I started working on this months ago, and stopped a day later, then picked it up recently because I wanted to finish it. While it's mentioned below, I'd like to say it here: I know that this might be a mess, and not everybody will like it. But that's the fun of it all; it's not official, and will never be official, so it's fun to create stuff or imagine what happened that hasn't been explained yet. Whether you enjoy it or hate it, I had fun doing this! :)
7 DAYS TO DIE (UNOFFICIAL) LORE—TIMELINE THIS IS AN UNOFFICIAL TIMELINE OF THE LORE LEADING UP TO THE SETTING OF 7 DAYS TO DIE. ALL EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS ARE UNOFFICIAL/UNCONFIRMED AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH (duh). THIS IS NOT PERFECT. MUCH OF THIS MAY NOT SEEM REALISTIC OR MAY BE TOO CONSTRAINED. IF YOU FEEL THAT SOMETHING DOESN’T QUITE FIT, LET ME KNOW AND I CAN CHANGE IT. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN HELP OUT. --------------------------------------------
BCE-April 24, 1986 CE: History is unchanged.
1986 April 25 - A nuclear inspection team arrives at Chernobyl, the negligence they discover and resolve in reference to a soon-to-occur safety test is ruled as 'criminal' by the Russian government due to the estimated damage that would've occurred if the test had gone through. As a result, the true danger of Nuclear Meltdown does not set into the psychology of first world countries and they continue with lax construction of reactors.
2000 January 1 - Y2K occurs in computers across the planet. Multiple systems are permanently fried, pushing technology back several years. DIVERGENCE occurs.
2018 OCTOBER 9 - The United States Of America grants Puerto Rico statehood. The flag now carries 51 stars.
2025 June 9 - A meeting is held at the United Nations in New York to discuss political tensions between North Korea following the death of Kim Jong Un seven months prior. A 19-6 vote is enacted to increase security at the Korean Demilitarized Zone.
October 7 - North Korea attempts an attack on soil with the launch of four ballistic missiles aimed at Guam and Hawaii. Three are confirmed duds; the fourth strikes Guam’s Tamuning. Thousands are killed in the attack. Minutes later, the United States launches three ballistic missiles; all three successfully strike the capital of Pyongyang, killing several thousand people in its limits, including NK leader Kim Ju-ae. South Korea and Japan experience one of the largest refugee crises in human history. This leads to a depression in the region that lasts several years.
October 22 - A local group known as the Woodstock Militia form in the United States, their goals claiming to be “nothing more but the peace among man.” Their numbers grow over several years, expanding beyond North America.
October 23 - Backyard Bunks, a company set on the construction of backyard fallout shelters, is successfully funded and founded in Manchester, England by US expatriate Donovan Clarke, beginning construction immediately.
2032 September 2 - A Woodstock peace rally in Iraq is ambushed, leading to dozens of rally-goers dead or missing. An investigation discovers collusion between some members and a terror group known as the COG, or Caliphate Of Glory. The WM is banned from Iraq as a result “until further notice.”
December 22 - The United Nations begin talks on expanding territory further into the North Korean ruins. China argues against it.
December 30 - Talks at the United Nations ends with the UNSC voting 17-8 on territorial expansion through the North Korean ruins. China warns against this.
2033 March 27 - US expansion into the North Korean ruins begin, expecting to take a total of 18 months to succeed. Protests occur near the border. Later in the evening, a brief riot breaks out, leading to the death of a Korean Border Security Officer and several arrests.
April 1 - China sanctions the United States. As a result, the US sanctions back. The Trade War, as it is simply called, begins.
- Stocks in Chinese trade fall soon after.
August 13 - Backyard Bunks expands into the United States, quickly gaining popularity in major cities, with several hundred requests in just that single day.
September 11 - A terrorist scare occurs in Washington, D.C., after a vehicle was pulled over containing a homemade nuclear weapon. The bomb was successfully deactivated and disposed of properly.
September 19 - China begins underground nuclear testing in a remote region of the country, prompting fears in the United States and Japan of potential military action.
- Coincidentally, hours prior, Russia also announced that they would resume nuclear testing 18 years after it was discontinued.
September 29 -
Lucky Larry’s, one of the largest casinos in the midwestern United States, opens to the public in the city of Gravestown, Arizona.
December - A mass shortage of functioning antibiotics leads to an outbreak of Cholera in India, killing 3 million from December to January 2034, where it is eventually placed under control with international aid.
- Due to the Trade War, the United States experiences what is called “The Year Without Christmas.”
December 19 - United States scientists work with the United States military with the creation of a contagion with the intent to overwhelm enemy territories. Early testing is a failure.
2034 - Nuclear plants undergo a worldwide reconstruction effort to improve performance and defend against large-scale man-made attacks. Very few nuclear plants are completed.
January 2 - Seven bodies are discovered in the Cascade Range. All of them are mauled, covered in human bite marks, leading to rumors of a cannibal group nearby. Law enforcement denied these claims.
January 10 - The United States cancels the remaining expansion into the North Korean ruins, stationing soldiers as far as the city of Wonsan. China lifts few of the sanctions; the United States follows suit, but the Trade War persists.
January 11 - Construction of bunkers by BB in all Las Vegas hotels are complete.
March 18 - China ceases its nuclear testing temporarily, out of fear of radiation leaking into neighboring territories. Russia continues its nuclear testing.
March 19 - Midterm elections begin in the United States.
June 7 - Chinese President Chen-Chi is assassinated while on a trip in the United States. The United States is immediately blamed for her death. Many terror groups across the world claim responsibility. Some say this was a tactic to prevent any retaliation by China.
June 11 - China, upon full belief that the United States is responsible for the death of former president Chen-Chi, declares war on America.
JUNE 12 - World War III, or simply known as “The War,” occurs as late as 6:18 PM EST. It is unknown precisely who fired first, but blame rests solely on China.
6:15 PM - The
Integrated Operational Nuclear Detection System (IONDS) detects seven nuclear ballistic missile launches from an unknown location.
6:17 PM - NORAD confirms all seven launches. USAF enters DEFCON 1, prompting immediate takeoff of all available bombers. Several of them head for China, believed to be the sole cause.
6:18 PM - POTUS authorizes full-scale retaliation. Several US ballistic missiles are launched.
- The War commences. China denies any action against the United States, despite their declaration of war the day before, but are bombed shortly after. The United States preps a full-scale invasion scenario into China. The seven immediate nuclear missiles are destroyed. Several more are launched from ocean level, believing to be submarine-based launches. Three of them reach the west coast of the United States. Several submarines are destroyed by military response.
6:23 PM - Los Angeles is struck by two nuclear warheads several seconds apart. Few of the city’s skyscrapers collapse from the shockwave and sheer force of the explosions.
- News quickly spreads across the nation, confirming the detonation of nuclear weapons in Los Angeles. Panic spreads nationwide as people try to evacuate. Highways quickly go into gridlock, forcing people to escape on foot. Several people take shelter in several bunkers, only to quickly fill up.
- Divisions of the US Armed Forces are deployed in several cities to assist in the evacuation.
6:28 PM - Seattle and San Diego are hit by two separate nuclear warheads.
