch it yet.

Quick description:
The story basically follows a boy named Haruo during the golden age of video games arcade in Japan ( 90's ) where he will meet a girl, Oono, which is insanely OP at video game. And you watch them become rival, friends and having feelings for each other ( and I'm a sucker for love story ) all of that along side the evolution of video game. The length of the anime is two seasons with 24 episodes in total ( 15+9, yes, it's weird ). It aired on 2018 on Netflix so it's pretty recent and it is adapted from the manga of the same name created by Rensuke Oshikiri.

Animation / visual:
The anime is mostly animated in CGI, not full CGI like could be an anime like Land of Lustrous, there's multiple times where the characters or elements are classically animated, a big part of the animation is is directly taken from video games and the background is drawn most of the time, but the CGI still represent most of the animation. Personally think it looks very good ( coming from a person that think that 90% of the AoT CGI looks amazing, land of Lustrous is the peack of CGI animation, and hate the CGI of YLIA not because how it looks but because how it was used, so it's yours to decide if this opinion count ). The character designe are good, movements are fluid, characters are expressives and it's colorful. I would still admit that sometimes, usually on background characters, movements can looks mechanical and awkward and the lip-syncing can sometimes feels kinda off on those background characters. The backgrounds are simple, nothing stunnig but nothing bad either, but they became very interesting when characters are in a video game arcade because you can see differents iconic games in the background. But, there's one thing that disturb me about the background, the decor element like a wall, an house, a door (...) are usualy drawn with straight lines, but the other half of the time those lines are not straight and makes little waves and it bothered me more than one time. But overall the visual and the animation are very pleasant to watch especially during the op.

Sound / music :
The overall sounds effects are good, I would say it's better in the second season especially when used for comical effect. But the music is something else. The OST is amazing, not my favorite, but it's a great work. Taking a person that worked on video game music before for an anime about video game is a very good choice. There's a lot of very good music, multiple of them sound a lot like music you could found in a video game and the other are the classical piano, violin or other typical instruments that you can ear in most of animes. Those musics are use very well, they accompany perfectly each moment of the anime. One of my favorite track has to be the piano rearrangement of the opening song "new stranger" ( I'm also a sucker for piano ). But talking about the opening.

Opening / ending :
Season one opening is a piece of art. It mix retro style animation, hand-drawn animation and CGI ( which is perfectly smooth during the op ) perfectly. It's colorful, full of gaming reference. Oono hitting Haruo like it's some kind of combo from a fighting game with a car rolling over him as a finisher ( this need contexte ). Both of them seeking each other in arcades ( which is basically what they do during a big part of the anime ). All of this help to create a stunning, original, full of personality opening. And the song "new stranger" has one of my favorite opening instrumental. ( opening, new stranger )
The ending is ... very criptic( i quote "John Lennon was killed" said for no perticular reason ) but also very cute with a lovable art style.
Season 2 op is good, basically do what the first one already did with some echos of elements from the first season. It's not as good as the first one but it's still pretty enjoyable.
Second ending is cool, it have some nice elements but is kinda forgettable.

The video game aspect:
Video game is not just a background elements with little importance, this anime is a love letter to video game, especially retro arcade games. I was surprised by how much I knew about games that I never played but I also learned a lot about them and the history of arcade video game in Japan ( the revolution that was street fighter 2, the 3 never being announced because the 2 keeps getting new version, apparition of 3D fighting game, arcade where considered better than home console at the time ... ). Character evolve and grow up along side video game, and it's interesting to see how it differs from most of other slice of life/romance anime. Usually we follow character along side the season ( summer winter ... ) during one or two years all of this rythmed by events like cultural festival, Christmas, summer festival ... Some of those events happened in High score girl but it's usually to get overshadowed by video games, because this is not the season of the year and those events that gives the rythme of the anime, but the evolution of video game through the years. The anime start with the revolution that is street figther 2, we see the evolution of some franchise like streets of rage, the evolution of home-consoles... Video games really are an important element of the anime and it's not just "let's make a good video game atmosphere" there's a real knowledge about the subject and the history of this media during the 90's.

Character :
I really love the characters. At first, the mains characters may be kinda cliché in their personnalities and it continue following them during the anime but they still have interesting developement. At first, I could say that Haruo suffer from the classic "i take the entire anime to notice I'm in love" and I would agree but also argue that it is more than just that, considering their relation started as a rivalry and the ( awfully relatable ) complex of inferiority Haruo develop at a certain point which I personnaly think makes it more complex then resuming it to "I take the entire anime to notice I'm in love". Ironicaly Oono is the most expressive character despite the fact that she never talks, her thoughts, emotions, sentiment are express through the music, the expression on her face, her actions and the video game characters she imagines talking around her . Hidaka is also a pretty good character with an interesting developement and multiple qualitys flaws in her personality which makes her very appreciable. The relationship between those three is the core of the anime ( along side video games ) and it's truly an interesting love story with good development.Side characters don't have a lot of depth and are usually here for the comedy ( and what a great comedy ) and encouragment speech, but Oono sister, despite being a side character, manage to get some development and some depth and she's the funniest character of the anime, she appears kinda late in the first season but she truly is a nice addition to the cast.

Other notes :
- I love the first episode ( like every episodes ) but I found the execution, the rythme of this particular episode a little too fast in my taste.
-"Gamer don't have girlfriend" 10/10 best anime of all time.
- Episode 3 hit me harder than it should have because I didn't expected it and made me realize the writing was descent enough to makes it an actual interesting love story
.- Some elements hit close to home ( too close ), which mean it's hard for me to be very objective.- Why are mother always the best or one of the best character in anime.
- At one or two moment the series got a little bit too dramatic, it takes itself too seriously, in my taste making those situation just ridiculous. But in general, the anime know when it need to be serious and when it does not need to take itself seriously.
- If you like emotional ending... go for it.
- this ( it's not technically from the anime but it's in it for two minute straight and it's gold )

To conclude, I really love this anime, it's funny, heartwarming and about interesting an subject. If you are not part of the "CGI WILL DESTROY ANIME AND THEN THE WORLD IT HAS TO BE STOPPED BECAUSE IT'S HERESY" fan club and like video games I would really recommend it. The anime is not that popular (I don't wanna go scream "IT'S AN UNDERRATED GEM" ) but it trully deserve a chance. If you've already watched it, what's your opinion on it?
📷

Welcome to your latest 90 Day Fiancé re-crap, where THIRTY MINUTES of fresh content is taffy-pulled into almost two hours, burdening shopkeepers, street artists, and apartment buildings everywhere.
BUT FIRST! Let’s take a moment to revisit this amazing line from Julia:“Fucking cute animals? I hate you.”
With that feeling in mind, Brandon’s parents have just called to order the last meeting of the Rational People’s Club, since their membership will be revoked the minute Brandon’s mom stops crying.
“Honestly, I don’t know how they got membership,” Colt is wearing his lanyard and adjusting his glasses. “They’re really out of control. Someone should call the police. Or find a new Brazilian girlfriend. That was a joke. It’s okay for you to laugh.”
Debbie doesn’t need a lanyard, because she’s clinging to Colt’s. “Do you think there will be a sMother boss fight? What are my chances, Colt?”
“You’ve got this mom,” Colt knows things. “You never even needed backup.”
Both parents order troughs of meat, and dad asks the waitress to make sure there’s not a single goddamn vegetable on that plate or he’s burning that fucking restaurant down to the sign, and then he’s dragging that sign into the fucking desert where he’ll shoot it to death and shit on the embers. The waitress runs, nearly smacking into Brandon as he joins mom and dad on their triad date.
“Did you say triad?” Settle down, Tarik.
Brandon doesn’t bother ordering, because he’s going to have to keep his stomach light if he’s going to outrun his mother. Mom asks if he wants a disposable placemat to color, while dad signals the waitress to bring the kids’ menu. Brandon asks them to pump the brakes, because he’s got some bad news: he’s an adult. That means he needs to set up a love nest for himself and Julia, far, far away from the family’s forced-labor camp.
“No no no no no!” Mom falls to her knees and screams at the sky, prompting the waitress to hustle over with a cold glass of water to throw in her face. “Whyyyyyyyy God and Jesus and dirt worshipper heathen things? Why does my precious pampered baby boy want to waddle out of the tight fist of our love? WINDS! WIIIIIIIINDS!”
The bar patrons scatter, and the waitress scrambles for the bar’s only Thorazine shot.
“Don’t you want a big wedding? Don’t you want to save for a house?” Mom outlines her plans for him to live at home for the next ten years.
Brandon says that part of the problem is the aforementioned cute fucking animals, and the rest is his mother, who insists breast feeding doesn’t have an age limit. Dad is disappointed to not be included in the ultimatum, so he throws a tantrum of his own, rerunning the “pass down the farm for generations” statement, because it’s important to make decisions for your family beyond the grave.
“He has to take control, and give it back to us!” Dad rages. “How about you can’t afford this?”
Brandon: I actually have a job, you guys. Like, besides the farm. Which, have I mentioned, is not my fucking dream?
Mom: I feel like he has to choose between us and her, because we made it that way!
Dad: You’re the man of the house! If I can’t manipulate you into staying with the words “stupid” and “right thing”, I’m going right for your masculinity!
Mom: If I cry enough, will you consider staying if we let you bang one out with Julia under our roof?
Dad: No! Absolutely not! You’re going to have to move out.
Brandon: Ah yes, a return to the beginning of our conversation. I like how you’re thinking, dad.
Dad: No, you’re the head of the house! Agree with me! Agree with me!
Mom: Okay, I’m going to touch the shoulder of the head of the household to indicate I’m about to do whatever the fuck I want.
The parents still don’t have any friends willing to step forward and tell them how batshit bananas they are, so dad has to yell in the parking lot about how Julia shouldn’t get away with being a person, not on his watch, and mom whispers that they just need to go to the compound and recalibrate, because there’s got to be a Stephen King novel with a solution.
Later on, Brandon snaps off Julia’s house arrest bracelet and they leave unsupervised. Julia declares that she likes the bar Brandon’s chosen, and how it’s all there and not outside or at his parent’s house, and she’s eager to learn to play pool. Over a little stick handling, Brandon shares the news that his mom said they could share a room, and Julia won’t have to work on the farm. Julia has met Betty before, and isn’t buying that this is a solution she embraces.
“No way,” Julia declares. “Your mom is like obsess with genitals. She put condom on bedroom door. Covers whole thing, you see, top to bottom. Then she stuff inside of door condom with crickets. CRICKETS. STAY. KITCHEN.”
“Don’t worry,” Brandon assures her. “Once mom starts crying, we’re one confrontation away from a new car.”
“She no say I’m bad girl stealing son? Because other day, I go to bathroom, and there was 200 post-its, all say, ‘Julia bad bad bad bad bad bad bad steal son’. What you think meaning with this?”
“She didn’t say you were a bad girl,” Brandon uses a direct quote loophole.
Julia knows these are her pending in-laws, and it’s really complicated filing a restraining order before citizenship, so she agrees to try this “little fix” short-term. Then she koalas onto Brandon’s body so they can dry hump all the way through the threshold of his childhood bedroom for two.
Big Mike is relieved the visit with mom went well, and mom is relieved that she’s leaving. Mike asks what she thinks of the woman he’d rather not think about, and mom carefully responds,“She tries very hard”. Then she questions whether they want the same things, and hey, how about a sprinkling of green card suspicion?
“Yes. Green card,” Natalie sighs. “I am here for isolation, and $30K in debt.”
Natalie is sad to see her therapist leave, and worries Mike won’t be nice to her the way he is when mom is translating. Later on she wants to pray over dinner, and Mke surrenders.
“Are you there no-god? It’s me, Mike. Please send a comet with a trailing banner explaining my atheism. Shout out to our alien overlords. Check out my cat photos. Click the subscribe button down below. Anemone.”
Natalie is anxious, battling low self-esteem, and grappling with having no one to interact with except for Mike and his closet smell. She tells Mike that everyone is asking about the status of her third wedding, and Mike says that status is that the budget is $27.50, and people should plan to BYOEverything. Mike is eager to escape this revolving door conversation that leaves them marooned in talking about their relationship more than they actually relate.
They head out for a woodsy walk, and as they drive there Mike discover his inner Jovi, and criticizes Natalie’s pre-hike makeup application.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’d be the first person to say she ‘looks tired’ if she wasn’t wearing any makeup,” Mike stereotypes. “She should just know it’s always too much and not enough.”
“My dick is taller than you,”the tree interrupts.
“For you I have embrace!” Natalie hugs the tree, and I’m sorry, this is normal out here. Have you seen PacNW trees? Half of them look like they’re wearing green sweaters. There are Ewoks hiding around here somewhere. She’d better hug that tree.
“Noice,” the tree is into it. “Give my branch a knock and wake up the faeries, if you would.”
“Oh yes very much cat scratch on tree. Meow noises,” Natalie has ideas. “Mike, can you flip me?”
“Like...I do around my dick?”
“Yes, but with clothes.”
Mike gives her a flip, and did I mention this shit should have been lost behind a delete key? Why, 90DF?
“What’s going on in Natalie’s head?” The producers really want to push this “bitches be cray” storyline. “Do you think she’s fucking crazy? What do you think they’re diagnosing her with on Reddit?”
“I don’t know,” Mike says, because he never asks, and can’t check Reddit while his truck is in motion.
The venture to a shop that follows is so exhausting and predictable, I’m just going to make some shit up.
Mike: My balls itch.
Natalie: Do you have smell for balls?
Shopkeeper: Are we talking unclean balls, everyday sweaty balls, or something more moist and jock-itchy?
Natalie: Michael won’t give me ring.
Shopkeeper: So alcoholic balls, got it. Let’s look at this spray called GetOffMy, for Testicles.
Natalie: I will walk into scent cloud. Hmmm. Menthol cigarettes in yellowed paperback. I like your style.
Mike: Do you have anything in sour cream and onion?
Shopkeeper: No.
Mike: How about ranch? You’ve gotta have ranch.
Natalie: What is ranch. Like with horses?
Mike: Yeah, but in a bottle.
Natalie: I do not understand this. I think is beer.
Mike: Goddammit even in this made up shit I can’t escape it.
Natalie: Hello, I am Mike, I want attractive Ukrainian girl who is also not person. Also, bring me all meat in restaurant and 10 alcohols for heart attack.
Shopkeeper: Where are you from?
Natalie: I think she asks me this because of my heavy accent.
Hermione Granger: Who called me here for this?
Mike: Wizards? Oh thank fuck.
Gandalf: Look to the east on the fifth day.
Mike: This is fucking awesome.
Natalie: Michael. Michael. Michael. Wouldn’t wizard look nice at wedding table?
Mike: Dude, did you bring dragons up in this bitch?
Hagrid: Will I do?
Mike: Can you shoot fire? I can’t even remember if you lived or died in the series.
Hagrid: That’s a touch harsh, Harry.
Mike: My name isn’t Harry. What the fuck is going on?
Natalie: Two fancy bottles, he has, for alcohol. Then he wonders why wizards are here.
Tree: Oh, there are wizards here? Let me know which one I’m supposed to trap.
Natalie: Mr. Tree, is like he doesn’t want wedding.
Melanie: Are you interested in a career as a PI, by any chance?
Speaking of booze, Jovi says it’s normal for him to want to have a drink when he’s awake, and hopes to soon be drunk enough to discover the hidden sliver of kindness hiding somewhere in his body. They wander through a street fair, and Yara declares that New Orleans’ street art is tacky, and doesn’t match her refined Pottery Barn and J. Crew taste. She sits down to get some henna, and after a few swirls Yara asks Jovi if he likes it.
“It’s different.” Jovi says, using the secret word for dislike.
“Interesting,” Yara retorts, using the secret word for stupid. Then she says she has something to tell him.
“What, you want to buy something?” Please, Jovi, stop selling yourself so hard.
“I’m pregnant,” she says.
“No you’re not.” Ah, what every woman longs to hear.
Through it all, the brave henna artist carries on with her craft. Way to keep it together when the douchebag levy is about to break. Yara frets that she thought he would be happy about this news, since he was so enthusiastically resigned about it last time.
“I thought I might have children one day. But not with the person I plan to marry.” Okay, Jovi.
“You know, every once in awhile I say that Eminem is the greatest rapper alive, just because,” Jovi wants us to know what he’s about. “No, I don’t listen to any other music. Why would I need other music? I also make fun of drug addicts while I’m drunk, because I’m just That Guy. Have you seen this video where this guy is talking about how he’s on a boat? Soooo funny.”
“I mean, will the real slim shady please stand up, amirite?” Looks like Colt got out of his cage.
“Did someone say prison?” Brandon’s dad isn’t done. “DON’T LET HER PLAY A BARGAINING CHIP.”
Jovi says that his muted enthusiasm stems from Yara’s habit of faking pregnancy. Yara says he’s exaggerating this, and that she did this like only once and confessed after ten minutes. I feel like these two crazy kids are really gonna make it.
Jovi insists Yara take another pregnancy test while she gives him a golden shower. After doing so she runs the test under water, in case it got extra baby on it. When the test comes out negative, Yara is upset because she knows she’s pregnant, because she remembers the feeling. Jovi is too busy feeling relieved and freshly urinated upon, and then Yara says she wants to take a third test. Back into the bathroom they go, Jovi closely monitoring urine transfer, and this test comes out positive. Faced with 2/3 evidence, Jovi is ready to offer a half-assed apology and the same level of enthusiasm often found in a jury duty room. Jovi shrugs, and kicks sand in a toddler’s face.
“I like to remind people why the North won the war,” he says, answering the lingering question.
Yara doesn’t know what this means for their future and wonders about his job, and Jovi insists there’s “no reason to think ahead,” which fits a lot of seasons of Love After Lockup. Yara admits she isn’t ready, but it’s already in her stomach, and abortion doesn’t exist on television.
Ryan and Stephanie are together for the first time in 10 months, and Steph is eager to make Ryan wish it were 10 months longer. Steph is concerned that her dick-on-demand didn’t immediately drop trou and salute her arrival. She insists that this isn’t to underscore what she believes he owes her, but for “bonding”.
“You could have just like, had sex with me for two or three minutes,” The intro of this R&B song is a little weird. “I wouldn’t even mind a quickie. For the bonding.”
“You keep saying you’re not into bondage,” Ryan tries to get on the same page. “But if you’ve changed your mind, here’s a nice ball gag for you to try on...”
“I mean, it was four times a night when I was here almost a year ago, and nothing changes,” Steph has so many concerns.
“She just wants her seks,” Danielle, OG 90DF cougar, answering the call.
If you’ve made it this far into the recap without suffering contact embarrassment, you didn’t read the Jovi section closely enough. But Steph is done drinking the blood of virgins and is ready to draw a dramatic reaction out of Ryan by looking back on the time she fucked his cousin.
“Sometimes you throw the grenade. Other times you pull the pins from all the grenades in your vest and run at your relationshit,” Ryan breaks it down. “For us, Stephanie is the grenade, and I’m bored. So I’m just going to lay here and disassociate while she smolders.”
“He offered to come over cause I was crying so hard,” Steph blubbers. “And he said he could offer up his dick for the bonding moment. You know how I feel about bonding.”
“Yeah, I already knew that shit,” Ryan briefly checks in as he remembers why he checked out. “And I never bonded that hard with anyone else. Not a true bond.”
Steph is flabbergasted, since she clearly thought this would be the high octane meltdown of her dreams. I mean, this is the part of the romance novel where they break up, but do they? Do they really? Ryan says that he’s over it when it comes to Stephanie, and that his cousin is dead to him, which he emphasizes when it’s obvious she gets a boner from his anger. Ryan requests they close the issue, but Steph insists he’s holding something back, because she really wants him to be the Edward.
The gods gave Amira beauty and the price was luck, obviously. Andrew’s too distracted to talk to Amira about her experience, and when he calls he makes a point of telling her he’s having a kick-ass time, parasailing and doing backflips off the balcony into the pool. Amira thinks that this might be an inappropriate response while your fiancé is suffering, but Andrew tries not to let societal pressures get to him.
Andrew could have addressed their visa issues by getting Amira out of detention, or putting another plan in motion immediately, but that would interrupt his vacation, and his concern is only performative. He gifts Amira concerned face, and tells her that the last idea he had that didn’t work is the only idea he has, except this time 4chan is recommending Serbia. Of course, Andrew won’t be going, because there aren’t any beach resorts in Serbia. Amira says she’s going to think about it, because she hasn’t spent enough time in America to know the phrase ‘go fuck yourself’ yet.
“I fell like it is endless,” Amira says. “It will never stop. But I don’t want to lose Andrew.”
“Hello Amira, I see you are brown girl,” Look at you, Hazel! “Yes, this is my type. Would you like to be best friends, sisters, and lovers?”
“What is happening? I have a shock,” Amira better get used to that.
“I’m gonna take a lot of pictures, so I can make a slide show of all the things you missed. Bye!” Andrew signs out.
Later on she meets up with her friend Xavier, who is as concerned about Amira as all of us at home. He manages to hold on to a straight face while she reports that Andrew continues to enjoy himself in Mexico, in what was supposed to be a 14 day quarantine, and is now a super-spreader event.
“It’s an abomination, really,” Amira’s friend Xavier speaks for all of us.
Amira knows she should move on, but it’s her dream to go to America. She says that the people who support her relationship with Andrew now number zero, and she’s not sure a green card is enough to justify that math.
Zied has been stateside for a few days, and he and Rebecca are settling in, trying to decide when to trot out the manufactured drama of living in the only apartment building in Georgia. The wait is over, as former boss Melanie arrives to demonstrate what happens when haircuts come alive.
“Melanie, Head PI, Karen Division,” she introduces the shit out of herself. “Not to be racist, but Rebecca’s ex = all brown men. If I have to repeat myself twice to your foreign ass, my tone will change from rogue PTA president to mall security guard. Like that.” She tries to snap her fingers, but her sweaty palms make her fingers slip, and Melanie blames the invading immigrant hoarde.
Melanie asks WTF Zied has been doing with his time during the three fucking days he dare set foot on American soil. Zied reports that they watched a movie, got their fuck on, and hey, he’s been there three days. This is overachieving in pandemic times.
“You’re not here for vacation, this is it! If I went to a foreign I’d bootstraps ball running flag freedom, USA. I’ll complain about you stealing a job from a real American later,” Melanie PI, Immigration Expert.
“He can’t work for 90 days. That makes hitting the ground running a little pointless,” Rebecca is going to try to logic this, but that didn’t work out well with her family, either.
“I’m not allowed to rational anymore, but I still like yelling,” Dad has escaped the Brandon compound.“I mean, come on, Zied! YOU’RE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.”
“Maybe I like to take care of my man,” Rebecca is really just talking to herself here.
“Weren’t you in the apartment down the hall?” Melanie dramas. Whomp-whomp.
Zied is confused by this, and Rebecca is upset, and starts crying because all her friends suck, and Zied worries and comforts her. This presentation of affection isn’t enough to destroy Melanie. Zied, however, is done. “I don’t care if ex Rebecca stay here before. I’m with Rebecca, this is my time. Fuck everything.” There you go, Zied.
Melanie explains that she just has her guard up for the relationship she doesn’t know and isn’t a part of, so that’s a way to pass the time. Rebecca hugs Melanie, and says her behavior is “bordering” on disrespectful, if by border you mean a shitty fence. Melanie gives Zied a half-assed apology, and he disappears to shower her scent away.
“Being a private investigator for the google, I know some red flags,” Melanie can’t stop won’t stop. “The biggest red flag is happiness. It’s gonna take the full three months for me to realize they don’t care about my opinion,”
Tarik gets a notification that the governor has shut down Virginia, and the producer screams “RUN!” and everyone falls all over the boom mics to reach the van first, the gaffer rolling across the hood and the camera person clinging to the roof, before they peal away, leaving the producer behind. Later, the crew returns to filming, and Tarik brings Hazel to his bedroom to discuss the many different cultures he’s fetishized, and how they can get their triad popping again. Hazel says that growing up she had to hide her preferences, especially after her sister (who is also bi) came out of the closet. Her parents are pissed, but Hazel is feeling kinda free, and ready to resume hunting for a girlfriend.
They go online lady shopping based on body type and physical appearance, and Hazel insists that she be his type, because let’s face it, Minty was for Tarik. Tarik says his only request is for his daughter to remain isolated from their lifestyle, which Hazel is good with, and they upload their profile, and wait.
Next time: Andrew details his tropical suffering, a younger woman tests the red in Rebecca’s hair, Hazel talks to her son, Mike reluctantly goes to counseling to report he never lets anything go, Jovi can’t stop sucking or he’ll drown, and his friends are exactly as attractive as he is, and Steph is so salty about being denied theater that she’s ready to trot out the job sponsor nugget on the back of a psychic.
Thank you, Patreon supporters!