- The San Diego warhead was not a head-on strike, instead striking closer towards the outskirts, nearest to the highways. Most on the highway were killed in the immediate blast, while those in the inner city survived.
- Thirty-two more ballistic missiles are confirmed launched from China as retaliation. Many of them strike the west coast and further inland. The midwestern US (Colorado) all the way to the east coast is spared from ballistic strikes due to NORAD’s immediate response.
6:30 PM - Gravestown is devastated by two consecutive nuclear strikes. The majority of Navezgane County is spared the immediate effects of the detonations.
6:30-8:00 PM - Six more nuclear warheads breach past NORAD defenses from China, striking Portland, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and even reaching Austin, Texas.
8:00 PM - No further nuclear launches from China. Birds are in the air and are headed for China. Cities affected/destroyed are Beijing, Shanghai, Tianjin, and Xi’an.
- Over the next five days, the USAF is deployed across the United States and throughout China. Martial law is declared in the US, and POTUS is relocated to the Mount Weather Communications Shelter on June 14.
JUNE 14—RUSSIA BECOMES INVOLVED 9:58 AM EST - A van containing a nuclear weapon is detonated in the US capitol. Armed forces are sent to assist the injured and dying.
- NORAD detects several Russian submarines off the east coast of the US. DEFCON 1 is once again in effect, formerly set to DEFCON 2.
10:10 AM - Russian aircraft arrives in Washington, D.C., dropping soldiers across the city with the intent to take over the White House and overthrow the president. It is revealed the president is hidden away.
- Evacuations are set for the unaffected areas of the city. Several Russian soldiers kill people attempting to flee the city limits.
10:14 AM - POTUS and NORAD authorize launch of four ballistic missiles targeted at Moscow, Russia.
10:16 AM - Four ballistic missiles are launched from the United States towards Russia.
- USAF continues to evacuate the outer regions of Washington, D.C.
10:17 AM - A second nuclear weapon is detonated in the capitol, killing millions. It is unknown who detonated it or where it was detonated.
10:19 AM - Russia retaliates by launching seven nuclear ballistic missiles targeting New York, Washington, Orlando, Boston, and Atlanta.
10:22 AM - The United States launches nine more nuclear missiles targeting several Russian cities.
- Several Russian planes fly over the skies across the eastern seaboard attempting to drop soldiers with the intent on invasion. Many of them are shot down, their soldiers killed in their parachutes, regardless of the Geneva Convention.
10:25 AM - Two Russian bombers drop three nuclear warheads onto Columbus, Ohio, destroying the city entirely. The resulting EMP causes the planes to crash, killing all onboard.
- Poland, France, and the United Kingdom join the conflict, firing their own missiles at Russia and China.
- Several Russian planes touch down in Detroit, Michigan, assuming complete control of the city over several hours.
10:40 AM - Moscow is struck by two of three nuclear warheads, one failing to detonate. The other nine launches strike other Russian cities, including Saint Petersburg, Omsk, and Samara.
11:00 AM – 9:00 PM - New York City, Orlando, Boston, and Philadelphia are hit by nuclear warheads and sustain heavy damage. Russia retaliates against Poland, the United Kingdom, and France with nuclear launches targeting them respectively. London, Paris, Nice, Manchester, Warsaw, and Marseille are all struck.
- Many refugees within the United States flee towards the center of the country, residing within the countryside and avoiding major cities. Denver, Oklahoma, and Houston—to name a few—are mostly deserted, with many vehicles remaining on the roads, forever trapped in gridlock.
- The east and west coasts are in complete blackout, a result of the EMPs created by the nuclear detonations.
- China has gone quiet in all military aspects. US soldiers in the region have confirmed that survivors are surrendering.
- Russia invades sections of the UK and Italy, expanding their territory with the intent to take control of more military weaponry. At the same time, their government no longer exists. Many survivors in the affected regions panic; the country is in absolute turmoil, with riots occurring everywhere.
- The northern area of Manhattan is mostly unaffected by the blast, but the radiation has killed most of the people in the vicinity. Cars are left running, filled with the corpses of those who succumbed while trying to escape. Bodies of USAF soldiers can be found as well.
- Riots break out in the few US cities still densely populated. Martial law is further enforced.
- The Blackout occurs: Many power plants within the affected regions are abandoned or destroyed. A rolling blackout occurs across most of North America. Very few cities still hold access to electricity.
June 14 - Radiation from the seaboards begins to seep into water systems and streams, which will begin to irradiate and pollute most major water sources across the country in the coming weeks.
- Patients in hospitals across the United States begin to die by the millions as backup power fails.
- Order starts to break down across several areas in the mid-US.
- Several more nations join into the conflict, firing their weapons at Russia and China.
- A global, limited nuclear exchange occurs. Action between nations is limited to several minutes. Detonations occur over three hours. 49 nations are confirmed affected or destroyed by the exchange. Very few nations remain unaffected or functioning, such as Africa, Australia, regions of South America, and parts of the central US. The rest struggle or collapse from radiation or economic failure.
June 15 - An undetonated nuclear warhead in Moscow suddenly explodes. Millions are killed in an instant. Remnants of Russian missile command see this as an attack and immediately fire twelve more nuclear missiles. They launch in random directions.
- Poland is hit again. England is hit again, London is devastated. Paris is struck again, causing the collapse of the famed Eiffel Tower. Uganda, Africa is struck, leading to them retaliating against Russia.
- The United States is once again hit by Russian warheads. New York’s north side is hit, killing millions of survivors. Washington, D.C. is hit again. NORAD nearly shoots down all of them. One surviving missile strikes Kansas City, devastating it in moments.
- After this day, no further nuclear missiles are launched from any nation. Communications break down across the world. The Great Silence begins.
June 16 - The War ends. Two-and-a-half billion people are dead. Many more are injured and dying; the death toll is expected to climb another billion over several months.
- Several countries drop communications, either intentionally or unintentionally. The United States, for two weeks, is isolated from the rest of the world except for Canada and remnants of Mexico.
June 18 - Radiation has seeped into the water systems of many inhabited US cities. People are poisoned and begin to die. USAF remnant soldiers begin to ration food and water to the population.
- NORAD is abandoned, its surviving crew scattering across the mid-US.
- Surviving members of the Woodstock Militia regroup in Denver with the intent to boost morale across the surviving states.
- Navezgane County, Arizona regains contact with the mid-US states. Several other counties of other western states soon do the same. Navezgane’s climate is heavily altered. Snowy regions plague the mountains, while plant-life blooms elsewhere. The area surrounding Gravestown is abandoned, filled with the bodies of war victims and populated with survivors, who are only now emerging from their bunkers with the intent on beginning a cleanup effort.
June 20 - Cleanup attempts begin across remnants of the nation with the help of USAF. The president is relocated to Denver, Colorado and addresses the nation to his best extent.
July 2-5 - The United States is divided into three sections: The States, The West Wasteland, and The East Wasteland.
- USAF members return from overseas after weeks of silence. Many have died from radiation poisoning and were buried in China.