Alright you lovely lot of people, story time.
A little bit of back round on myself. I am 37 years young. Introverted as hell, but it hasn't stopped me from accomplishing a lot in my life. I enjoy history, classic cinema/music, literature and I've always preferred the company of a select few over a crowd of people, as people friggin' drain me with inane nonsense a majority of the time. Yet, I've always believed in being there for people, no matter what. Your family, your friends, total strangers if the case arises. That's what being a human being is. Treat others how you would like to be treated and all that jazz. I also know, that nobody is perfect, and everyone has their struggles, especially now.
Now onto the relationship that made me go monk again.
Since 2018 I've been taking care of my elderly grandmother who suffered from dementia, that we didn't know she had at the time but suspected. I was working odd jobs on the side while I could and helping my grandfather as he owns a company that he still works for to this day at 80+. He has always been an inspiration to me and I only hope I could be half the man he is at his age. During this time, taking care of my grandmothefather I would mainly do it alone, because I was the single guy (by choice ) with nothing else better to do. And I didn't mind. I enjoy the company of the elderly since they seem to appreciate the simpler things in life, such as life itself, once they start getting older.
During this time I would spend most of my day making sure my grandmother was okay. She had her routines. She enjoyed swimming at 80+ going into a hot tub religiously for longer than she should. And enjoyed talking on the phone! Who would have thought! My grandmother was addicted to the phone as far back as I can remember. She had 30 ft extension lines to the old school rotary phones back in her house when I was a child, so she could walk around the house talking. As a young child you notice these things, but think nothing of it, because you were too busy watching Pee-Wee's playhouse, or The Real Ghostbusters, or outside playing with your friends (yes this was a thing) reading comics, playing with G.I.Joes and learning how to use your first swiss army knife.
My grandmother practically raised me since my mom was busy working as a child. I never met my real father once in my life as he was apparently a real scum bag. I found out he died a few years back and felt sad I never met him, but had no memories of him, so it didn't last long. So back to my grandmother. Her dementia had taken hold and she slowly started forgetting things. She'd forget where she put things, her credit cards, her purse, her tv remote. And then would get angry. If she couldn't find something, or thought she lost something, especially her phone, she would lose her shit. I know this was because of the dementia, but I had seen this before. I had seen this as a child, as a young man, and as grown male. A woman losing something, then losing her sh*t. I've seen the same from men as well. But with the phone, it's like losing your contact to the outside world. You have FOMO. You feel like you're nobody if you're not in on the conversation. I've seen this before. More so in women, then men. The phone had become a lifeline to other people, to other people's lives, and my grandmother would use it to call me nonstop to help her with things. Fix the television (that she couldn't figure out anymore) show her how to print pictures off facebook ( I hate social media) and how to cook the food I cook for her and my grandfather. Stupid stuff, but I would compromise my time, because who else was going to do it? My Parents have lives, my siblings have lives, and my grandfather still works to this day. So someone had to "Man Up" because nobody else would.
I would spend entire portions of my day with her, taking her places, making sure she ate alright, take her grocery shopping, get gas in her car (she still drove before the dementia was diagnosed) and show her how to use modern technology even if I hated doing so. It was just too much for her mind. Just like modern women. The stimulation is too much. Too many thoughts of other people contaminating your mind with nonsense. I would cook dinner for her and my grandfather or get take out food and come back to their house and watch a film or two with them almost every night. I'd watch my grandfather and grandmother both smile and cry over old school films they hadn't seen in years, and I would do so in return. It took me back to being a child. Watching films with them when I was a young boy. My grandmother was a VHS collector and in turn made me appreciate them and as hobby I would collect them over the years and DVDS/Blu-rays and such. I also would find and sell out of print copies of movies and video games/CDs to supplement my income. So every day after taking care of my grandmother and enjoying her and my grandfather's time, I slowly started thinking, I wish I had someone who would actually enjoy my company as much as they enjoy mine, and I enjoy theirs. Someone with an old soul. Someone who didn't enjoy modernity and wanted simpler things, and enjoyed simpler times.
Skip to July 2019. By now I'm at my grandparents house every morning at 5:30 to 6 am, to take care of my grandmother. Her dementia has grown increasingly bad. She yells all the time at me, my grandfather, whomever. Her need to call people on the phone and try to get them to take her to places and do things she use to do when she was healthier had me beyond stressed. My grandfather, stubborn as he is, didn't know what to do, and continued to go to work, leaving me alone with my grandmother all day. Eventually my mother starts to help me take over afternoons and I come back at nights to do the routine movie, dinner, tuck into sleep etc. This way I can take care of my life and not go completely insane. I had taken up smoking cigarettes again after a five year kick. I was mentally drained. I needed to get out. I had been single for 8 years. No dating. No Mating. I was a monk from my last relationship and decided I was better off alone. But I needed someone. Everyone does from time to time. We also try to get a nurse aid to come and help with my grandmother so I can continue with my life and not be there all day and night. It doesn't work.
Skip to September 2019.
Early morning. I get to my grandparents house and my grandfather is red in the face, saying my grandmother is cussing him out, going nuts on him. I've seen this before. I go inside. Try to talk to her. I get called all sorts of things. It's okay, I can take it. I have before. Things get worse. Mom and Stepdad try to come over and help. No help. Grandmother starts to get hostile and pushy/ throwing things. My grandfather says to call the EMS for her to take her to the hospital. I'm the one to do it. We go to the hospital, Doctors say she has a possible UTI making her act out this way. I'm a hot mess smoking cigarettes outside. I realize then our dog has been home all day and probably hasn't been outside. My parents owned a dog who I had taken care of for years as well. I had to live with my folks due to past surgeries and basically having to restart my life over twice from it. I tell my mother I'll run back to their house and let him out. My younger brother is with me. We get home, and my dog is walking around funny. He walks over to his water bowl, and starts drinking and drinking and drinking. He wouldn't stop. I was worried right away. Then he was outside....Vomiting. In the grass. Didn't look good at all. My brother calls my mother, tells her what's going on. They rush home, then take my car to rush our dog to the VET 45 minutes away. I sit and wait. I get a call. It's my younger brother. He tells me our dog has passed away. I break down as a man would when he loses his best friend. That was the start of the heartache.
Days pass. My grandmother has been diagnosed with Stage 3 Dementia. My Grandfather and mother make the decision she needs to be in a nursing home full time. I am crushed. I never thought they would do that to her. She had been so kind to everyone her whole life and her house was her home, her peace. She was extremely extroverted and loved to be outside and talking to people. Running for people, doing for people. I suspect some of it was for praise, but my grandmother was a genuine good soul. Now she was going to spend the rest of her days in a home. And I would visit her everyday, and listen to her tell me everyday "I'm coming home tomorrow, You come pick me up and we'll be okay!" I would internally die a little inside hearing this, and I'd say "Yes, I will be here tomorrow for you!" knowing damn well she'd never leave that place. My grandfather and mother insisted that if she left, she'd be inclined to go home and it would be worse off. I just wanted my grandfather to realize he had to stop and take care of her. Not let some strangers take care of her. Not letting her be around friends in her own house. But in the end, I know I couldn't have taken care of her by myself.
Skip to October 2019.
I've accepted that my life is completely different now, and I've lost a great deal in a short time. I was coping with a lot. I visited my grandmother every day in the nursing home. I was still helping with my grandpa, still earning money, and still trying to have a life. I create a online dating account. It reminds me why I hate social media. The filters. The faces. The bios all sounding the same. Then I come across one. She's an older woman, but looks great for her age. Says she is Introverted (awesome) and enjoys Horror films (Great!) and a few other details I enjoyed. She was also a Goddess, according to her and her tattoo. I message her something and immediately get a message back! Whoa. We chat a bit, I tell her what I'm into, but also tell her currently what is going on in my life. We seem to hit it off pretty quick, and the next thing I know we have a date. Date night comes, and I get a call from my grandmother. It's a bad night for her, and then for me after dealing with an hour conversation or so about wanting to come home. This was an everyday thing for me. So I called my date up and asked if I could postpone or I could possibly go somewhere closer to where we lived since she only lived a few minutes away from me. She agreed I could buy her a starbucks coffee at 9pm on a friday night and bring it to her. I didn't want to starbucks so I stopped at a gas station and got her an ICED Starbuck coffee. Good enough right? It was. I meet her. She's pretty awesome right off the start. Asks me about my day and I ask her about hers. Tell her about my grandmother and why I had to postpone. Says she understands and thinks I'm pretty great for what I do. We make out almost immediately, and I could have gotten more, but I didn't want sex. I wanted companionship. Someone to talk to. So we just made out cuddled and watched The Joker. I leave at like 4 in the morning, she tells me to text her when I get home. I do, emojis hearts and all that silly fluff. Days later we're hanging out again, doing the same stuff. She wants to clearly have sex. I don't give it up because I want to find out who this girl is. RED flags ignored from her wanting me early on.
I start to ignore her because I feel like If I give her too much attention I'll seem clingy. She still insists on hanging out almost every other night. So we do. Eventually one night, we make love. A few times. She seems to enjoy it and I did too. After 8 years of not having sex, it's nice, but nothing is nicer than having someone next to you who (pretends) to care about you after the act is done. I start to stay over, as I would usually leave early in the morning, and she gets use to that. I get use to it. Things feel good.
My grandmother calls me everyday still. Tells me how great I am, and that she wants to come home and for us to watch movies etc. (For someone with dementia she had a great memory still) And it would eat me up inside, but I knew she was safer there, than she would be with me, but I always regret being the one who called the EMS to have her put away. It slowly would eat away at me.
December 2019
After being with my girlfriend for a couple of months I finally ask her to go STEADY. Yep, I'm lame. She asked me what that meant? I told her. A committed relationship. A couple. She said I was lame, but she accepted. I even started to use the L word again with her. It was odd telling someone you loved them after not doing it for so long. Then one day, my grandmother called me. She was blaming me for not being there all the time, etc, even though I was the only one there, visiting her every single day. It just made me snap. I quit working for my grandfather. I went off on him and my mother for allowing this. I said they had no idea how this made me feel for being the one who locked my own grandmother up, trying to do the right thing. It didn't matter. Nobody listened. So I broke something. I broke a window and I was kicked out. I was sleeping in my car. I didn't care. I didn't even tell my girlfriend till later that night. She told me to come over and I could stay with her. So I did. We talked, I told her about everything how I felt, just needed someone to listen to me for once, instead of being the one always listening. And she did. She said I could stay with her till I sort things out. During this time we really grow to love each other, finish each other's movie quotes. I taught her survival skills, how to prep for disasters, end of the world shit. Etc. She thought I was goofing around, I was serious. I read disaster books and study history so I know where we are headed in our current state. She bragged to her friends and family about me. It felt good to feel appreciated. Then suddenly, Corona comes around.
Jan - Feb 2020
Things are doing good, I'm helping fix up the girlfriends house. She works and lives as an onsite manager at her job, so It was definitely something to get use to. I bought her all sorts of things she needed for her place, it looked like someone's place who ate out dinner every night and rarely cooked for herself. For I helped make it feel more like a home. We went shopping to get new plants for the house, furniture that I would have to move and or put together. We would talk all the time about our plans for the future etc. I eventually got a new job, but then I lost it, as the lockdowns began.
March 2020
The lockdowns have started. The masks have started. The prepper in me knows this is not good. The girlfriend doesn't really see it as anything major. Until 2 weeks, became a meme. Even then she didn't see it. She remained an essential worker throughout all this, meanwhile I watched people I knew working jobs for 30+ years lose them due to this pandemic. I eventually built her a proper pantry and filled it up with food and water for her. I spent hundreds, thousands on stuff for her to keep her safe and have her set up in case something happened. Solar panels, portable power stations. You name it. She finally realized I was serious about this, and about her, and about US. She would post pictures of the things I gave her claiming she was now a "Survivalist" etc. It was cute. Women are cute. Things seemed well. I wasn't working, still looking but wasn't working full time, but could still pull money in from doing side jobs and selling collectibles. While she worked. I cooked, I cleaned, I did the dishes, the laundry (all by hand because none of her appliances worked) I helped fix things in her place. Fix her car tires, fix the problems on her new car she bought (Without me going to look at with her) and ultimately did alot of work at her job, for free, to help her out. She enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. I thought
July 2020
By now the quarantine has gotten to people. I'm use to being inside and alone and not going out all the time so it's not too bad to me. For my girlfriend, like others, it is. They miss going out. They miss their social lives. They're all on their phones way too much now. Searching for SOMETHING. Meanwhile, I've created a spare bedroom at my girlfriends place, because she snores, and I couldn't sleep most nights with her. Terrible I know. I also have insomnia so it was vital I get at least a couple hours of sleep a night to keep my sanity. So one night after spending time with the woman, making love etc, I tell her I'm going to crash in the other room so she can get some sleep, and I can as well. Kiss goodnight etc. I walk in a couple times in our bedroom to check on her, she puts her phone down immediately and I ignore it. Then I can't shake something. I'm just thinking she's talking to someone etc. I didn't want to be that guy and ask her for her phone. So I did something that wouldn't get me into trouble. I installed the dating app we used to meet back in October. I get online and start looking for women her age in my area. Boom. See her profile. New pictures. Single. New Bio. I lose my poop. I burst into the bedroom and go off on her. I say what the f are you doing? Call her names. Yell. Then I grab my stuff, pack up everything. Takes me 5 hours or so to do this at 1 in the morning, and take about 7 trips in my little car to and from her places and my parents. At this point I'm just beyond pissed and upset and start drinking and smoking heavily.
A couple days later, we talk, I apologize (stupid of me I know) for flipping out. She said she just felt lost and confused etc. Same ol' trite. We get back together. Make love, and eventually I come back. Things feel weird, but I'm glad to have her back in my life. I truly love this woman and would do anything for her. Then, this changed everything. Her sister, age 50, alcoholic, divorced multiple times, dating multiple men, moves in with us. Yep. 3 people in a tiny apartment. Living together. Doomed from the start.
Her sister claimed her mother whom she was living with, had bed bugs and had to come stay with us. I said okay. Turns out it was permanent. This b*tch took over my spare bedroom I made. And then I even helped her set up an office in their so she could work from home, while drinking all day like an alcoholic. Good times. So now I was dating a woman, and dealing with her sister's bullsh*t. I had to listen to her about her failed life, her men that she didn't need, yet was constantly monkey branching from one to the other. I will admit this lifestyle was not one I am accustomed too. I'm a white male, and my girlfriend was african american. So I had to listen to her talk bad about men, her own family behind their back, etc, all day. Whilst I was busy cooking, cleaning, doing EVERYTHING neither of them would do, all the while trying to find a new job during a pandemic. Meanwhile neither of two really understand what was going on. Just as long as they had their job, and their booze. I slowly started to realize this woman was never going to leave my life. She wanted to cling to little sister to drink and tell her all her problems, especially about MEN. This really put me off, seeing as I was man, who was helping take care of their asses. I was buying groceries, with little money I had, and then her sister would continue to eat, drink, and rarely contribute to our household. The only thing she would contribute was BOOZE and that was after she would drink most of the stuff I had bought. I didn't sign up for this. And everyday, I still had to deal with this, and talk to my grandmother, and try to find a job whilst being a house maid.
September 2020
It's my girlfriend's sister's birthday. The pandemic has made everyone crazy by now. Including my girlfriend, her family etc. I'm cool as a cucumber. Except it's 103F degrees outside. I'm grilling out for a small group of her family for her sister, and I'm outside for hours, prepping for her sister, with my girlfriend, waiting on her sister to get to the park we had planned it for. What was she doing? Getting drunk, letting us do all the work for her, meanwhile her friends were showing up to her own party that she wasn't at. Ridiculous. So I grill out for hours, nobody says thanks other than my girlfriend. She tells me "Thanks for being so great, you're so great." I like to think I have been great. Turns out I got dehydrated from being outside in the heat all day and ended up getting sick. Went home and to bed. Girlfriend doesn't console me, instead has some family members and friends come over from the party, to get loud and drink. No consideration for my health. A day or two later, I get in huge fight with girlfriend saying she didn't give a d*mn about my health what I did for her and her sister etc. End up packing up all my stuff once again, and leaving. I was done. I signed up for a girlfriend not a girlfriend and a sister. If her sister was hot maybe, but not the case. I was done. I thought. But alas, we talked, she apologized, I apologized (again stupid of me) and we got back together.
October 2020
My favorite month. I love Halloween. So much I helped decorate my girlfriends place with stuff, and she said she never did this in her life. She had a bad childhood, and I don't think she ever really did FAMILY stuff that didn't evolve drinking or getting high etc. She really enjoyed it. We watched horror films all month, and she seemed genuinely happy. I was happy. Not with the living situation, but happy with her, and happy with life. I was still dealing with my grandmother. Not being able to see her thanks to the lockdowns had really put a damper on my spirit, but I never showed it around my girlfriend. She knew or claimed to know how much my grandmother means to me. But I don't think she ever understand what I really did for her or put up with just to help others. Everyday having to retell my grandmother why I couldn't visit her because of the pandemic, something she couldn't comprehend. It was killing me slowly again inside, but I dealt with it, because that's what men do.
Nov-Dec 2020
Things had been going well. I had been putting in job applications with no luck, but I was still keeping busy, hadn't let this pandemic crush my soul completely. My girlfriend was becoming more and more stressed, and drinking more and more. I was too. I also started to resent my girlfriend for leaving a mess every single day. It would take me 4 to 6 hours a day to cook breakfast and bag it for the girlfriend, clean the dishes, clean the house, vacuum, take care of the cats, make her lunch, do the laundry, clean the dishes again, rinse and repeat. It became exhausting. Her and her sister would just get drunk and spill something every single night. I would step into something sticky and it would drive me absolutely mad. Like living with children rather than grown up. Whatever, I love this girl, right? I'd do anything for her. She found a kitten end of November too. Rescued him when it was cold outside and we took him in. I loved the little sh*t and our other cat more than anything after losing my dog a year ago. Older cat would sleep with me in bed, and the little one I'd let out and play with in the day and he'd bite and claw me. How I miss that. My girlfriend however had grown distant. I noticed it more and more. She slept on the couch with one cat. I slept in our bedroom with another. Her sister was constantly interrupting us and putting a strain on our relationship. My sleeping pattern was changing and my insomnia was getting worse again. But I still loved this woman right?
Most of December though, we do alright. We talk about Christmas plans etc. I get her gifts that she says "Are the best gifts EVER" and a one year anniversary ring and she took them to her families house for Christmas to show off, and tell everyone how great her boyfriend was. She never met my family. I tried to get her to come to family events even during this CRISIS. Never met my family other than my brother and cousin. That's cool though right? I love this girl. Christmas day, I call my grandmother. Wish her a merry Christmas. Tell her I love her. She says merry christmas and I can't wait to see me again and come home. It kills me. Five days later my grandmother passed away. After being told she was sent to the hospital and would be okay, I got the call at about 9:45 pm from my brother saying she had passed. I had just fallen asleep from a long day, and this nightmare was not one I was prepared for. I immediately started crying and my girlfriend hugs me, askes if there is anything she can do. I say no. I leave to my grandparents house, and we all just cry. I don't get back home till 2 in the morning. She barely says anything to me. Rubs my shoulder, and I cry myself to sleep.
My grandmothers funeral was January 5th. I have missed talking to her every single day. My girlfriend sees me walking around like a zombie. I feel lost. She doesn't even try to console me. I cry every morning to myself while making her breakfast. I never let her see me cry. My girlfriend didn't goto the funeral because she had to work, and then tried to say I never asked her to come to the funeral after I told her I didn't know the funeral date till after her work schedule was made. Girlfriend seems more cold than ever to me. I needed my best friend she claimed to be. Just one day out of the past year I needed her for emotional support. Nope.
My girlfriend's birthday is a day after my grandmother's funeral. I get my girlfriend a birthday cake, and some gifts. She barely cares. I'm depressed as hell. She DOESN'T care. She says she wants to go out for her birthday etc. I'm depressed as hell. Have a lip/mouth infection that I tell her about, she dismisses it and just says I need to see a doctor. Thanks babe. That night she goes out. I don't go with her. Says she went to bar or some shit. I don't remember nor car. Comes home piss drunk, I don't care. For a week she ignores me. Doesn't ask how I'm doing. Nothing. I still continue my routine. Cleaning cooking, etc. She says he wants to go out again on a sunday for her birthday. I said you already had your birthday. Doesn't matter. She celebrates it all month apparently. She askes me to go with her I decline saying I'm not in the mood but to go enjoy herself. She leaves at 3 in the afternoon, dressed sexy as hell, doesn't come home till 10:30 at night from the "Bar." I stay up all night waiting for her to get home, she's p*ss drunk again, and I just goto bed. A couple night's later We have dinner watch a movie, everything seems okay again. I'm nodding off in the chair in the living room, because I haven't slept proper in weeks. I goto bed. I wake up 30 minutes later to her drunk sister and her laughing being loud. I text her to keep it down please. Didnt happen. An hour later. I text her again. Keep it down! She says she's trying and it's her sister. I said tell her to be quiet then. Continues to another hour. Can't sleep. Depressed. Angry. Tell her to please shut the f up! Girlfriend says okay. Text me back saying her other sister and brother in law will be here on saturday for her birthday (how many f*cking birthdays do you get!) and they will be loud so I should probably go back to my parents house. A house I haven't been in in a over a year. I said fine, I'm leaving in the morning. Packed my stuff up. Left. Didn't talk to her all day that day. Text her at night. She never answered. Called her. She kept making up excuses not to talk to me. I've seen this before. She then calls me at midnight saying she can talk. I say I'm going to bed. She breaks up with me the next day over text. Not like an adult. Over a text.

I lost it. I freaking lost it.She said I wasn't bringing anything to our relationship, and seeing me act how I act over the loss of my grandmother was making her think I was a sinking ship basically. I said how can you be so cold? 3 weeks ago I was the best boyfriend ever. Now this. Betrayed. Stabbed in an already broken heart. I tried to talk to her. Why? She screwed me over? I loved her. I loved her. But what I didn't love was what she pretended to be. I realized she never cared about me or what was going on in my life. It was always about her and her family. So what did I do? I lost my shit. I blew up her phone and wanted to make her feel the betrayal and pain she gave me. I just lost my grandmother and this b*tch had the nerve to say I was the problem? And she made me believe I was. After all I did for her, and put up for with her and her crazy sister and family. I tried to talk to her and she ignored me. For a year and a half living with and loving this woman, and her feeding me bullsh*t whilst never asking for anything in return other than companionship. I lost her. I lost my cats. I lost my grandmother. All in a couple weeks. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt and the pain she had brought me. After her ignoring me, I finally got drunk and went back to our place to see she had a party going on. She was celebrating her birthday and the removal of me from her life. That is how it felt. To see the woman you loved, who you just gave an anniversary ring to, then stare at you like a total stranger whilst she is intoxicated and you're standing there looking like a emotional trainwreck. I just wanted answers as to why she would do this to me? It didn't matter at that point. It was over. And we both let it out on each other. I tried apologizing like an idiot. Just made it worse for me. She gave up along time ago. And now I'm just trying to put myself back together. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just work and drive and smoke cigarettes now. And she doesn't care. And never did. She's already moved on, loves her new life, new boyfriend I'm sure of. I should have seen the red flags. But didn't. Stay safe out there.

Fin

INT. WERK ROOM
The queens trickle back into the werk room, only seven of them remaining. There’s an obvious difference in the group’s energy now that u/Breszn has sashayed away.
“I thought she was gonna go all the way” Yogi sadly sighs, taking off her UFO fascinator and setting it down as her workstation.
“We’re all gonna miss her” John sighs. “When she got eliminated this competition started to get really real, you know? Like she’s such a legend but if even she got thrown for a loop by the challenges, it could easily be any of us next.”
“Ugh, enough of the sad sap stuff. Let’s focus on the positives! Like u/soupcereal getting her second fucking win bitch!”
The girls applaud and clap for Soup who smiles. “Thanks guys. I really didn’t expect to win two challenges this early on in the competition. The judges seem to really be responding well to my unique sense of humor”
“Nepotism!” u/FreedomWillowTree barks.
“What?” Yogi responds, raising one eyebrow up in the air.
“It’s all nepotism! Soup is doing so well while some of us aren’t acknowledged no matter how hard we work!”
“Oh Free, that’s called favoritism. Nepotism is something different entirely” Dollar laughs. “How else do you think Elizabeth Garrison got the role of Matilda in the 8th grade over me? Her Mother was the theater director. Now THAT’S nepotism.”
“Well at least you weren’t Tree number 3!” Cre sobs. “And it feels like that all over again tonight! I was so happy about my look and commentary, and the judges hated it. I wish that I could have a do over. Like, if you had the chance to change your look… Would ya?”
“Probably” Free sighs grimly. “But whatever! I’m over it.”
Talking Head: u/TelevisionHeaven, “I can tell that Miss Free is beginning to lose it. She’s been in the bottom every episode, and the fact that she was brought back makes it worse. As a friend I’m concerned, but as a viewer I enjoy the emotional trauma!”
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SPOILED DRAG RACE DRAG RACE

TONIGHT WITH SPECIAL GUEST u/ErikaGenerika !!!