- Survivors from neighboring countries, including China and Russia, begin to appear on shorelines as they make their way to the States. Very few are turned away. Many Chinese and Russian survivors surrender, only to be taken in and sheltered. It is from these survivors that the extent of the damage from the war is revealed. Russia’s economy collapsed in a matter of days, whereas China’s economy “seemingly collapsed the moment the very first bomb touched down.”
- People begin farms in their own backyards, planting gardens and producing crops.
July 5-16 - Power plants across the States are restored; the lights turn back on across the country, even in areas across the Wastelands. Navezgane County’s power is restored. Some power plants have melted down in recent weeks, irradiating parts of North America for thousands of years.
July-August - The Great Meltdown occurs, a period in which power plants across the world experience near-simultaneous meltdowns as a result of abandonment and lack of maintenance. Several European countries are irradiated, millions killed.
- Japan’s nuclear plants melt down; those who were unable to flee die quickly of radiation poisoning.
- Hawaii is spared from the radioactive cloud, which eventually reaches North America by early August.
- The west coast of North America is devastated by radioactivity from the GM. Those not already killed by the war are killed by the cloud.
- Alaska is spared from the radioactive cloud.
- The majority of South America is spared from the radioactive cloud, but its west coast is devastated.
- Most of Europe is devastated. Those who are able to escape are forced underground.
- The world truly becomes isolated. Two billion more die during the Great Meltdown. Three-and-a-half billion survivors remain on Earth.
- The States are spared from the radioactive cloud that covers the majority of the planet.
- Very few places on the coastlines are spared from the radioactive cloud, such as Navezgane County.
- Many cities lie dead, full of the remains of the people who used to live there.
August - An outbreak of Cholera occurs in Tulsa, Oklahoma. A mixture of radioactive and infected water leads to 100,000+ dead, an eighth of its population.
OUTBREAK OCCURS - A mutation via radiation exposure leads to the full-blown outbreak of V-713, or known more as the Muerto contagion in North America.
August 4 - Cases of an unknown pathogen are reported in Navezgane and several other spots of land across the western board. Reports of infection are heard in Albuquerque and Sante Fe, New Mexico, Salt Lake City, Utah, and Denver, Colorado. Due to recent outbreaks of Cholera and other dangerous diseases, USAF and doctors collaborate to deliver protective masks, while simultaneously quarantining the sick.
August 5 - Bodies are found in multiple areas across several states, in similar condition to the bodies found in the Cascade Range months earlier.
-
Muerto spreads into several more towns and cities. Hospitals quickly become overwhelmed with new admissions.
- Many fear the outbreak will reach their area and attempt to leave. Highways are once again clogged, while soldiers attempt to console and comfort those panicking, encouraging them to return home.
AUGUST 6 – THE MUERTOS RISE - Cases spread further to larger cities.
- Hundreds of infected individuals begin to die in hospitals; some die on the streets. Several areas are quarantined, with hazmat teams burying the dead; in most cases, the dead are burned once space runs out.
- Reports of attacks begin to pile up in areas hit hardest by the infection. They are dismissed as riots and labelled as “fearful anarchists.”
- In the evening, sudden mass ‘riots’ break out across the western board. News reports depict people chasing each other and knocking others to the ground ‘with the intent to maim or kill’.
- Citizens, sick or healthy, attempt to flee the cities and areas that are in chaos. Many seek protection by local police forces, but are gunned down mistaken for attackers.
- Police forces in the main cities are quickly overwhelmed. USAF forces in the area respond with deadly force, but many of them are overwhelmed as well.
- Roadblocks are set up on highways, hoping to contain the violence to the cities—however, reports emerge of similar attacks occurring in small towns and even villages.
- The cities’ streets are a mix of stampeding civilians and crazed attackers.
August 7 12:00 AM – 5:00 AM - USAF forces are forced to pull out of Denver’s limits. The president is long gone, relocated to De Moines, Iowa.
- Roadblocks outside Denver, Salt Lake City, and Santa Fe are overrun by infected individuals.
- Doctors confirm on radios and functioning stations that the attackers are deceased. The Muerto contagion is gained its name, but the infected are rarely, if ever, named as zombies.
7:23 AM - The president addresses the nation, revealing the full scale of the situation and urges calm. This does little to prevent further panic.
8:00 AM – 4:00 PM - The infected overrun multiple military outposts across several cities.
- USAF forces conduct mass napalm bombings in Salt Lake City, Denver, Santa Fe, and more, in an attempt to control the spread. The effort fails.
- Reports arise that USAF forces have gunned down refugees pouring into towns neighboring Denver and Santa Fe. Outrage spreads quickly as the infected continue to migrate further east.
4:00 PM – 11:00 PM - USAF outposts in Fort Collins, Colorado and Rapid City, South Dakota are overrun by infected.
- Reports of infection arise in the city of Wichita, Kansas. Suspected cases are either quarantined or killed to contain the spread.
- Fort Collins is firebombed by USAF pilots. Containment is initially a success, but the sound draws mass herds of infected hosts. The fort is declared a lost cause.
August 8 - Outposts and blockades are stationed across several areas not yet hit, such as Navezgane County. Cities further to the east succumb to infection and riots.
- Firebombing methods are abandoned for major cities; citizens are left to their own devices. Many die in the panic.
August 10 – August 11 - The Muerto contagion is reported in Navezgane and several other counties. People resort to locking themselves in their homes or committing suicide. However, many commit suicide by either poisoning or hanging, leading to reanimation.
- Suicide patients begin to reanimate over several hours, leading to a siege of infected hosts in several towns.
- The Diersville hospital is under siege throughout the 11th, leading to the infected escaping and attacking the neighboring folk.
- Infection reported in Perishton.
August 13 - Perishton under siege.
- Diersville confirmed lost. Many residents forced to fend for themselves. USAF forces abandon the town after failed attempts to control the infected hordes. Some fleeing residents are gunned down, mistaken for the dead.
- Several nuclear weapons are dropped on Denver, Santa Fe, and Albuquerque as a last resort. The resulting blasts irradiate the entire region. Navezgane County is more or less sealed off from the rest of the nation.
August 18 - Power failures plague large regions of the States.
- The infection is controlled in several areas via USAF border fences.
- USAF forces begin airdrops in areas affected, but still holding survivors.
August 25 - Navezgane is declared a hazard zone. Airdrops still occur, but it is forbidden to set foot until otherwise.
- The Muerto contagion is contained; half of the States survive.
- 7 Days To Die begins.
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CONTRIBUTORS u/Making_Bacon u/watson895 u/Buggaton (obligatory "I'm on mobile")
First things first, yes, I know I'm late on the whole "ThE lAsT JeDi wAs AwFuL" thing, we all talking about Endgame now, blah blah blah, I have nothing for Endgame, I thought it was perfect.
Really though, TLJ was awful. Inconsistenies running amuck, with characters, traits, abilities, story arcs, ship capabilities, Rey's sheer power levels, etc either being changed, not cared about, or flat out disregarded for subverting our expectations.
So I've gone ahead and come up with a few small changes to a few scenes that will hopefully change it from a cinematic disaster to a low ranking Star Wars movie. I've got 7 main things I'll change, every thing else will stay pretty much the same, just with replaced characters.