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INT. WERK ROOM
It’s a new day, and the queens walk back in out of drag. Nothing new, nothing changed. Everyone’s really depressed without Bre there. The girls all sit in different parts of the werk room dejectedly. The camera men sit there filming, occasionally glancing at each other wondering what was going on. One of the producers comes in and asks Free to ask a question to TV, but she refuses. Finally, the painful silence is broken.
OOOOOOH GIRL, SHE ALREADY DONE HAD HERS-SES!
Grot appears on the TV screen. “Hello my sickening seven! Are you ready to serve another da- wait why do you all look so depressed? Ugh, whatever. Anyway today we’re gonna be doing snatch game. I think we all know what that is at this point. It’ll be hosted by the hilarious u/KingKabs! Choose your characters wisely! And, PLEASE don’t be Millie Bobby Brown.
---
The queens begin screaming and wailing in abject terror. They knew this day would come, but it seems far too soon.
Then u/KingKabs walks into the werk room in a Klein Epstein and Parker suit.
“Hello, hello, hello!” Kabs roars. The queens all jump up in down feigning excitement for this unexpected visitor.
Kabs walks over to Dollar, who is sitting at a table with a mousy brown wig.
“Hello Dollar! Who are you planning on playing for the snatch game?” Kabs enquires.
Dollar puts on the wig and flares her nostrils. “Can you tell yet?” She smirks.
“Uh…. No?” Kabs responds.
Dollar slumps dejectedly. “Ugh, fine. I’m doing Patti Lupone. She’s a theatrical legend, so I really wanted to channel her energy for such an important challenge.”
“Bitch, why you playing a character ain’t nobody know! You should be Joe Biden! People know him.” Satisfied, Kabs daintily gallops away from Dollar’s workstation.
Talking Head: u/missforadollar, “I’m really starting to worry about my character choice, but I didn’t bring any backups. That’s show biz for ya’!”
Kabs then walks over to John who has an assortment of wigs around his station, as well as expensive clothes. “Hm…. From what I’m seeing, I feel like you might be planning on being Moira Rose!”
“That’s right!” John smiles. “Snatch game is a warm bottle of milk, and let’s just say bebeh is hungry!”
Kabs cackles so hard he pisses his new Klein Epstein & Parker pants. “Well I’m a huge fan of Schitt’s Creek, so I’m extremely excited to see your Moira. Alright, thank you John!” Kabs crouches on all fours and dashes out of the werk room. A small yet assured smile dons John’s face as she continues to flat iron one of her wigs.
Kabs trots on over to an empty desk, tired from all the labored walking he has done in just 35 seconds, and asks Soup and Tv to make there way on over to him.
"So dolls, what are you snatch game choices for me?"
"Well I figured it'd be easier to show you rather than tell!" Soup proclaims before pivoting on his right foot to ruveal the tackiest Ethika mens underwear with the phrase 'News!' written over them.
"Oh I have a feeling you're doing Honey Davenport. Actually, I'm certain! A cloud of discomfort has appeared over top of my head!" Kabs looks over at Tv begging for any degree of alleviation.
"I'm going to be the Duo Lingo Owl so I hope you're ready for a litany of reminders to finish your French coursework!" Tv interjects, hungry to impress the forlorn Kabs.
"Well now I'm terrified of Sir Bussy Davenport and ready to fall into a depression nap over uncompleted French quizzes! Thank you, I am brimming with dissatisfaction!" Kabs props himself back up, eager to rid himself of the rest of the girls terrible decisions!
Talking Head: u/soupcereal, "I have a feeling me and TV are royally fucked if this is how he's responding to the werk room portrayal..."
"Oh and ladies... someone wake up Free! I would, but he's procured a restraining order against me that prevents me from being within a 3 meter radius of him!" Kabs exclaims as he speedily walks back up his little stairs and out of the work room slamming the door.
Cre peaks his head from under the tables holding a toy unicorn and Merida doll.
"I heard this week we're doing snatch game? Fuck I was just about to take a nap after toy time!" Cre interjects to an anxiety filled room and a snoring Free
Talking Head: u/King-Yogimar, "This...should be a motherfucking experience. I'm killing the game so I can't be bothered to worry about what all of these BAWDUM BITCHES are going to deliver in comparison to me. Purr"
🎶 Tense and dramatic music
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SNATCH GAME SEASON 7 [READ HERE]

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INT. MAIN STAGE
🎶 Redditgirl! Please just go for a walk! Spoiled Sub is making your brain rot!
u/Grotesquette struts the mainstage in… a choice!
Grotesquette: Welcome to the mainstage of Spoiled Drag Race Drag Race Season 7! u/KingKabs, what’s the key to a good snatch game?!
KingKabs: The key to a good snatch game is to respond to every question the same way you would to your outfit tonight! Bemusement with a hint of disgust x.
Grotesquette: You little rascal! u/StrawPedro, how are you doing tonight my love?
StrawPedro: Looking forward to some great runways tonight. I handpicked the runway theme, it’s my favorite!
Grotesquette: u/SufjanCaesar, how’s the Symone stan HQ!?
SufjanCaesar: I don’t know I’ve been too busy Rosé spinning to Rain On Me while an image of a demented Elmo haunts my thoughts!
Grotesquette: Seek better help! And special guest u/ErikaGenerika, how’s my favorite (and only) daughter doing?
ErikaGenerika: Shut up! Shut the hell up! I have to focus on filling out this 2 month long UCAS application before Euijin does! I WILL WIN FAGULA S3 IN 2022!!
Grotesquette: My pride, joy, and testament to why my tubes are tied! Tonight, I asked my girls to gag us with their comedic eleganza in snatch game! And on the runway the category is Tie Dye Couture! Racers start your engines, and may the best drag queen… Win!
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🎶 Commes Des Garcons, Like the Boys, Like the Boys

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"First up! Give us the u/misforadollar that makes us holler!"
When I think tie-dye I think hippie, and when I think hippie, of course I think of the musical Hair. So tonight I’m serving you simple but chic hippie realness, padded to the gods with hair hair hair all the way down to the floor. This is the dawning of the age of Dollar.
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"Next up, u/TelevisionHeaven! Not to be confused with TelevisionHell..."
In a week where we had to be someone else in the challenge, I’ll go back to my roots for the runway — and what’s a better chance to go full Maxipad than a tacky tie dye theme! Tonight I’m looking straight out of a circuit party in Puerto Vallarta. Sickening, no? I can joke about that, I’m mexican. I’m rocking my signature Max Cut wig and then I turn around and BAM! hair AND makeup grotveal. This outfit also highlights my ass and my “Slut Ava Max” tattoo that I got as part of an extermination during an unaired Fagula season, perhaps the episode will get posted in the upcoming 3 years, who knows.
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"Coming up, u/CremationBloc!"
I’m walking down the runway in my blue and white tie dye 1950s Dior inspired silhouette. I look like a polluted ocean, which contrasts with the petals on my midsection as they signify nature. My posture is wonky but I feel fabulous.
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"Bear back! It's u/King-Yogimar!"
Me? Looking ugly? During a tiedye runway? Nevah! I’m giving you Detective Yogi, am I qualified? No! But I’ve got a trench coat and that’s all I need!
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"Whoop whoop! It's u/soupcereal!"
"I’m wearing this fiery, saturated, 4-color tie-dye dress. I’m giving you spunky art teacher! Unfortunately art teachers are woefully underpaid... After the school closes at 3, I head to my second, less respectable job... GAGGING the house down BOOTS mawma!!"
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"It's not just a phase, u/JohnTheLesbian!"
“For this runway I just visited my 12 year old cousin and threw on whatever she had! Is it fashion? No! But it sure is a look to dye for
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"Last, but never least, preventing forest fires! It's u/FreedomWillowTree!"
Pink wig, thick ass, make em blink fast! Lemme twerk on the D for my lost sister Bre!
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🎶 Commes Des Garcons, I'm So Confident

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Grotesquette: Thank you ladies. Now, when I call your names please step forward.
crickets
I’m just kidding you’re all getting dragged tonight! <3
---
Grotesquette: Standing before me we have the tops and bottoms of the week. Starting with…
u/KingYogimar!
StrawPedro: Yogi, your snatch game tonight is a mixed bag for me. You did make me laugh here and there with your witty jokes to the questions, but overall it was just… meh? You could have hammed it up way more and I know you know that. The responses are also kinda generic and stereotypical. It is an interesting character choice, but for people who do not know him - and this is a note to everyone up here tonight - you gotta go all the way, and put in more content or characterization effort to fully sell it to us. You took a risk playing a male celebrity which I appreciate, but I do not think you did enough to warrant a spot in the top tonight. The runway though, stunning, exquisite as always. If I have to nitpick, then I wish the base was a shade other than beige.
KingKabs: Your snatch game tonight got the job done. It served a purpose and that purpose was to be perfectly safe. The answers are in a character I just don’t feel like the character was a distinct enough approach for me to say this was an accurate depiction of Buddy Valastro as opposed to any dad humored italian man living in New Jersey. However, that just bodes the question of whether or not this choice was ever going to be one to deliver a distinct characterization. Runway was quite lovely however, you aren’t one to miss! Give my regards to Florence Dee’Lee!
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"Up next, u/FreedomWillowTree!"
Sufjancaesar: This is the story of how I should've been Blac Chyna... Oooh Oooooooh I shoooould. Ooohh Owowowowowohhhh Ooohh. Shea Couleé, you took my edges away that day, you walk down that runway, you were Blac chyna but you were shaped like a surfbooooard. Heyeeeyy. Alexis Michelle Your last name It rhymes with hell. You're a demon. You knew I should've been Blac Chyyyna. Why did yooou give the roole, you know I have the body-ody.
StrawPedro: Free, your Elliott with two T’s impersonation tonight was kind of a cringefest… I mean you did have the look down, the wig, the mug, even the prosthetic nose.. But I felt like you were focused on standing out that it just became … very loud and unbearable. You got the nasally sound down and that was probably the only redeemable quality of this snatch game. On the runway this is cute, but is it enough to save you from the bottom? We shall see.
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"Next up, u/soupcereal!"
ErikaGenerika: So as Honey Davenport you were exactly what I expected. Overall, it was very safe. But that’s okay! You were still in character and compared to everyone else in this snatch game, you were HILARIOUS! Very high placement indeed ma’am. Give yourself a pat on the back, this is the beginning of the rest of your life! Your runway was a little tragic. In my mind, Trixie is a mermaid here, and this isn't a dress but her skin. I can see Mingey rocking an Ursula the Sea Witch costume and really pulling off the mermaidy vibe here.
Sufjancaesar: This choice was quite safe. Before I read it, I knew what to expect and nothing really surprised me or felt that interesting. But nonetheless, it’s always something that gets a laugh out of us so it was a good safe bet, and your impersonation had lots of jokes, it was in character and it all landed. I just expected more at this stage. With your runway, I liked that the soup can matched the look but the outfit itself was just a pantsuit
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"Next up, u/CremationBloc!"
ErikaGenerika: Gwyneth Paltrow is a legendary household name. I mean, who could forget the iconic, “This Smells Like My Vagina" candle. Which is summarized as, "a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent. (trademark)” But I felt like you let queen Gwyneth down tonight. Was there effort? Nar. Seriously though, this could’ve been very funny but it just felt low effort. As for your runway, it wasn’t really tea that gooped my wig. You even captioned it ‘Tie dye horrible.’ WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF YOU NEED TO HAVE CONFIDENCE TO WIN AN INTERNET SHOW!
KingKabs: Baby it's just really lazy I don't know what else to tell you at this point. These answers could have been much better explored, if at all, and it would have been great. However, you didn't really go for anything besides a cute little one liner that, while it elicited a giggle out of me, isn't good. Really bad showing for you this challenge. As for your runway? It's tie dye, you did what you could and I'm not mad at it!
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"Up next, u/JohnTheLesbianl!"
Sufjancaesar: Starting off with the good, your interjections were super funny to me and I quite liked your jokes there. Unfortunately, with a character that’s melodramatic and absurd in real life, you really have to go for it for that to translate on paper. And I felt a lot of your responses didn’t really give me the punch I get from Moira IRL. As for this runway, the commentary was funny but it doesn’t make up for quite a weak and whelming look itself.
Grotesquette: Hi John. First of all you look absolutely stunning on the runway tonight. However, your Moira Rose was was a huge let down. Your answers consisted of her most famous quotes, and you didn’t build upon them or change them at all. It was less of an impression and more of a game of quote trivia. I think another character would’ve served you better. Moira’s a character who’s already funny. So you need to be funnier than her, which is a hard ass task! If I were you I would’ve gone for someone who isn’t a comedian/ comical character. Hope that makes sense!
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"Next up, u/TelevisionHeavenl!"
Grotesquette: This was definitely the most fun character choice on the panel tonight. Snatch game is all about the element of surprise and you did an excellent job of capturing that spirit. Your answers were witty, unique, and were built upon a really funny premise. It’s become clear to me that you’re much more than an Ava shill. You’re also a psychopath!
StrawPedro: TV, that snatch game was the business...model! No one would’ve ever thought you’d come out as a freaking creature, let alone a virtual one! You surprised us with the character choice and executed your idea almost flawlessly. You perfectly embodied the annoying owl and sent me on a guilt trip for not committing to my Port of geese lessons. Those interjections are also so well planned out and your characterization added even more to your performance. This runway, albeit a bit slutty, fits the theme well and told me more on who you are as a drag queen. Tonight you definitely cemented yourself as a fierce contender for the crown. What a wonderful job, 娼妇！
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“Up next, u/missforadollar!”
Grotesquette: Initially I was worried about this character choice but you managed to deliver a really funny impression filled to brim with references to iconic moments and productions. However, it feels a bit on the safer side for you. We know how funny you are so I was expecting a little more. Overall this was still one of the better impressions we saw tonight, and you should be proud of that
KingKabs: Your performance tonight was great. References out the ass, an exceptional display of wit. Of the disparaged older white women we had to endure tonight you ran away as the Supreme mama. The cute little Rihanna nod in your introduction? Oh you fuckin' smart aint you boo? Really good work tonight. Your runway was also really cute and fun, out of the tie dye hell we had to endure this was lovely.
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Grotesquette: Thank you ladies. You all did fantastic tonight. However, there can only be one winner.
u/King-Yogimar.... You are safe. You may head to the back of the stage.
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u/missforadollar your Patti Lupone made us all put down the phone.
u/TelevisionHeaven your Duo Lingo, the Owl, left us a notification that you’re present in the competition.
....

u/TelevisionHeaven Condragulations you are the winner of this week’s maxi challenge!

Dollar you are safe and may head to the back of the stage.
u/soupcereal you are also safe.
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u/JohnTheLesbian your Moira Rose had the crowd go mild.
u/FreedomWillowTree your Elliott With 2Ts is cancelled.
u/CremationBloc your Gwyneth Paltrow made Chris Martin leave again.
…
u/JohnTheLesbian you are safe, by the skin of your teeth. You may head to the back with the other girls.

u/FreedomWillowTree and u/CremationBloc, I'm sorry by dears but you are up for elimination. The time has come for you to lip sync.... FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIFE!!!!!! Good luck, and don't fuck it up!

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Who should win the lip sync? Vote here! Voting closes soon.

S5E6
Episode 1

5:25 Chuck tells Dean that Castiel is dead. Dean doesn’t believe him. This is a romantic cliche - that soulmates intuitively know whether or not their partner is alive. Dean looks away, gulps, and says, “Cas, you stupid bastard.” Sam says, “Stupid? He was trying to help us?” Dean says, “Exactly.” Castiel just saved Dean from the angels and tried to avert the apocalypse, but Dean wishes he had stayed alive. Dean is placing Cas’s life above his own.
22:18 Dean calls being Michael’s vessel “Life as an angel condom”
30:50 Castiel shows up in a flash of light and saves Dean by killing an angel. Think about this. Yes, Castiel rebelled, but the angels are still his family. He chose Dean over his own kind.
31:52 Dean looks Cas up and down, wide eyed. Cas walks up to Dean and Sam and carves enochian symbols into their ribs. This is a Biblical symbol of true love. Eve was carved from one of Adam’s ribs to be his wife.

Episode 2

22:40 Dean and Cas are talking, and Bobby says, “Enough foreplay!” It’s a bit of word play, since Bobby is making a joke about Castiel hurrying up and healing him, but he’s also teasing Dean and Cas for staring at each other and standing close while bickering.
Cas is talking to both Dean and Sam, but Sam is standing in the corner staring at them while Cas speaks directly into Dean’s face from inches away without breaking eye contact.
4:39 Cas says, “I killed two angels. Two of my brothers. I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it all for you.”
We learn that Dean’s necklace is an amulet that glows in the presence of God. The necklace was a gift from Sam and Bobby, and Dean has been wearing it since he was a child. He gives it to Cas. Dean says, “Great, now I feel naked” while still staring into Cas’s eyes. He looks down at Cas’s lips. Giving someone jewelry, especially something of sentimental value, is another romantic cliche signifying devotion.

Episode 3

5:52 Cas appears behind Dean in the bathroom, in one of the scenes with by far the most sexual tension. “Cas, we’ve talked about this. Personal space.” At this point, Sam is in another state. So Dean is alone, in a hotel bathroom, and Castiel appears behind him and gets right up next to his lips. Seems like Cas just went for it and got rejected.
7:29 Dean says, “I’m Thelma and you’re Louise, and we’re just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” This is a reference to the movie Thelma and Louise, which is considered a queer movie. It’s about 2 female friends who go on a long road trip together, and in the end they kiss while committing double suicide. Dean and Cas’s storyline ends up having a lot of parallels to this movie. They’re best friends who spend many years driving around and fighting monsters together. They both end up in heterosexual relationships that don’t work out. And their story ends when Castiel confesses his love for Dean and dies, then Dean dies in the next episode. Aside from the massive foreshadowing, this is also an insight into Dean’s thoughts. He just put himself and Cas into the exact scene where two friends share a gay kiss, moments after Cas got in his “personal space”.
So much eye contact. Dean looks at Cas and licks his lips.
Dean stops Cas from touching his forehead, and uses the excuse “Last time you zapped me somewhere, I didn’t poop for a week.” We’re never led to believe this is a real problem with angels teleporting people. Dean is making up an excuse to spend time alone in the car with Cas.
10:27 Dean tells Cas, “When humans want something really really bad, we lie.” While straightening his tie. Dean just lied to get Cas to spend more time with him.
13:05 Dean says, “Is this what I’m gonna look like when Michael jumps my bones?”
15:30 Dean says, “Well, last night on earth, what uh… what are your plans?” This is mirroring what Anna said to Dean in S4E10 right before they had sex, and Dean said, “You’re stealing my best line.” It’s possible Dean is trying to make a move on Cas, who is oblivious.
Cas says, “Just thought I’d sit here quietly.” Dean says, “Dude, come on, anything? Booze? Women?” Castiel has a look of sheer gay terror when he hears the word “women”. His eyes flutter and look around the room. Then he gulps and looks down.
Dean says, “You have been with a woman before, right? Or an angel at least?” Cas scratches the back of his neck and looks away. He says, “Look, I’ve never had occasion, okay?” Some people interpret this to mean that Cas has never had sex with anyone - human or angel. However, in S7E21 Castiel says, “We were assigned to watch the earth. Often, it was boring. The wars were very boring and the sex - you know, the repetition.” This implies that he does have something to compare human sex to. Cas has had intimacy with angels - just not female angels.
Dean says, “There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay.” This is thrown in there to encourage the viewers to interpret this entire sequence as Cas being gay.
18:45 Look at poor Cas’s face. He looks absolutely terrified.
20:19 Castiel got out of the situation by talking about the prostitute’s father. He may be socially awkward, but this seems a little convenient. As they leave, Dean is grinning and laughing. He puts an arm around Cas. He says, “It’s been a long time since I laughed that hard. It’s been more than a long time. Years.”
34:58 Dean relates to Cas about having a “missing father” while they’re alone in the car. Dean says, “Honestly, I’m good. I can’t believe I’m saying that but I’m really good.” Cas says, “Even without your brother?” Dean says, “Especially without my brother.” … “I mean I’ve had more fun with you in the past 24 hours than I’ve had with Sam in years. And you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, I was so chained to my family for years. But now that I’m alone, Hell, I’m happy.” Dean looks over and Cas has disappeared. Dean frowns and looks away. He wasn’t really happy being alone; he was happy being with Cas.

Episode 4

1:53 Dean and Cas are on the phone. Dean asks Cas to let him sleep. He hangs up, and Cas says, “I’ll just- wait here then.” He’s standing alone under a lamp, giving the impression that he doesn’t know what to do without Dean around.
2:44 Dean says, “Lucifer’s wearing you to the prom?” He makes a lot of sexual analogies for angel possession, which he never made about demon possession.
13:48 Alternate timeline Dean (Dean 2) asks Dean to tell him something only he would know. Dean says, “Ronda Hurley… we were uhh 19. She made us try on her panties. They were pink and satiny, and you know what, we kinda liked it.”
17:43 Cas 2 has become a hippy stoner. He sees Dean, smiles, winks and says, “Excuse me ladies, I think I need to confer with our fearless leader for a moment.” Smiling and winking at someone who you spend most of your time with already is a pretty sexual gesture, and considering Cas was just talking about sex, it implies that Cas 2 and Dean 2 might be sleeping together.
Cas 2 says, “Why not go get washed up for the orgy.” Canonically, there is a version of reality in Supernatural where Dean and Cas have orgies together.
Dean says, “What are you, a hippy?” Cas 2 says, “I thought you’d gotten over trying to label me.” This also implies a sexual nature between them - trying to “label” Cas 2’s orientation.
23:25 Cas 2 giggles at Dean. He says to Dean 2, “What? I like past you.”
28:33 We find out that Cas 2 is mortal. The last angel turned mortal that Dean met was Anna in S4E10, who he had sex with.
31:03 Dean says, “You’re gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas too?” Cas isn’t just a friend.
38:29 Castiel saves Dean from Zachariah. Dean says, “That was pretty nice timing, Cas.” Cas says, “We had an appointment.” They’re standing under the same lamp Cas was under at the start of the episode - meaning Cas literally stood there waiting for Dean to sleep for hours. It’s another dark, intimate, romantic setting. Dean puts his hand on Cas and says, “Don’t ever change.” Cas smiles.

Episode 5

All the wax figures mentioned in this episode - James Dean, Abraham Lincoln, Ghandi, FDR, and Paris Hilton have been rumored to be bisexual or gay. Ghandi left his wife for a man, Lincoln wrote poetry about gay marriage, FDR had an affectionate male “friend” who lived with him, several biographers claimed James Dean was gay and never had sex with his wife, and Paris Hilton has been photographed kissing multiple women. Henry Winkler, the actor who played Fonzie, was also rumored to be gay. In the background we can see John Wayne, who played a number of roles in cowboy films with homoerotic undertones such as The Searchers; Richard Nixon, who was rumored to have an affair with a male friend; and Clark Gable who was rumored to have slept with male producers to get roles.
28:19 Sam finds two brown seeds that were in the victims’ stomachs and puts them in a bag. Two seeds in a bag is a euphemism for testicles. Also, “filling someone’s belly with your seed” (what the monster has been doing) is a sexual innuendo.
The fictional website Sam pulls up lists the seed as “Buergeranun procerae”, which is not a real plant. The most common “procera” plant is the Calotropis procera, nicknamed “Apple of Sodom.” In the Bible, apples are a symbol for sex and temptation, and Sodom is associated with gay sex.