Things I’m keeping:
- The basic story, just changing up the most problematic scenes, for me.
- Luke trying to attack Kylo at the temple.
- Finn and Rose go to jail, get broken out and rescued by DJ
4. Poe doesn’t the plan
5. Leia gets sucked out the window
- Snoke is stabbed
7. The resistance getting chased by the First Order
- Rey getting onto the Supremacy by escape pod
9. Poe mutiny’s
10. The hyperspace tracker
11. Tearing the light sabre in half
12. The Resistance’s escape plan with the shuttles and Crait
- Poe stays on the Raddus
Minor things I'm changing that don't need a long explanation-
- No fuel, aside from a few worried lines from Poe about if the Raddus has enough fuel left for the Admaril to carry out their plan
- No children or animals, don't want a forced animal kindness message in my Star Wars, or wonton destruction in Canto Bight, they're there for a hacker, not to murder dozens
- No "SaVe wHaT We LoVe" bullshit at the end, no kiss as the door explodes. None of that.
Big things I’m changing-
1- Getting to know Paige Tico
Instead of starting the opening space battle right on Poe taking out the Dreadnought, the scene will instead begin with Paige Tico, Rose's sister, getting suited up and bantering with her crew and a few other pilots so we get to know and care for them, a little bit. She'll be talking to Rose, reassuring her about what's happening and what's to come, "we'll be fine" type thing. Then the scene will cut to Poe already out in space making his way to the Dreadnought. He tells BB-8 to "Activate the EMP" which will also give a reason to why the Dreadnought can't shoot Poe, as their targeting systems were discombobulated by the EMP. Then the bombers follow him out, but they can take a hit, the first order discovers the cockpit is a weakpoint, so they star going for that. It continues the same with Paige's ship getting damaged, have to kick the remote down, and sacrificing herself.
2- Rey and Luke on Acht-To
Rey hands Luke his father's Lightsabre. He stares at it in shock, anguish, and regret. He drops it onto the ground, instead of throwing it off the cliff, glares at Rey with confusion and contempt, and storms off. Rey tries to convince him to join the resistance, but Luke outright refuses. She managed to convince him to train her as a Jedi so she can save the Resistance though. While on the island, Rey starts having visions similar to in TFA where it’s implied that both she and Kylo can sense each other’s presence: No Force Skype. During one of these visions Kylo tells Rey what Luke did: He was suddenly awoken from meditation by Luke ignoring his lightsabre and going in for a kill, before being force pushed into a wall by Kylo, and awaking to the Jedi Temple in ruins. The next day during training, Rey asks Luke why Kylo turned. Luke says: Kylo was displaying signs of getting closer to the dark side, and when Luke confronted him about it, Kylo attacked and killed all the Jedi, but Luke. Rey has another vision with Kylo, and Luke starts sending something’s wrong so he goes to check of Rey. He senses her getting closer to the dark side and tells her to leave. Rey refuses so Luke forces her into the air, and drops her, Rey charges at Luke with her lightsabre, and Luke force pulls his from his hut and they exchange blows. Luke lets his guard down, and Rey disarms him, sending his lightsabre flying into the ocean. Luke finally comes clean about what happened with Kylo: That Kylo had been showing signs of the Dark side for weeks before the confrontation, and Luke sensed it becoming stronger in the last few days. He went to Kylo’s room and in a moment of instinct and fear he lit up his lightsabre and all he saw was a frightened, scared boy and all he felt was shame. Kylo smacked at Luke with his lightsabre and knocked him out with the force, and when Luke awoke, the Jedi Temple was sacked, burning to the ground, and all his students were dead, with a few storm trooper bodies lying around. Rey then leaves to go to Kylo not long after.
2.5- "Wait... Where's Han?
The full scene where Luke mourns Han’s death is here, and Rey doesn’t translate Chewie for Luke.
3- The Leia Poppins Scene
Ackbar is called out of the bridge moments before this scene. Kylo hesitates on the trigger while his two wingmen fire on the bridge, destroying it, sucking Leia out into the void of space. We get a close up, a faint version of her theme plays as we zoom out, and Leia is not seen again. Ackbar is appointed as the leader of the Resistance, not Holdo. Poe asks what the plan is, but Ackbar, with his decades of experience in war, is adamant that there is a First Order spy/are spies on board the Raddus and the other Resistance ships, while Poe is convinced that there are no first spies on board, they left so quickly, how could there be spies on board? They butt heads on the situation, which eventually leads to Poe getting so desperate that he mutiny’s. He is knocked out by Ackbar with a stun blast.
4- Canto Bight
Finn and Rose head to Canto Bight to find a code breaker to shut down the Hyper Space Tracker aboard The Supremacy. After finding the code breaker in the Casino they cause a ruckus after bumping into a drunk patron and getting into a fight. No animals, no children, no slavery, no needless destruction, no political message, etc. Finn and Rose are instead arrested for Public Disturbance and are detained in the cells under the Casino. DJ rocks up and says “I heard you was looking for a master code breaker… I’m one of those!” and breaks them out. Finn, Rose, BB-8 and DJ escape the law on speeders and get to DJ’s ship, who takes them to the Supremacy. After snooping around, they find the Hyper Space Tracker and are captured by Phasma. DJ is revealed to be a First Order Spy and leaves the trio with Phasma for execution.
5- Rey meets Snoke
This scene will also play pretty closely to the original. Rey and Kylo will arrive at Snoke’s throne room, Kylo kneels, Rey is aggressive towards Snoke, Smoke toys around with Rey, and Kylo is to execute Rey. When Kylo stabs Snoke in the side with Rey’s lightsabre, Smoke will say “… hehe… good… your training is… complete… my appren…” before collapsing. Rey and Kylo defend themselves from Snoke’s guards, Kylo needing to save Rey on numerous occasions due to her lack of skill. After they’re all defeated, Kylo and Rey argue about what needs to be done next. They exchange blows with their lightsabres. Kylo force pulls Rey’s lightsabre and Rey force pulls it back. The lightsabre tears in half, sending out an explosion of energy. Kylo and Rey are incapacitated by the blast.
6- The Ram
Ackbar gives the order to send out the shuttles to Crait. As the last few are departing, they start to get fired upon by the First Order’s Star Destroyers. Ackbar stays behind on the Raddus to provide cover for the escaping Resistance. Ackbar sets all engine to full power and steers the Raddus towards the Supremacy, getting fired at and blown apart in the process. The Raddus rams the bridge of the Supremacy, annihilating it, decommissioning it for good, sacrificing himself to save the Resistance. In doing this, Ackbar also deals heavy damage to the hangar where Phasma and a platoon of storm troopers were preparing the execution of Finn and Rose. Finn duels with Phasma while Rose and BB-8 pilot an AT-ST to find a means of escape and to take out storm troopers. That deleted scene where Finn tells a squad of storm troopers that Phasma was the one who disabled the shields on Starkiller base is in here, and Phasma shoots the troopers. A Tie Fighter falls from the ceiling and onto Phasma, which then falls through the floor into a fiery wreckage. Finn, Rose and BB-8 get onto a shuttle and are chased by two Tie Fighters to Crait. Ackbar crashing into the Supremacy also woke up Rey, who takes what’s left of the lightsabre and finds Snoke’s escape craft and uses that to find Chewie and the Falcon.