Episode 6

25:40 Sam is arguing with Cas, and Dean pushes Sam out of the way to talk to Cas. Notice the dynamic between Sam and Cas when they do (rarely) look into each other’s eyes. No romantic moonlight, no lip licking, no sensual face touching. Sam’s body language is tense. Cas looks guarded.
29:12 Dean picks up Cas, who’s been turned into a figurine. Cas is literally Dean’s boy toy.
29:30 Dean gently sets toy Cas on the mantle. In this scene, Dean is holding Cas by the crotch.
39:28 Cas is back and seems to know what happened. Meaning he was awake when Dean groped him. Technically it is cannon that Cas has felt Dean’s hand on his dick.

Episode 7

2:56 Sam notices a tattoo on the man’s arm in a photo
4:20 Sam sees the same tattoo on the young man’s arm
4:30 Dean pulls the blanket off and looks at the guy’s dick. He claims it’s because the wife told them about a birthmark, but they already identified him by the tattoo and room so this is completely unnecessary.
Dean says, “That’s nice. Well you look great, Cliff.”
Cliff says to the girls, “Could you give us some privacy?” Dean winks at them. The implication is that the men are going to have some fun without them.
9:34 Dean’s body language and level of eye contact with the “man witch” seem a little… familiar. Note: Manwich is sometimes used as slang for a MMF threesome, or “bisexual threesome.” Also, the toothpick in the mouth could be interpreted as queer coding. Classic films often used phallic symbols like canes, cigars or toothpicks near a male character’s mouth to imply they were gay or bi. His flamboyant outfit, long hair and cheeky attitude are also classic examples of queer coding.
Dean points his gun at the witch’s crotch, and he says, “I could use a good… tickle.”
14:12 Dean says, “There’s an archangel wanting me to drop the soap. This is at least the third time Dean has compared angel possession to gay sex.
21:08 The witch winks at Sam and claps, giving Sam “the clap”. This is the first instance of a gay sex joke being made about Sam (and not Dean) in 5 seasons.
29:06 Dean says, “We still need a little he witch DNA” and Sam hands him the toothpick. DNA is common slang for sperm, which plays into the phallic nature of the toothpick.
35:21 For the second time, Sam is able to defeat a queer coded villain who beat Dean (S4E16)
36:15 Dean does a heel click. This is a challenging move popularized in classic film and dance. It’s sometimes considered effeminate or gay.
40:39 Bobby says, “Are we done feeling our feelings? Cause I’d like to get out of this room before we start growing lady parts.”

Episode 8

4:00 The police officer says a bear murdered a guy in his bedroom. Bear is slang for a large, hairy gay man. Murdering someone in bed is a sexual innuendo.
11:55 Dean swivels his head, stares in awe and says, “Oh boy.” He starts smiling nervously. “It’s him.” Cheesy romantic music plays as Dr. Sexy walks in. Dean spends this entire scene blushing and tripping over himself.
Dean coughs and looks down at Dr. Sexy’s shoes. Note: There’s a common joke in movies that “no straight man will ever notice your shoes.” Dean slams Dr. Sexy against the wall in a very homoerotic way and says, “I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots.” How do you know what makes men sexy, Dean?
15:15 Sam has his own moment talking to a sexy doctor with romantic background music, mirroring Dean’s, except his is female.
20:13 The trickster calls Castiel a pretty boy
31:24 Dean is digging around in the trunk of the Car (Sam) and Sam says it feels uncomfortable. Trunk is slang for butt.
31:58 Gabriel whistles and says, “Sam, get a load of the rims on you.” Sam says, “Eat me.” A rim job is slang for eating someone’s ass.
32:18 Gabriel says, “Satan’s gonna ride his ass one way or another.”
33:20 Gabriel says, “Where’d you get the holy oil?” Dean says, “Well you might say we pulled it out of Sam’s ass.”

Episode 9

2:41 The Dean cosplayer says, “Hey Dean, looking good!” In a somewhat flirty way.
4:02 The announcer says, “At 4:30 there’s the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural.” This sounds like a joke about the fans, but this line is very interesting for several reasons. For one thing, words have meaning, and nobody knows this better than a writer. They could have said “gay fan theories”, but they chose the word “subtext”. The dictionary definition of the word subtext is “the implicit or metaphorical meaning (as of a literary text)”. Subtext is not theoretical, subjective or “reading between the lines”; it is text which is intentionally written to be interpreted with a metaphorical meaning.
It also stands out because several of the Supernatural cast members - especially Misha Collins - have mentioned “getting in trouble” with the studio for talking about the nature of Dean and Cas’s relationship at conventions. A number of fans also claimed they were silenced at conventions for bringing up Dean’s sexuality or the ship. The irony is that the Supernatural team wasn’t allowed to talk about homoerotic subtext at actual conventions, but the writers slipped it into this meta episode about conventions.
5:23 The Sam cosplayer asks, “Where did you come up with Sam and Dean in the first place?” Chuck avoids the question. The juxtaposition between this and the reference to homoerotic subtext seems appropriate, because Dean’s character is based on a book character, Dean Moriarty, who was bisexual and had a gay relationship with his male friend. This might be another little hint by the writers: Look up who Sam and Dean are based on.
8:14 The Sam and Dean cosplayers are standing very close, with their arms touching.
8:37 They look into each other’s eyes meaningfully
10:00 The cosplayers are staring into each other’s eyes and playing around
13:41 The cosplayers walk in unison and mirror each other’s body language a lot. They make meaningful eye contact again.
15:23 The Sam cosplayer says, “Oh my god, that makeup is amazing!” In a somewhat effeminate voice. Talking about makeup and being dramatic about cute things are gay stereotypes.
18:05 The Sam cosplayer is leaning over the table toward the Dean cosplayer while staring into his eyes and talking to him
19:20 The cosplayers walk side by side with their arms often touching, while the real Sam and Dean walk with more space between them
22:00 The cosplayers are standing together very close
22:53 The Sam cosplayer trips, and the Dean cosplayer screams his name and runs back for him. The ghost calls them both “naughty.”
28:28 The cosplayers are very close and leaning into each other while finishing each other’s sentences
33:49 The cosplayers, who are a gay couple, save Sam and Dean, continuing the meta episode theme of gay love saving the day (S3E13).
34:09 The cosplayers stare into each other’s eyes, alone in the moonlight
34:29 The Sam cosplayer tells Dean their names. He has a more effeminate voice in real life.
They laugh in unison, standing very close together.
35:06 The Dean cosplayer says, “You’re wrong, you know. I’m not sure you get what the story is about.” He starts telling Dean about how they are in real life.
36:14 The boys say, “We’re more than friends.” They hold hands and smile. “We’re partners.” Dean looks up at them and says, “Oh.” He coughs and says, “Howdy partners.”
38:37 Dean is leaning on his car looking off into the distance, thinking about the reveal. He starts smiling to himself. Sam asks if he’s okay. He says, “Yeah, you know, I think I’m good.”
This twist ending says a lot. The cosplayers were introduced as ambiguous characters, and most people assumed at the start of the episode that they were friends. But it wasn’t really a “surprise twist”; we did actually get some clues that they were a couple. Their body language, proximity, chemistry, etc. was indicative of something more intimate than just friends, especially when juxtaposed to Sam and Dean. And they were subtly queer coded, like when the Sam cosplayer showed an interest in makeup, or when the Dean cosplayer flirted with Dean. These weren’t straight guys who the writers decided to make gay to shock people at the end; they were gay all along and didn’t try to hide it, but people simply didn’t notice because they seemed normal. Like Dean and Castiel, the cosplayers didn’t have a lot of negative gay stereotypes that Hollywood uses to “other” gay people in media (gender-non-conforming outfits, lisps, acting flamboyant, etc.), and so we assumed them to be straight. It demands the question to the audience: What makes you assume that two close male friends aren’t in love just because we don’t show them kissing? It’s also a follow-up to the meta commentary from earlier about the “homoerotic subtext in Supernatural.” The writers are telling the audience that they are self-aware, and that they intended to make these characters canonically gay. The homoerotic subtext in Supernatural isn’t a joke, or a fan theory, but an intentional choice by the writers to create a gay romance.

Episode 10

1:16 Crowley smiles at his decision to kiss the man instead of sending one of his girls. While Crowley’s sexual orientation is never labeled, it’s safe to say he’s not an entirely straight character. On the one hand, he’s yet another queer villain added to the cast, and he is introduced by using his sexual fluidity to molest an unwilling man - not the most progressive portrayal of queerness. But on the other hand, he’s a more nuanced character than other queer villains in the past, and he’s using his powers to mess with a homophobe - which makes him more endearing. Supernatural is able to introduce Crowley as the first openly queer series regular specifically because he’s a villain, giving him a degree of separation from the characters fans relate to (Sam and Dean). This is an old Hollywood technique leftover from the Hays Code era (which I’ll mention again in S15E10). Before the 1970s, Hollywood banned films from portraying queer people unless they were villains and were shown being punished for their sexual deviance.
2:18 Cas says, “Even as we speak, it’s… going… down.” Dean says, “Going down? Right. OK Huggy Bear.” This is the second time Dean calls Cas Huggy Bear. Note: I finally did more research on this nickname, and it could either refer to a character from Starsky and Hutch (a series which one of the lead actors referred to as “a love story about two men who happen to be cops”), or a queer Feminist girl band. It’s a queer reference any way you slice it. And it’s adorable.
6:14 Crowley points the gun at Dean and says, “I want you to take this thing to Lucifer and empty it into his face.”
10:50 Dean stares over at Jo and Cas, and Sam says, “Boy, talk about stupid ideas.” However, Jo just walked away into another room in the last shot and Dean’s gaze didn’t move, meaning he’s looking at Cas.
Dean goes over to Jo and gives her some of the worst pickup lines imaginable. Jo says, “Are you giving me the last night on earth speech?” This is another callback to S4E10 when Anna used “last night on earth” to seduce Dean - and also S5E3 when Dean said it to Cas.
12:28 Cas says, “This is our last night on earth”, mirroring Dean and Jo.
26:40 Jo offers to sacrifice herself to save the rest of them from hellhounds. She’s one of Dean’s good friends who he loves, and a romantic interest he was just flirting with. Yet he agrees to let her die. This is a sharp contrast to S8E7, when Castiel tries to sacrifice himself to save Dean and Benny, and Dean says he would rather kill all three of them than leave Cas behind.
39:00 Meg gives Cas the nickname “Clarence”, which is a reference to Clarence Odbody from It’s a Wonderful Life. Clarence is an angel who is also queer coded, at least in the bar scene. The bartender calls Clarence a “fairy” for acting effeminate, and kicks him out of the bar. The movie came out in 1946, at the height of the Hays Code era, so this sort of homophobic joke was the closest thing to representation most films could get.

Episode 13

3:34 Cas appears behind Anna ominously. She says, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say the Winchesters don’t trust me.” Cas said, “They do, I don’t.” Part of the tension between these two is because Cas betrayed Anna and got her put in prison. But Cas’s friendship with Anna also didn’t improve when she slept with Dean in S4E10.
7:41 Castiel proposes to kill Anna to protect Sam - while not making any eye contact with Dean. I don’t think he forgot about their night together.
9:30 Dean sees Cas wounded, shouts his name and runs over to him.
Cas severely wounded and almost killed himself just to allow Sam and Dean to come with him. Because Dean asked.
Dean carried unconscious Cas up to the “honeymoon suite” (off camera)
Anna and Castiel are very similar people, which is why Dean is attracted to both of them. But notice where they draw the line. Anna is willing to kill Sam to save the world and prevent the apocalypse, but Castiel cares more about making Dean happy than he does about saving everyone else. Anna is a free thinker like Cas. This highlights the fact that Cas’s rebellion isn’t a testament to how much he cares about the world or humanity, but to how strongly he loves Dean.
Dean sees Cas, yells and runs across the room to grab him, even though Sam is already holding him.
38:29 After lying Cas down on the bed, Dean stares longingly at him.
39:30 Dean’s mother puts an angel figurine over Dean’s crib. This is a reference to her telling Dean “angels are watching over you”. It’s juxtaposed to the scene where Dean is watching over Cas. This gives a mutual sense of family, love and connection between Cas and Dean. Mary and John kiss, once again mirroring the affection between the two couples (S4E3).