7- The Battle of Crait
The final battle is still relatively the same: Abandoned Rebellion era base, rickety old speeders, big door, Death Star laser, Rey in the Falcon providing aerial support, bigger AT-ATs. Finn tries ramming the Death Star laser to destroy it, but is incinerated when he gets up to the barrel, dealing only minor damage. The door is destroyed, and Storm Troopers pour in, with the Resistance fending off as good as they can, but are being pushed further into the base. Kylo pauses in a command room when he notices an old recording of Leia giving out orders in the Rebellion era. He shed a few tears and moves on. During his raid, Kylo starts hearing Luke's voice in his head. He tells him to go away and Luke does so. The Resistance, now even less in numbers than what they started with, have locked themselves in an exiting corridor, but the exit itself is blocked by boulders. Rey arrives are getting a signal from Finn and starts using the force to remove a few boulders at a time. The First Order start cutting through the door a la A New Hope before Kylo gets impatient and cuts through the door himself. He finds nobody there and sees the Falcon taking off. He starts force choking like 8 troopers behind him out of pure rage, before Hux tells him to snap out of it. The troopers’ bodies slump to the ground dead. Poe is labelled the defacto leader of the Resistance by Co Konnix. Rey starts hearing Luke's voice in her head, saying he's sorry for believing she turned to the Darkside and tells her to come back to Acht-To to do some more training.
So how was that? Is it worse than what we got? Probably. If you have anything better, or a correction or something, feel free to write a comment.
(obligatory "I'm on mobile")
First things first, yes, I know I'm late on the whole "ThE lAsT JeDi wAs AwFuL" thing, we all talking about Endgame now, blah blah blah, I have nothing for Endgame, I thought it was perfect.
Really though, TLJ was awful. Inconsistenies running amuck, with characters, traits, abilities, story arcs, ship capabilities, Rey's sheer power levels, etc either being changed, not cared about, or flat out disregarded for subverting our expectations.
So I've gone ahead and come up with a few small changes to a few scenes that will hopefully change it from a cinematic disaster to a low ranking Star Wars movie. I've got 7 main things I'll change, every thing else will stay pretty much the same, just with replaced characters.
Things I’m keeping:
- The basic story, just changing up the most problematic scenes, for me.
- Luke trying to attack Kylo at the temple.
- Finn and Rose go to jail, get broken out and rescued by DJ
4. Poe doesn’t the plan
5. Leia gets sucked out the window
- Snoke is stabbed
7. The resistance getting chased by the First Order
- Rey getting onto the Supremacy by escape pod
9. Poe mutiny’s
10. The hyperspace tracker
11. Tearing the light sabre in half
12. The Resistance’s escape plan with the shuttles and Crait
- Poe stays on the Raddus
Minor things I'm changing that don't need a long explanation-
- No fuel, aside from a few worried lines from Poe about if the Raddus has enough fuel left for the Admaril to carry out their plan
- No children or animals, don't want a forced animal kindness message in my Star Wars, or wonton destruction in Canto Bight, they're there for a hacker, not to murder dozens
- No "SaVe wHaT We LoVe" bullshit at the end, no kiss as the door explodes. None of that.
Big things I’m changing-
1- Getting to know Paige Tico
Instead of starting the opening space battle right on Poe taking out the Dreadnought, the scene will instead begin with Paige Tico, Rose's sister, getting suited up and bantering with her crew and a few other pilots so we get to know and care for them, a little bit. She'll be talking to Rose, reassuring her about what's happening and what's to come, "we'll be fine" type thing. Then the scene will cut to Poe already out in space making his way to the Dreadnought. He tells BB-8 to "Activate the EMP" which will also give a reason to why the Dreadnought can't shoot Poe, as their targeting systems were discombobulated by the EMP. Then the bombers follow him out, but they can take a hit, the first order discovers the cockpit is a weakpoint, so they star going for that. It continues the same with Paige's ship getting damaged, have to kick the remote down, and sacrificing herself.
2- Rey and Luke on Acht-To
Rey hands Luke his father's Lightsabre. He stares at it in shock, anguish, and regret. He drops it onto the ground, instead of throwing it off the cliff, glares at Rey with confusion and contempt, and storms off. Rey tries to convince him to join the resistance, but Luke outright refuses. She managed to convince him to train her as a Jedi so she can save the Resistance though. While on the island, Rey starts having visions similar to in TFA where it’s implied that both she and Kylo can sense each other’s presence: No Force Skype. During one of these visions Kylo tells Rey what Luke did: He was suddenly awoken from meditation by Luke ignoring his lightsabre and going in for a kill, before being force pushed into a wall by Kylo, and awaking to the Jedi Temple in ruins. The next day during training, Rey asks Luke why Kylo turned. Luke says: Kylo was displaying signs of getting closer to the dark side, and when Luke confronted him about it, Kylo attacked and killed all the Jedi, but Luke. Rey has another vision with Kylo, and Luke starts sending something’s wrong so he goes to check of Rey. He senses her getting closer to the dark side and tells her to leave. Rey refuses so Luke forces her into the air, and drops her, Rey charges at Luke with her lightsabre, and Luke force pulls his from his hut and they exchange blows. Luke lets his guard down, and Rey disarms him, sending his lightsabre flying into the ocean. Luke finally comes clean about what happened with Kylo: That Kylo had been showing signs of the Dark side for weeks before the confrontation, and Luke sensed it becoming stronger in the last few days. He went to Kylo’s room and in a moment of instinct and fear he lit up his lightsabre and all he saw was a frightened, scared boy and all he felt was shame. Kylo smacked at Luke with his lightsabre and knocked him out with the force, and when Luke awoke, the Jedi Temple was sacked, burning to the ground, and all his students were dead, with a few storm trooper bodies lying around. Rey then leaves to go to Kylo not long after.
2.5- "Wait... Where's Han?
The full scene where Luke mourns Han’s death is here, and Rey doesn’t translate Chewie for Luke.
3- The Leia Poppins Scene
Ackbar is called out of the bridge moments before this scene. Kylo hesitates on the trigger while his two wingmen fire on the bridge, destroying it, sucking Leia out into the void of space. We get a close up, a faint version of her theme plays as we zoom out, and Leia is not seen again. Ackbar is appointed as the leader of the Resistance, not Holdo. Poe asks what the plan is, but Ackbar, with his decades of experience in war, is adamant that there is a First Order spy/are spies on board the Raddus and the other Resistance ships, while Poe is convinced that there are no first spies on board, they left so quickly, how could there be spies on board? They butt heads on the situation, which eventually leads to Poe getting so desperate that he mutiny’s. He is knocked out by Ackbar with a stun blast.
4- Canto Bight
Finn and Rose head to Canto Bight to find a code breaker to shut down the Hyper Space Tracker aboard The Supremacy. After finding the code breaker in the Casino they cause a ruckus after bumping into a drunk patron and getting into a fight. No animals, no children, no slavery, no needless destruction, no political message, etc. Finn and Rose are instead arrested for Public Disturbance and are detained in the cells under the Casino. DJ rocks up and says “I heard you was looking for a master code breaker… I’m one of those!” and breaks them out. Finn, Rose, BB-8 and DJ escape the law on speeders and get to DJ’s ship, who takes them to the Supremacy. After snooping around, they find the Hyper Space Tracker and are captured by Phasma. DJ is revealed to be a First Order Spy and leaves the trio with Phasma for execution.
5- Rey meets Snoke
This scene will also play pretty closely to the original. Rey and Kylo will arrive at Snoke’s throne room, Kylo kneels, Rey is aggressive towards Snoke, Smoke toys around with Rey, and Kylo is to execute Rey. When Kylo stabs Snoke in the side with Rey’s lightsabre, Smoke will say “… hehe… good… your training is… complete… my appren…” before collapsing. Rey and Kylo defend themselves from Snoke’s guards, Kylo needing to save Rey on numerous occasions due to her lack of skill. After they’re all defeated, Kylo and Rey argue about what needs to be done next. They exchange blows with their lightsabres. Kylo force pulls Rey’s lightsabre and Rey force pulls it back. The lightsabre tears in half, sending out an explosion of energy. Kylo and Rey are incapacitated by the blast.
6- The Ram
Ackbar gives the order to send out the shuttles to Crait. As the last few are departing, they start to get fired upon by the First Order’s Star Destroyers. Ackbar stays behind on the Raddus to provide cover for the escaping Resistance. Ackbar sets all engine to full power and steers the Raddus towards the Supremacy, getting fired at and blown apart in the process. The Raddus rams the bridge of the Supremacy, annihilating it, decommissioning it for good, sacrificing himself to save the Resistance. In doing this, Ackbar also deals heavy damage to the hangar where Phasma and a platoon of storm troopers were preparing the execution of Finn and Rose. Finn duels with Phasma while Rose and BB-8 pilot an AT-ST to find a means of escape and to take out storm troopers. That deleted scene where Finn tells a squad of storm troopers that Phasma was the one who disabled the shields on Starkiller base is in here, and Phasma shoots the troopers. A Tie Fighter falls from the ceiling and onto Phasma, which then falls through the floor into a fiery wreckage. Finn, Rose and BB-8 get onto a shuttle and are chased by two Tie Fighters to Crait. Ackbar crashing into the Supremacy also woke up Rey, who takes what’s left of the lightsabre and finds Snoke’s escape craft and uses that to find Chewie and the Falcon.
7- The Battle of Crait
The final battle is still relatively the same: Abandoned Rebellion era base, rickety old speeders, big door, Death Star laser, Rey in the Falcon providing aerial support, bigger AT-ATs. Finn tries ramming the Death Star laser to destroy it, but is incinerated when he gets up to the barrel, dealing only minor damage. The door is destroyed, and Storm Troopers pour in, with the Resistance fending off as good as they can, but are being pushed further into the base. Kylo pauses in a command room when he notices an old recording of Leia giving out orders in the Rebellion era. He shed a few tears and moves on. During his raid, Kylo starts hearing Luke's voice in his head. He tells him to go away and Luke does so. The Resistance, now even less in numbers than what they started with, have locked themselves in an exiting corridor, but the exit itself is blocked by boulders. Rey arrives are getting a signal from Finn and starts using the force to remove a few boulders at a time. The First Order start cutting through the door a la A New Hope before Kylo gets impatient and cuts through the door himself. He finds nobody there and sees the Falcon taking off. He starts force choking like 8 troopers behind him out of pure rage, before Hux tells him to snap out of it. The troopers’ bodies slump to the ground dead. Poe is labelled the defacto leader of the Resistance by Co Konnix. Rey starts hearing Luke's voice in her head, saying he's sorry for believing she turned to the Darkside and tells her to come back to Acht-To to do some more training.
So how was that? Is it worse than what we got? Probably. If you have anything better, or a correction or something, feel free to write a comment.
Had it been 1990 and not 2026 communicating with my dick would have involved long distance charges. But that was just nostalgia and the shrooms talking. After fifteen years without a shave and a meal under a thousand greasy calories I had at long last come out of my 99th nervous breakdown four months ago.
Brown rice and organic sauerkraut with a teaspoon of miso was all I had been eating for the past 120 days and I was chewing each mouthful a hundred times. The pounds were melting as fast the remaining ten miles of polar ice caps. I was hoping to see my cock without the aid of a mirror before Brooklyn was six feet under sea level. I had read on google that hanging yourself often resulted in the complete evacuation of one's bowels so I figured it was only polite not to submit some poor EMT to a noseful of three day old Micky-D's shit.
Either way I was tripping my balls off. I hadn't dosed since 1992 and my doors of perception had just been blown off their rusty hinges.
"Trippin...."
"Who said that?"
"The man in the mirror..."
"I was born at night but not last night."
"Stop talking to yourself Krafty."
"I would if you'd shut the fuck up old man."
"Cops are coming."
"Why? We're not getting evicted till next week and I'll hang myself first."
"Better go look in the mirror laughing boy..."
I sighed. It was inevitable. I was 59. That was fucking enough failure for me. And with Donald Trump having been CEO of USA Inc. since 2016 I did not relish the thought of a corporate debtor's prison. When I said billionaire or bust back in 2007 I wasn't fucking kidding. And in the last 19 years I had managed to lose fourteen million dollars of my own and my best friend's money. My backup plan's backup had always been Chapter 7 but thanks to The Donald that was no longer a possibility. And with the country two years into The Greater Recession getting that final round of financing had proven impossible. My patents would be expiring by the end of the decade and I was getting too old to re-enter the workforce.
So..., to the Bat-Mirror. I approached with my senior blues wide shut. Tentatively I cupped an eye and took a sneak peek between two fingers.
"Motherfucker!"
"I need you bro."
"Corky?"
"Come to Atlantic City. Tomorrow night. The New Trump Casino. The Green Room. Midnight. Bring fourteen thousand dollars. Casheesh."
"What the fuck?!?!?!"
"I need you bro."
I removed my hands and manned up. But it was too late. Corky was gone. Corky had been my best friend from nine to eighteen. And then the day we were supposed to graduate high school in 1985 he never showed up. Just disappeared into the ether. No note. No nothing. And Corky's Dad Donald was found modeling that year's Colombian necktie in the bedroom mirror. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. The culmination of a misspent youth that I surely would not have survived if Corky had not saved my ass that sunny day in 1976 when Scott Jackson hit me in the head with a rock in Prospect Park and was going to finish the job with an even bigger rock.
Corky was a big kid. He was 5'10" in the fifth grade and he dressed like a Hell's Angel. He was cutting school that day and sauntered right up to Scott who was sitting on my chest and holding a big rock over his head looking like he was going to end me.
"Whatchoo gonna do with that rock? Voodoo?"
"Beat it white boy before I kick yo' ass too."
Corky bent down and lifted the rock over his head with Scott still attached.
"You been reading Lord of the Flies homes?"
"Fuck you white boy! Put me down 'fore you catch a beat down."