Episode 14

5:30 Sam mentions that Dean likes to hook up on Valentine’s Day, but Dean says he doesn’t feel like it this year.
9:46 Dean calls Cas, who appears directly in his face. They have an awkward phone conversation before hanging up while staring into each other’s eyes. Note: We just saw Sam start to get affected by Famine by craving demon blood, so this could be considered Dean’s first sign.
10:23 Castiel holds a human heart in his hand while Dean stares at him. This mirrors S4E6, which began with Dean holding a similar heart in his hands and involved a string of metaphors for Dean’s fear of being in love with a man.
10:52 Dean checks out Cas and stares at his lips
11:38 Dean isn’t hungry. Cas grabs the burger and Dean stares at him.
12:39 The cupid appears naked and grabs Dean from behind in a hug. Note: The cupid is drawn to love, and Dean is the only one possibly being affected by Famine romantically. Then he runs and hugs Castiel. There’s a window behind Cas that has the 3 distinct colors of the bisexual flag - blue, purple and pink.
13:23 Dean and Cas stand shoulder to shoulder, arms touching, across from the cupid, with the bi flag in the background behind them
20:47 Cas starts talking about Famine and how people are craving things, and Dean decides to walk across the room and look away from Cas. This could be mirroring the previous scene, when Sam wiped off the demon blade to avoid eating demon blood.
Cas explains that his food craving is coming from his vessel, and that he is not personally affected by Famine
25:26 Dean talks to Cas while turning his back to him
26:28 Dean tells Cas to take Sam far away - conveniently also asking Cas to leave
27:20 Dean walks by Cas so close he nearly trips over him, and stares deeply into his face, but Cas (being oblivious) walks right past Dean
28:13 Dean avoids looking at Cas, then walks to the other side of the table to get away from him
28:53 Dean left to be alone in his car. Cas appeared next to him. Dean stares at him.
31:50 Cas disappears and Dean swivels his head around several times looking for him. He says, “This is taking too long” after about 2 seconds, immediately breaking the plan to go be near Cas.
32:41 Dean sees Cas and shouts his name, despite initially coming in stealth. Dean is so distracted staring at Cas that men are able to sneak up behind him.
33:08 Dean sees Cas on the ground, shouts his name and tries to pull away to go to him.
Sam is strong enough to fight his hunger and kill the demons, which implies that Dean might be doing the same thing
38:11 After Sam defeats Famine, Dean runs over to Cas on the floor
38:42 Cas and Dean are standing apart from each other and Dean is looking away and drinking. Dean says, “Listen, I just need to get some air” and runs outside away from Cas.
The explanation Famine gives for Dean’s lack of hunger is that he feels empty inside. But Dean says, “I like to think it’s my strength of character.” There’s a special kind of love - the heart racing, knees quaking, star-struck new love - that can feel so overwhelming you can’t eat or sleep. My theory is that Dean’s desire to be with Castiel romantically was so intense throughout the episode that he couldn’t think about food, alcohol or even sex. That’s why Dean spent so much of this episode uncharacteristically avoiding looking at Cas, standing far away from Cas, and looking for distractions. And the reason Dean was able to fight this feeling more effectively than Sam is because he’s been fighting it ever since S4E2.

Episode 15

3:22 Dean insults a guy’s nickname and he says, “Who died and made you queen?”
7:50 Bobby says, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, which is a Freud quote. Freud claimed that gay men like to smoke cigars because they’re secretly thinking about sucking dick. When someone pointed out that Freud himself smokes cigars, this was his response.
21:28 Dean asks, “Why don’t you just tell him you remember?” Mrs. Singer says, “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’ve never been in love.” Dean stares and doesn’t respond. Dean was in love in S1E13 with a girl named Cas, so we know this isn’t true. Why the silence?

Episode 16

10:13 Castiel tells Sam and Dean that he can’t return to heaven. This is important because it means Dean knows that if he dies, he’ll never see Cas again. In S4E15 Dean told the reaper that he wanted to die before he met Cas. Dean’s suicidal tendencies will come back several times, but only when Cas is gone.
12:35 Dean had a shirt as a baby with a picture of a teddy bear who “wuvs hugs.” Some fans interpreted this to be the source of Dean’s nickname for Cas, Huggy Bear. We already saw Dean associate Castiel with the angel figurine watching over his baby crib, in S5E13. This would further the connection between Dean’s happy childhood memories and Castiel.
14:36 Dean says to his mother, “I love you too. I’ll never leave you.” Mary says, “You are my little angel.” This creates another association of Dean’s feelings of love and home with Cas.
22:22 Ash says he’s been in the heaven of the man who invented the Kama Sutra. “That boy’s heaven? Woah, sweaty, confusing.”
37:52 The First thing Dean does when he comes back to life is call Cas
38:45 Cas is heartbroken about God not wanting to help them. He says, “You son of a bitch, I believed in-“ then he turns around and walks toward Dean. He returns Dean’s necklace. Dean stands there holding the necklace and staring at it. In the end he throws the necklace in the trash. Dean had been wearing that necklace every day since he was a small child. It was a gift from Sam and Bobby, and it had great sentimental value to him. In S5E2, when he gave it to Cas, he asked Cas to take care of it and said he felt naked without it. But now he’s throwing it away, just because it made Cas sad.

Episode 17

30:23 Dean brings hungover Cas a bottle of aspirin. He empathizes with him about having a deadbeat dad.
34:51 Dean carries the injured Cas outside
38:10 Dean tells Lisa, “When I picture myself happy, it’s with you and the kid.” Lisa and Ben are never separate entities in relation to Dean; he doesn’t just love Lisa, but he loves her son too. Dean’s idea of happiness is having a family and children - something that wouldn’t be possible with Castiel (at least not until Season 13). Castiel right now is a constant reminder of Dean’s fate as both a hunter and a pawn of Heaven. The only future Dean can see if he stays with Cas is pain and chaos, probably getting all of them killed. Lisa and Ben represent peace and normalcy.

Episode 18

13:06 “Blow me, Cas”
17:50 Cas is angrily glaring at Dean. Dean says, “Cas, not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.” Cas glares even harder. Dean winks at him. Cas slams the door. Note: “The idiom not for nothing actually means what's about to be said or done is not to be said or done in vain.”
19:35 Dean tells Sam, “I don’t believe in you.” Sam can’t get through to Dean… but Cas can.
25:02 Cas beats the crap out of Dean. He holds Dean up against a wall and shouts into his lips, “I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?”
31:47 Cas takes his tie off and unbuttons his collar. Dean watches.
Cas sacrifices himself for Dean again
37:30 Dean says “before Michael gets one piece of this sweet ass”

Episode 19

16:25 Dean says, “Bite me Gabriel.” Gabriel says, “Maybe later big boy.”
Gabriel says, “I’m the Costner to your Houston.” Comparing Dean to Whitney Houston.
37:02 Sam and Dean see Gabriel’s sex tape. Sam looks away and closes it but Dean was going to keep watching. There’s a good chance Dean has seen Gabriel’s dick.

Episode 20

4:41 Crowley says, “Fancy a fag and a chat?” Fag is British slang for a cigarette, but Sam and Dean don’t smoke, so Crowley is likely making a pun about himself.
18:52 The demon says, “I’m going to rip it right out of your ass.” Dean raises his eyebrows, smiles and nods
26:48 Dean makes almost as much eye contact with Crowley as he does with Cas. There’s some sexual tension between them from the start, which really amps up in Season 9. Queer people often feel close with each other even if they aren’t necessarily sexually compatible, because they share something which 95% of the population isn’t a part of. We see more of that “queer energy” with Dean and Charlie in Season 7.
30:48 Crowley says to the demon, “You and I are lovers in league against Satan.” This is the second time Crowley uses his queer status to harm a straight man. We feel no sympathy for the guy, but it’s still an unfortunate trope.
33:27 Crowley controls the hellhounds and prevents them from hurting Dean. This is a callback to Season 3, when Dean spent a year being afraid of hellhounds and being dragged to Hell. One of the reasons Crowley is sometimes considered positive queer representation, despite being a queer villain with problematic morals, is because he is portrayed as powerful and in control. The very thing Dean is terrified of - being dragged to Hell - is something Crowley has turned into a weapon for his own use. Crowley’s message as a queer character is: You think I’m afraid of going to Hell? I’m the king of Hell. Be afraid of me. He’s fully embraced his identity and is proud of who he is.
33:36 Crowley looks at Dean and says, “Mine’s bigger.”
39:27 Crowley says to Bobby, “I need a little something to get the magic going.”
40:04 Crowley says, “Bloody hell, you’re feisty.”

Episode 21

3:11 Dean finds out Cas is alive, tells Sam to shut up and goes into concerned husband mode.
12:40 Cas comes in and saves Dean, even though he’s weak and could actually die.
15:01 Crowley tells the boys that he made a deal with Bobby. Sam asks if they kissed. Dean tells Sam to stop - meaning Dean thinks this should be a private thing Bobby doesn’t need to talk about. Bobby shouts, “No!” Crowley took a photo. Bobby looks humiliated. Dean crooks his head to get a better look.
Crowley making a deal with Bobby mirrors the deal he made with the extremely homophobic man in episode 10. Just as with that man, Bobby is cringing in the photo and looks very uncomfortable. He also felt the need to lie to the boys to save face. This scene is telling the audience that Bobby - Dean’s surrogate father figure - is definitely homophobic. Whether or not John is, Dean grew up with at least one parental figure who believes that kissing a man is shameful. This scene helps to explain where Dean’s internalized homophobia comes from, and why he struggles to overcome it as long as his family is around.
18:14 Crowley says, “You two are lucky you have your looks.”
22:39 We find out that Crowley changed Bobby’s deal to allow him to walk again. Despite Crowley being a manipulative creep, and despite Bobby being a homophobe, their gay kiss managed to both heal Bobby’s legs and get the boys death’s location. This is another example of homosexuality being one of the most powerful forces in Supernatural.
27:39 Dean and Crowley’s body language is mirrored, and they’re walking in close proximity.
38:00 Dean says, “How’d it go with the Rockettes audition?” Bobby says, “High kicks fair, boobs need work.” Bobby seems a little more comfortable with his femininity since kissing Crowley.

Episode 22

1:55 Chuck says, “[The Impala] was first owned by Sal Moriarty.” This is a reference to the book character Dean Moriarty, who Dean Winchester is based on. In the first (censored) publication, Dean Moriarty was only hinted to be bisexual through subtext. But in 2007, 2 years after the first episode of Supernatural aired, the original text was discovered, in which Dean Moriarty has a gay love affair. Dean Moriarty was based on a real person, Neal Cassady, who was also bisexual and had a 20 year relationship with a male friend.
6:30 Sam and Dean are going to fight Lucifer. Cas falls asleep in the back of the car (because he’s temporarily human). Dean looks back at the sleeping Cas and says, “Aww, ain’t he a little angel.” This is one of the only chances Dean ever has to see Castiel sleep. Even while worrying about the end of the world and losing his brother, Dean can’t help but fawn over Cas.
8:06 Sam’s dying wish is that Dean finds Lisa and stops hunting. Notice the words he uses. He talks about BBQ and football games, and having a normal life. Lisa is never portrayed as being someone Dean is deeply in love with. She and Ben represent peace, normalcy and having a real home. These are all things Dean has never had, and can never have if he continues hunting.
29:11 Dean leans sexily over the car and says, “Howdy boys.”
35:40 Cas comes back and heals Dean. Dean stares into Cas’s eyes and says, “Cas, are you God?”
37:08 Dean asks what Cas will do now. Cas says, “Return to Heaven, I suppose.” Dean gets angry that Cas wants to leave. He doesn’t want to be alone.
38:20 Cas asks, “What would you rather have, peace or freedom?” Then he disappears. At this point in time, Castiel knows that he’s needed in Heaven. But he also knows that Sam’s dying wish was for Dean to have a family. In the next season we find out that Castiel was still watching over Dean while he was living with Lisa, but he wanted Dean to be happy, and he wanted to keep Dean safe from the war in Heaven.
In the final shot of Dean, he’s sitting at the table with Lisa and Ben, and he looks miserable. He loves them, but they can’t take away the pain of losing Sam - and losing Cas.

If you can think of anything I missed from this season, please post it down in the comments and I will check it out! Note: these are all inferences, and I tried to be as thorough as possible. You’re welcome to disagree with or be dismissive of some or even all of my conclusions. The point is that, among these many excerpts, you can see a story forming about the attitude toward homosexuality/bisexuality in the Supernatural universe, and how that has impacted its characters (mostly Dean). When you notice a motif appear in a character’s story dozens or hundreds of times, it’s hard to make the argument that it’s not intentional writing.
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