Corky accomodated Scott. He hurled the rock back to terra firma with Scott still attached to it bouncing it off his head. It made a sickening crack that sounded like the Channel Eleven Yule Log.
"Sorry Piggy."
Then apparently dissatisfied with his work he tried tried again until Scott Jackson was one with the Prospect Park lawn. Me and my then best friend Aaron Farbman just watched in shock. When it was over Aaron farted and then vomited. Corky wiped some blood specks off his face with the back of his hand and offered me a cigarette. I figured it was a good time to become a Marlboro Man.
As fate would have it it turned out that Corky not only saved me from a stoning he was also a neighbor. His father Donald had taken the apartment Aaron used to live in just one floor below me. Aaron's mom had married up and they had moved into a brownstone while I lingered behind with my psychotic mother on welfare and food stamps. Such was life.
Corky's dad was the angriest deadhead I'd ever met but he let Corky do whatever he wanted and what Corky wanted was never ending reefer fueled mischief. After Corky moved in it wasn't long before I stopped getting my ass kicked every day by all the usual suspects. He sort of adopted me as his brother and considering his apartment had color television and a fridge full of food and mine only had my psychotic mother who was I to argue with fate?
By the time I was thirteen we were smoking an ounce a week, tripping on shrooms and acid and fucking high school chicks. Corky was tall enough for the NBA by the eighth grade although he had long since stopped showing up for school.
"Don't need a diploma where I'm going...," he'd always say.
I never pressed him on it. There was something severely off in his entire family but since my family was more twisted than a Jew For Jesus I just let it go.
Meanwhile back in the mirror my face was alternately aging from 59 to 80 and back to 17 and then back through my 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s leaving me with temporal whiplash.
"It's all relative and your relatives are psychotic," I heard my voice say.
Last week I had found my father fingerpainting his bedroom walls with his own shit.
"Who's that supposed to be? Nixon?"
"It's all bullshit Izzy."
Turns out my father had Alzheimer's and Renal failure and without insurance or any money it looked like he'd be dead sooner rather than later. My younger half-brother had committed suicide last year at the age of 43 and at the funeral I had seen my ex-stepmother BettyJo Lemongello for the first time in 25 years.
"It's all your fault Izzy."
"Nice to see you again, BettyJo."
"You don't like me very much. Do you?"
"That's not true. I just feel better when you're not around."
I cracked my neck and checked my bank account. I had a little over fourteen thousand dollars left and then I was destitute. I hadn't paid alimony to either of my ex-wives in six months and I figured I'd send them an email to pick up their back pay right before I offed myself. Sometimes you gotta stick it to the woman.
"Atlantic City huh? Saturday nite? Fuck it!"
I owed Corky. After all we were blood brothers. I'll never remember that night when we were thirteen. We were hanging out in the speakeasy in our apartment building's basement listening to Dogs by Pink Floyd. We cut our fingers mixing blood and then signed our names in crimson on a legal contract I had hastily drawn up before the acid kicked in stipulating that we were now blood brothers for life, come hell or high water, etc. etc. We had then hidden the document in the speakeasy's ceiling somewhere that I can no longer recollect.
The speakeasy was our secret clubhouse and for the longest time nobody else knew about it. At least not until we became sexually active at which point many a Brooklyn cushette had been blindfolded and sworn to secrecy never to divulge the whereabout or wheretofores of our anti-prohibition getaway.
You had to walk down a long dark chilly hall to get to it. We had discovered it one day when we were 14. We had been tripping and exploring the building's nether regions when Corky had said something rude about my crush Shawna McGee and I had pushed him into the wall.
And then Corky was gone. Vanished into thin air. It would have freaked me out even if I wasn't tripping. I screamed his name.
"Holy fuck dude!"
"Corky?!?!?"
"You gotta check this shit out!!!!"
"Where are you?!?!?!"
And then just like that Corky was back.
"It's a fucking hidden door!"
We had gone back to his apartment to get his father's flashlight. It was an old hidden room that bootleggers had used to stash The Real McCoy. We were like pigs in shit. We found old fedoras, a Victor Victrola, an old radio, a few revolvers and an old lamp that was shaped like a showgirl's gams.
And that was how we found our secret clubhouse. We had marked the opposite wall with glow in the dark paint in a Yin/Yang symbol and I had spent many a week living there when my psycho mom would throw me out and my dad and BettyJo wanted nothing to do with me. I had lost my virginity in there. We had decorated it like a hippie den and it was everything a secret speakeasy for teenagers in the early 80s should have been.
But the day Corky disappeared and Donald was found dead it disappeared. I tried to find it, really I did. I was sure I'd find Corky in there hiding out with his father's blood on his hands muttering some Oedipal shit but that speakeasy just vanished from this dimension. Suffice to say I left for college and never came back. I had always hoped Corky would surface somehow somewhere but he never did. Not even a postcard. Eventually I thought about him less and less but I never forgot him.
When Google became a thing I tried to find him but it was as if he had never existed. It was almost like I dreamed the whole thing. I say almost because while I may have been a failure in marriage and business I was not prone to delusions. Well maybe of grandeur but not the hallucinatory kind that get you committed. Maybe life would have been easier had I just gone bugfuck looney tunes but that just wasn't my style.
...
I had stopped tripping with the sunrise and had managed to get a solid seven hours sleep. I stumbled out of the bed too take a piss and that's when it hit me. For the first time in 16 years I could see my dick. Something was definitely up. Or somethings I should say.
"Did I hallucinate that shit?" I wondered aloud.
Later that night I put on a twenty year old pair of Levis that fit like it was 2006. I went to the ATM and withdrew $14,000.00. My bank account now contained the princely sum of thirty-three dollars and thirty-three cents. I grabbed a driverless Uber and headed to Atlantic City.
Atlantic City hadn't changed much since I'd been there last in 1991. Same old chain smoking blue haired mustachioed ladies betting their social security checks on the slots. Cept now they were vaping. It took a while but I finally found the Green Room at 11:59 pm.
I was thinking I probably imagined the whole fucking thing when two giant hamhocks grabbed my shoulders.
"Whatup Izzy?!?!!?!?!?!?"
I was lifted three feet in the air and I was face to face with all seven feet of Corky Clay.
"It was you you motherfucker."
Corky got me in a bear hug and I said, "Can't breathe."
I was eased down ever so gently to terra firma and Corky said, "Did you bring the money?"
"It's my last fourteen grand dude."
"Yeah, but you were gonna kill yourself anyway so what's the big diff?"
"How'd you know that?"
"Nevermind. We gotta hit the roulette wheel."
As I double-timed it to keep up with Corky's big strides I said, "What the fuck happened to you dude?"
"Whaddya mean?"
"I mean after graduation you disappeared and Donald was decapitated."
"Fuck that prick. He wasn't even my real dad."
"Is that why you always called him, 'Donald?'"
"No. I called him Donald cause he looked like a fucking duck."
"He did, didn't he?"
We got to the roulette wheel and Corky put out his giant hand.
"Dude. After this I am officially destitute. I won't even be able to afford to get home to off myself."
"I need you bro."
I hesitated.
"Have I ever fucked you over dude?"
I dug in my sports jacket and fished out my net worth and placed it in his hand. Corky turned it into chips and then bet it all on 33 black. The croupier closed the wheel for betting and we watched it spin. I felt big beads of sweat break out on my forehead. I realized I hadn't been laid in a decade and I had been planning to find a whore for my last night on Planet Earth. I sighed thinking the best laid plans...
"33 black wins!"
I felt my jaw come unhinged. I shook my head. People applauded. An hour later we were in the penthouse suite snorting lines of coke off asian hooker titties.
"I think I'm still tripping..."
Corky reached in his MC jacket and tossed a bag of shrooms on the glass coffee table.
"No, but you will be."
"Dude. I don't understand any of this."
"You're my brother. And you were there in my time of need. What's there to understand?"
"But how? And where the fuck did you disappear to? You know the speakeasy disappeared too..."
"Mmmm. Yes and no."
"Care to elaborate Captain Opaque?"
"I been living in the Great Depression for the past forty years."
"Yeah right."
"Fine. Don't believe me."
"Doing what?"
"Yeah, doing what?" one of the hookers asked.
"Pimping whores for Capone."
"We eating these shrooms big guy?"
"Do asian hookers love blow?"
The next afternoon they tried to lure us back to the tables but Corky said, "Your Dad is gonna die without a kidney transplant."
"You know about that too?"
"Come on. We gotta bring this casheesh to the hospital."
A few hours later we were in one of the last yellow cabs sporting an actual flesh and blood driver cruising down Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn.
"This is yours if you blow every red light to Coney Island Hospital," Corky said waving ten Benjis in front of the driver's face.
The driver snatched the carrot and put the pedal to the metal.
"You better buckle up bro," Corky said buckling his safety belt.
I followed suit and ten seconds later our driver hit an Uber car head on. The sound of crunching metal and shattered glass was punctuated with the decapitated head of BettyJo Lemongello landing in my lap.
"BettyJo?!?!?!"
Corky got on his smart phone and said, "Throw that shit out the window."
...
"The transplant was successful, Mr. Schreiber. Your father is going to pull through."
"Thank you Doctor."
I looked at Corky. He half-smiled.
"What?"
"We got a couple of stops left."
"Huh? Where?"
"Just follow me."
Two hours later with a hundred grand in uncut diamonds we were standing in front of our old apartment building on Union Street.
"Look familiar?"
"Dude. This is so fucked up."
"Whatever little man."
Corky took a flashlight out of his MC jacket and we went back into the building we ran wild in so many years ago. Corky rang every apartment bell until somebody buzzed us in. A few minutes later we were back in the nether regions of the basement.
"Push me Izzy."
"Why?"
"Cause its time we went back to the speakeasy."
I pushed. And then Corky was gone. Vanished into thin air. I screamed his name.
"Corky?!?!?"
"You gotta check this shit out!!!!"
"Where are you?!?!?!"
And then just like that Corky was back.
"It's a fucking hidden door!"
"Dude. You're young again."
Corky's big arm gave a yank and then we were back in the speakeasy. It was just the way we left it in 1985.
"Say, 'wake me up before you go-go.'"
"What?"
And then Corky's big fist punched me in the face and I remembered no more. Eventually I came to.
"Daddy. Wake up. You said we'd go to watch the ball drop at Times Square."
"Yes, honey. You promised the kids."
"Michelle! Is that you?"
"Who else would it be?"
"Daddy. Is it really a new millennium?"
"Yes honey," Michelle said soothing the little girl's hair that was the same color as mind. "Today is the last day of the 20th century."
I reached in my pocket and found a handful of uncut diamonds.
I hadn't seen Michelle since she caught me in bed senior year with her best friend Carmella and told me she'd never speak to me again. I had missed her ever since.
I looked around surveying the scene. I appeared to be in a swanky penthouse apartment. I found a mirror and took a reluctant peak from between two fingers. It appeared I was 33 again. Hmmm.
"I don't believe this shit, Michelle."
"Yeah, I know. How crazy is the end of the Twentieth Century?"
The doorbell rang. Michelle kissed me.
A voice I had last heard 27 years ahead said, "Who's ready to party like it's 1999?"
I turned my head to see a not so gentle giant dressed to the nines in tux and tails.
"Corky?!?!?!"
"You were maybe expecting BettyJo Lemongello?"
I grabbed Michelle by the hand and began pulling her towards a big bedroom I spied at the end of an even bigger marble hallway.
"Yo! Where you going bro? It's New Year's Eve."
"I just remembered. I haven't had my pipes cleaned since 2011."
submitted by Sam Harmon (Martin) entertains in one of the hotel's lounges. Demolition charges are planted on an electrical transmission tower and the backup electrical systems are covertly rewired in each casino. At exactly midnight, while everyone in every Vegas casino is singing "Auld Lang Syne" the tower is blown up and Vegas goes dark. Back in 1960, when Peter Lawford pitched him the Vegas heist script for the original "Ocean's 11," Frank Sinatra reportedly joked, "Forget the movie, let's pull the job.". Indeed, the original Rat ... The Mirage is another casino that appears in Ocean’s 11 movie. In the movie, all three casinos use the same vault and are owned by the same person, which isn’t the case in the real world. The Mirage is based on Polynesian style and is located also on the Las Vegas Strip. It offers 3.044 rooms. Ocean's Eleven (1960) Trivia Questions & Answers : Ocean's ... This category is for questions and answers and fun facts related to Ocean's Eleven (1960), as asked by users of FunTrivia.com. Accuracy: A team of editors takes feedback from our visitors to keep trivia as up to date and as accurate as possible. Related quizzes can be found here: Ocean's Eleven (1960) Quizzes The shot of the men walking through the casino in the SWAT suits is reminiscent to the shot of the men walking on the sidewalk at the end of the original Ocean's 11 (1960). The difference is where the men are walking and the context of each film. In this film, this is the shot in which the audience realizes they've gotten away with it. Originally posted by Jack in the Box: So I was watching Ocean's 11 the other night (the new one with Brad Pitt and George Clooney) when for whatever reason I noticed something I never noticed before. The big scene in Ocean’s Eleven that had to be changed after the 9/11 attacks As the film turns fifteen this week, we look back at the behind-the-scenes secrets you might have missed BRONTE COY ... The big scene in Ocean’s Eleven that had to be changed after the 9/11 attacks. FIFTEEN years after Ocean’s Eleven hit screens, we revisit why one of the most iconic scenes was almost very ... “Ocean’s 11” (1960) is the ultimate movie for fans of the Rat Pack — that well-known group of swank entertainers who hung out and worked together in Hollywood and the Las Vegas strip in the early 1960s. This movie, their first as a definitive group, provides a period view of Las Vegas — a landscape that, sadly, has been blown up or ... HI Dougs. was Bellagio.Got back this morn (went to Vegas for five days then Bahamas for 9) had a great time and as I said to someone earlier this forum makes you obsess about stupid things. this is the United states! they have your every need catered for before you knew you had one! Monte Carlo looks cool, tram from Bellagio to it. Relax and enjoy!
